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She nodded, almost absently, and he wondered what she was thinking about again.
“I’m not going to tell you that I would have sought you out or that I was going to be celibate until we got together, because I don’t know. I can’t tell you what I might have done in a situation I didn’t face. Colton and I were just...different. Not only from other people, but each other. He was raised in a perfect middle-class home with two parents who loved him and then he enlisted in the Marines and shit happened. He didn’t talk about it much, but he had his own demons and those I understood. I never had to explain anything to him, he just accepted me for who I was. Now, we didn’t have this great love affair, so get that sour look off your face.”
Matt wanted to say, I accept you for who you are, but instead he said, “I don’t have a sour expression.”
“Colton and I fought, and not in the good way.”
“There’s a good way?”
Now her eyes sparkled. “Yeah, there is. The other day, when you were mad because I let Molina kiss me as part of my cover. That was a good fight, and the makeup sex was amazing. Anyway, you think I take risks? Colton was explosive. You think I walk a fine line? Colton crossed them. Sometimes I did, too, but only if I had to. And honestly, I didn’t have the strength or courage to know how to help Colton in his dark times. I’ll always miss him because he was a big part of my life for so long, and I’m not talking about sex. He was my best friend.”
“I respect that.”
“We’re not going to do this whole past relationships bullshit, are we?”
“No.”
“Because I don’t care who you’ve slept with.”
“Ditto.”
“You sure?”
“Yes. I only care if you sleep with anyone other than me while we’re together.”
“We’re together?”
“I know you like this ‘friends with benefits’ thing, and I’m okay with that as long as it’s monogamous. If you want to walk away, just tell me.”
“Okay.”
He believed her. Kara wasn’t perfect, but she wasn’t dishonest. Somehow, he felt better about what they had, even if she didn’t want to think it was more than casual.
“So, why did you break Bryce Thornton’s nose?” he asked.
She laughed. It sounded so good after their far-too-serious conversation.
He added, “Assaulting a federal agent could have gotten you fired.”
“Hand slapped, then my squad took me out for pizza and beer and gave me a friggin’ tiara.” She looked pointedly at Matt. “He deserved it.”
Matt waited, knowing Kara would tell him in her own time.
She drained her beer and put the bottle down. “I hate working drug cases, but back then I had less than two years on the job, and I’d do anything and everything my boss wanted. Long Beach PD needed an undercover agent—young, female, nonthreatening.” She smiled, pointed at herself. “They had uncovered a drug smuggling operation at the port. The last bust failed to nab everyone. They had the boat, but smugglers can always get more boats. They had one of the dockworkers who had been paid off, but they suspected there was another. The consensus was they’d jumped the gun. They needed the distributor, had no idea who he was. So on the one hand, they got a million bucks worth of oxy off the streets—this was back before fentanyl was big—and put a handful of pricks behind bars, but they didn’t shut down the network and no one was talking. Enter moi.”
Kara got out of the hot tub and walked, naked, into the house; he watched through the window as she retrieved two more beers from the refrigerator and brought them out. His desire for her had grown each day since they met, and he wanted to take her to bed right now. But he also wanted to hear her story, especially while she was so comfortable and relaxed.
“So,” Kara said, slipping back into the water and handing him one of the beers, top already off. “I joined the team that was putting together another operation. I was still new, but had already logged a half dozen undercover ops. After listening to what had gone right and wrong the last time, I made some suggestions. Bold, I know—they could have shut me down, I was practically still a rookie. It was a good team—they listened, agreed. After reading his file and watching him for a few days, I knew Jamal, the driver, wanted out. So we made him a deal. He gets me in, we get him out, wipe his record, clean slate. I went under as his girlfriend. Lived in his house. Played the part.”
“Slept with him?”
“Would you care?”
He didn’t know how to answer that. He didn’t think that undercover cops, local or federal, should be intimately involved with suspects or informants. Yet...was that a personal or professional opinion?
“I see,” she said.
“It’s not because we’re involved,” he said. “I just want you to be honest with me.”
