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Without even realizing it, I fell victim to exhaustion, to the emotional turmoil of the situation I found myself in, and all of this pulled me into an unexpected and uneasy slumber. As I drifted into sleep, my dreams were filled with images of Lilith and Cass, their faces a source of solace and strength even in the midst of despair. In that fragile state between wakefulness and dreams, I clung to the hope that, I would find a way back to them, that our love would guide me out of the darkness and into the light once more.
Chapter Eight
Lilith
“Mommy?” Cass asked, once she finished her bite of toast and strawberry jam, her favorite breakfast food.
Next to her, as always, sat her kitten, Lena, purring softly on the chair, adjacent to Cass. What Cass loved most about Lena was that her paws were so tiny and delicate, but they could bat at a dangling toy with surprising agility. Lena had a habit of chasing her own tail in circles, much to Cass’ delight, and it purred like a contented little engine every time it found itself in Cass’ arms.
However, this morning, even the usually very playful Lena was calm, almost as if sensing the tension in the air.
“Yes, darling?” I asked, putting down the knife I was using to butter my toast.
“Where is daddy?” Cass asked, her big blue eyes curious and wide.
I smiled a little nervously, hoping that she wouldn’t see through this ruse. “He has some business to take care of.”
“But he usually has breakfast with us,” Cass reminded me of something I knew well. “He also has lunch with us, and dinner. And he tucks me in bed. He hasn’t done any of that in the last…” She stopped to count on her little fingers, although I knew how long it had been. “Four days.”
“I know, baby,” I nodded comfortingly. “It’s just that daddy and grandpa are preparing to go for a little trip soon. This trip is very important to all of us, so everything has to go smoothly. Do you understand?”
She seemed to ponder it for a few moments, then she tilted her head a little. “But… daddy needs to eat, right?”
I smiled. “Of course.”
“So, why doesn’t he eat with us, if he has to eat anyway?” she asked, and I had to admit that her question caught me off guard. I wasn’t expecting such a small child to make so much sense. It was a question I did not have an answer to, although her eyes begged me for one.
“He probably just needs to focus on this,” I assured her, although I needed equal reassurance of this myself.
“And…” Cass suddenly looked down at her lap, as if she wanted to say something, but wasn’t sure if she was supposed to or not.
“What is it?” I urged her. “You can tell me anything.”
She hesitated for a few moments longer, then continued. “He’s always in a bad mood.”
I had to admit that she was right. Although after I baked him the cake, I thought everything would go back to the way it was, but I was wrong. Not only that, but Cass was starting to see a change in him as well. I had to speak to my father about this. He would know how to advise me.
“He’s probably just nervous, baby,” I told her, unable to come up with anything other than this generic explanation of someone’s bad mood.
The truth was that he was like that before. So, I was still trying to pacify myself with the explanations of him simply reverting to the way he was because there was simply too much on his plate. The Moorlands meeting was crucial for the benefit of our kingdom, and both him and my father were nervous about it. Only, it seemed that Adrian was more affected by it.
“I’m done,” Cass told me, looking at her plate. There were still a few bites left of her sandwich, but I didn’t want to force her to finish it. I had other things on my mind. “Can I go out and play with Lena?”
“Of course,” I smiled at her, grateful that I had such a reasonable little girl that I didn’t have to worry about at all. But at the same time, I knew that Adrian couldn’t continue like this for much longer. I had to talk to him about it, even if that meant I would turn out to be the pushy one again.
Cass took Lena into her arms and skipped over to me. She gave me a peck on the cheek, then she left the dining hall, leaving me alone with a table I could not see the ending of. Alone, I sat there for a little while longer, trying to gather my thoughts. The table was set out for several people, yet it seemed that no one in this castle had any appetite. Father asked for his breakfast in his study this morning. Adrian did not even show up. I hadn’t seen him since I woke up this morning.
My thoughts were a tangled web of worry and uncertainty. I looked at my cup of coffee without any desire to drink it. The morning light streamed through the window, casting a warm glow over the room, but despite that, the place felt empty and cold. The sunlight did little to chase away the unease that had settled inside my chest and was pressing onto me heavily.
I couldn’t help but wonder what had been bothering Adrian. Was it me? Had I become too clingy, too needy? Had I taken his protector status too far and expected him by my side at all times? I didn’t believe that was the case. And yet, his words from a few days ago took me completely by surprise. He needed space from me. He needed to be alone. I could understand that, but at the same time, we also needed him, both me and Cass.
We used to be so close, sharing everything with each other—hopes, dreams, and even the most trivial of daily occurrences. But now, Adrian seemed more distant, preoccupied with something I couldn’t quite grasp. Our conversations had become shorter, and he often seemed lost in thought.
I inhaled deeply, resting my chin on my hand, gazing out the window at the world beyond. The chirping of the birds and the rustling of leaves in the gentle breeze offered a stark contrast to the restlessness inside of me. Perhaps it was just a phase, I thought. People went through ups and downs in their relationships, and maybe this was one of those down moments. But the uncertainty gnawed at me, and I couldn’t shake the feeling of longing for the closeness we once shared.
Finally deciding to leave my coffee and half-finished breakfast, I headed to my father’s study. Once again, I longed for my sister’s presence. I would always go to her for such advice, but now, she wasn’t here. My father was not very well versed in the matters of the heart. But he loved my mother. And I knew that she loved him as well. Maybe he would know what to say to make me feel better.
I walked up the stairs slowly, counting them in my mind, as I did when I was a little girl. Such things always used to calm me down. I would focus my mind on something practical, something that tore me away from the turmoil I was feeling and gave me a logical assignment. If only for a few precious moments, that uncertainty didn’t bother me.
