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“I wasn’t going to ask you to stay.” She sniffed and rubbed her eyes. They were sore and she knew she must look terrible after crying so hard.
“I know.” He pressed a soft kiss to her mouth, offering only warmth and comfort. “I wasn’t going to wait for you to ask.”
It washed over her. A balm to the hurts of her day. There had never been anyone who cared about her that much as a child. She’d come to expect a certain amount of love and consideration from her friends, still a miracle in her mind, but she’d never believed she’d find it in a lover. Ethan had changed so much about what she thought was possible and had asked her to really look at what she wanted for herself.
“Thank you.” She cupped his face in her hands, her heart aching with loss and gratitude and something else she wasn’t ready to face. “I’m glad you’re here.”
Seventeen
Eloise didn’t wait for him to get settled in the kitchen before she made her way to the bedroom upstairs. He wasn’t a great cook, but he knew his way around and he’d manage a plate of scrambled eggs or a few pieces of toast if nothing else.
Her head was still pounding, eyes puffy and nose sore from wiping it too many times. Small irritations, minor discomforts. Symptoms of living that had been taken from Kim.
The sorrow hit her again and pieces of the afternoon’s events, broken and out of order, began to flash through her mind.
Eloise took a slow breath.
In through the nose.
Out through the mouth.
Repeat.
She let the images behind her eyes run their course as she stood in the doorway. By the time she could hear Ethan rattling pans around and swearing viciously in the kitchen below, she had almost gotten control of her emotions.
Now that she could hear him and smell faint traces of what she thought was bacon starting to waft up the stairway, she realized how hungry she actually was. He’d be up to check on her soon and if she didn’t want him wasting time fussing over her bath, she needed to get moving. Keep her mind busy, focus on the next steps and nothing else.
She kicked off her shoes, aiming for the general direction of the closet and wincing when she realized she’d been too preoccupied to take them off by the door as she normally did. Socks went in the hamper, still wet from the rain and her puddle-filled run to the car. Her jeans were just as wet, still cold and clinging to her legs, so she stripped them next, rubbing her hands over her calves and shivering at the sudden change in temperature against her skin.
She was sure she made an odd sight scrambling for the bathroom in her underwear and the oversized hoodie she had stolen from Ethan for her quick run to the office, but she was more comfortable without the wet clothes she’d been stuck in, and she wasn’t ready to give up the comfort of Ethan’s scent until she had no other choice.
Steam curled up off the top of the water when she ran it hot, fogging up the mirror as she added every scented bath product she could find. She owned at least four bottles, all purple and smelling strongly of lavender. It was supposed to help with relaxation and she certainly needed something to help her calm down now. Maybe she could soak away some of her fear before Ethan finished cooking. She emptied her pockets, tossing everything on the white countertop. Keys from her left hoodie pocket because she’d forgotten to hang them on the hook by the door. Something that crinkled in her right hoodie pocket, something damp and unfamiliar.
Her fingers trembled as she pulled out the pack of cigarettes she had taken from beside Kim’s body. In the chaos that had followed, she’d forgotten about them.
It seemed foolish now, that she’d taken the time to hide them when her own life might have been in danger, but she wasn’t sure she would have changed it if she could have. It was something Kim would have asked of her, a small shame that her memory wouldn’t have to hold for her family, and there was no harm in it.
Eloise stood for a moment, torn as she considered what to do with it. There was no reason to keep it and she had never been particularly sentimental, but to throw it away so soon after the loss, when they still had no explanation for why it happened or who had taken her from them, felt disrespectful.
She ran her thumb over the logo on the matchbook inside and called herself a fool as she sniffled and tucked it away in a drawer so Ethan didn’t throw it out by accident. She’d deal with it later when everything wasn’t so new and so raw. Until then, she turned her back on the drawer and tried to put it out of her mind as she stripped down the rest of the way and settled into the hot, scented water.
She sank down and closed her eyes, letting the tub fill all the way before shutting the tap off and then sitting in silence as tears slid silently down her cheeks. The water had started to cool when she heard Ethan coming up the stairs.
“Hey.”
She opened her eyes and found him standing just inside the door, cradling a plate in one hand and a glass of wine in the other.
“Toast?” she asked.
“Toast, bacon, and some scrambled eggs,” he confirmed. “All only slightly burned.”
“You’re improving.”
He grinned at that and set dinner on the counter to hand her the towel she’d forgotten to grab off the hook. “Smells good in here,” he remarked. “But look how pink you are. Did you try to cook yourself for dinner?”
She snorted as she grabbed the towel and used it to do a quick rub down before wrapping it around herself and picking up the glass of wine. The first sip soothed the ache in her throat, an explosion of bubbles and sweetness that she knew would carry away her pain if she let it.
“You should eat,” Ethan reminded her, plucking a piece of toast from the plate and holding it to her lips. “You look pale.”
