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He let her go until she’d cried herself out of tears and her breathing evened out apart from a few small hiccups. She wiped her cheeks and subtly dabbed at her nose before pulling back enough to see him watching her in patient, albeit bewildered, concern.
“It was just the funeral in general,” she explained with an embarrassed smile. “Seeing Kim’s family so heartbroken and then Sarah and Chloe were there and somehow I seem to have become the outsider. I don’t know what happened to us and I was so sad and then so angry …” She didn’t finish, unsure what to say or what the implications of it all might be. She’d crafted a perfect life and it had fractured, one blunt blow sending cracks running wild in unpredictable directions.
It was becoming apparent that the damage was worse than she’d thought and there was a growing worry nagging at her mind, one she refused to examine too closely, that she might not be able to fix it. That by trying she’d only cut herself on the pieces.
“Come on.” He reached across the car and grabbed her purse before standing and holding out a hand for her to take. “Let’s get you inside. You can change into something comfortable, and I’ll put on a movie or something.”
She let him lead her toward the front door but the thought of being inside, trapped and frightened of everything that moved or made noise outside, made her restless. “Could we do something else instead? We could go out to see a movie? Or just grab dinner? I don’t want to be here.”
He waited for her to cross the threshold before closing the door and locking it behind her. “I was actually on my way out.” He met her gaze, but only briefly. “I’ve been putting it off, but I need to run by the bar and talk to Dylan.”
“Oh.” She knew he’d been home more lately, keeping an eye on her and the house, and she’d let it convince her that maybe he was pulling away from Dylan and whatever trouble the two of them got up to when they were together. Realizing it hadn’t left her hollowed out inside like it had ripped out something important, though she wasn’t sure exactly what it might be.
“Does it have to be today?”
He ran a hand through his hair, tugging a bit on the ends and puffing out a breath. “I don’t want to leave you alone right now but?—”
“I don’t want to be alone.”
“I tried to put it off but he’s been pissed that I haven’t been around lately and I need to deal with it. Maybe you could take a nap, get some rest, and I’ll be back by the time you wake up.”
The idea of being alone in the house, in their bed, with nothing but cold sheets and her own thoughts made her stomach turn sour. If he couldn’t stay then she’d rather be anywhere but here. “I could go with you?”
“What?” He froze, hand on the doorknob and the familiar crease deepening between his eyebrows. “You want to go to the bar?”
She heard the doubt in the question, the slight tint of suspicion in his tone, and scrambled to come up with an excuse. Surely anything would be better than the truth—that she didn’t want him around Dylan where she couldn’t keep an eye on him because Dylan made her skin crawl.
“I just want to get out of the house,” she said with a placating smile. “It’s a bar, right? I could have a drink, play some darts or something?” That, at least, was true. She would welcome a drink and the distraction. “I mean, you said Dylan cleaned the place up after his dad died, so it should be safe?”
A muscle in his jaw ticked as he contemplated that, and she knew she had him pinned. He either had to take her or admit that Dylan’s bar wasn’t as safe and wholesome as he pretended it was. He’d never claimed to live a squeaky-clean life, but he’d deflected enough for her to know that he was up to more than he’d told her.
“Okay.” He shrugged but wasn’t able to hide the tension in his shoulders. “You can go if you want to, but you’ve met him, so you know how much of an ass he can be. I wouldn’t expect him to be more respectful just because you’re with me. The opposite, if anything, because he’s always had a thing about relationships. His mom took off when he was a kid and he’s been determined not to get seriously involved with anyone because of it.”
“His parents got divorced so he makes a game of trying to drive off your girlfriends?”
“It’s a little bit more complicated than that but I usually don’t bring anyone around anyway. I don’t typically get seriously involved, remember?”
She wanted to ask if he considered himself seriously involved with her, but the courage to ask was just out of her reach. Maybe another time, one when she wasn’t already worn so thin that it felt like his response could shatter her like glass. She wasn’t sure anymore which answer she preferred but she was absolutely certain she wasn’t in any condition to be on the receiving end of the wrong one.
She knew she needed to keep her mind on her financial future, that her mother would be upset about her having a relationship, especially before she was higher up the ladder in her career, but somehow, he’d managed to work his way closer to her heart than she’d intended to let him get. He was kind and sincere despite his rough edges and his smile made butterflies flit in her stomach even now, after she’d given into temptation and let him do unspeakable things to her body.
She’d believed it was possible for her to keep her feelings out of it, but he’d worked his way into her bed and then made himself a part of life, part of her daily routine. He was there for her when she cried, when she was irritable or frightened. He was rapidly on his way to having seen the worst of her and, surprisingly, he’d never turned away.
“I can ignore Dylan easily enough.”
He lifted a skeptical eyebrow at that, and she gave him an annoyed huff. “I really can, so just wait here and let me change. I’ll be back down in a few minutes, so you won’t be late.”
“I’m already late.”
She sped up, taking the stairs two at a time and unbuttoning the front of her dress as she went. “Then you won’t be much later,” she called, twisting to shout it over her shoulder and catching a glimpse of his amused grin. He might have been worried about Dylan saying something offensive to her, but if that smile was anything to go by, he didn’t seem terribly upset at the idea of taking her with him.
That bolstered her mood and she felt much better as she sat in the passenger seat of his car and watched the world rush by outside her window. The trees were dappled and green beneath a cloudless blue sky and she was still alive. It washed over her, a rising swell of triumph and gratitude after the dreariness of the morning that left her with a weightless euphoria.
“If I’d known this was all it took to see you smiling again, I would have taken you out driving sooner.”
“It’s a nice day,” she said, turning her attention from the view outside to his profile as he navigated traffic with practiced efficiency. She refused to look at the speedometer, knowing they were probably driving faster than the limit allowed, and let herself focus on the handsome lines of his face instead. “And I have good company.”
He flicked a glance at her, one corner of his mouth turning up, and patted her knee affectionately. “I’m glad you’re with me. I wasn’t looking forward to dealing with this today and having to leave you at home alone.”
