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My place of comfort.
No matter what else is going on in the rest of the world, I always have my cocoon here. Nothing can bother me in my little blanket fort, and right now, I need that more than ever. Any issues I suffered when I was a teenager pale in comparison to this.
Being stalked and run out of New York City isnotsomething I ever thought I’d have to face. This isn’t the sort of thing that’s supposed to happen to a journalist. I’m sure this never happened to my dad.
I turn over, sadness ricocheting through me. It’s hard when I’m at home, but right now, I really don’t want to think about my dad because I’ve let him down massively. I’ve let down his memory and all that I wanted to achieve because of him.
He inspired me, and I’ve made a huge mess. I probably don’t even have a job anymore. It isn’t like Chad is breaking down the door to get me back into the office. I’m sure he doesn’t want my shadow darkening his door again.
This is the first time I’m glad Dad isn’t here to see me.
“Do you want something to eat?” Mom continues with a deep sigh in her tone. “I’m just about to cook, so…”
“Hmm, yeah, please,” I murmur back. “Thanks.”
I’m not even really watching the TV anymore. The crappy reality show keeps playing in the background, but I’m lost in my thoughts once more—the last place I want to be. It’s the place where I miss Alex and wish that none of this happened. I kinda wish I just never went to New York at all because it’s too much for me.
I hear Mom moving around in the kitchen, which is great because it means she can’t see the tears running down my face. I might not have any presence on the Internet anymore—I deleted every social media profile I could find before I left the city, so I haven’t been looking—but I know the hatred is still there. I canfeelit.
“So, what have you been up to today?” Mom asks as she hands me a much-needed mug of hot tea. “Did you make any decisions about what’s next for you?”
I roll my eyes and push myself up into a sitting position. “No, Mom. I was actually thinking that I’d just lie around here until I’m not scared for my life anymore.”
She clucks her tongue at me. “Riley, this is why I wanted you to come home before it got out of hand like this. I didn’t want this silly situation to change you.”
“So, what do you want me to do?” I demand. “Since you seem to know so much about what I should do all the time. What doyouthink I should do?”
“Do you want to go back to New York? Is that what you’re thinking of?”
Oh my God, I wasn’t actually expecting her to answer that. I thought I’d get a snarky remark back, but Mom is taking my request for advice way too seriously.
“I don’t know if I can, Mom. Not when people know where I live.”
“You could move to another apartment. You don’t have to give up.” She sighs when I don’t give her a response. “I know I’m the one who told you to come back to Cold Springs, but I didn’t think you’d want to stay here forever. You’ve loved your life in the city until now.”
“Mmm, yeah, but I still don’t know if I can go back. Not after everything.”
Mom rubs me on the shoulder reassuringly, which only makes me feel a little better. “But what does that mean for you and Alex? If you don’t go back, I mean.”
I hang my head low as the tears threaten to rear their ugly head once more. I’m sick of Mom seeing me cry, and I’m sure she isn’t happy about it either.
“I don’t know, Mom. I haven’t really spoken to him since I’ve been back here. I imagine he’s way too busy to be worrying about me, so I shouldn’t focus on him.”
Mom purses her lips curiously. “Is that really okay with you? Are you really willing to give things up with Alex? Because I haven’t seen you this upset over anyone ever.”
I narrow my eyes at her. “Have you been talking to Sara again? I don’t need you to call her all the time. Iknowshe keeps telling you this guy is the love of my life or something, but that isn’t the case. We just… spent a bit of time together, that’s all.”
I’m lying.
I feel like I’m pushing all my feelings for Alex down because I’m so sure it’s over.
I guess I shouldn’t have spent so much time talking to Sara about how much I liked him. That’s backfiring on me now.
I know Mom and Sara just care about me, but I don’t like being the center of anyone’s attention, even those who love me. I’d just like to blend into the background until I’ve gathered myself back up again.
“Well, all I want to say is that if youdohave feelings for him, Riley, then that might be something you want to focus on. I can attest to life being way too short not to be with someone who makes you feel that way. Real love is worth fighting for.”
I lift my head to meet her eyes. She has tears in them, too.
