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“You think it was always easy for me and your father? Do you think everything was always straightforward? Of course it wasn’t. We had to fight forusall the time. But it was worth it. Even with him not here anymore, I wouldn’t change the fight that we had to be together. I wish he was still here, but if I can’t have him anymore, I’m just grateful for the time that I did have with him.”
My heart hurts as she says these words. I guess I never really thought about how Mom and Dad met and what they went through before they had me. It’s hard to talk about him or even think about him, so I guess I just… haven’t.
“I’m just saying to you, Riley, that life is way too short to let external factors get in the way of your happiness. I know you’ve had a hard time recently; anyone can see that, but you shouldn’t let that push you away from someone that you really care about.”
As she heads back into the kitchen, wiping away stray tears, I’m left struck. I don’t know what to think about any of this, much less what to do next. Yes, I really like Alex. Yes, I care for him way more than anyone who has come before, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that he feels the same way about me.
Even if he does, that doesn’t necessarily mean I can handle all the bullshit that comes with being close to someone in the public eye. The online vitriol and the newspapers talking about me… that’s damn near crushed me and it hasn’t been very long at all.
I can’t even begin to imagine doing it forever.
But if I forget all of that and ignore all the drama surrounding us, if I thinkonlyof Alex and what it’s like to be in his arms, then Iknowfor sure that’s where I want to be. If we could hide away from the rest of the world forever, I’m sure we’d be fine. I couldn’t imagine anything making me happier.
But Alex Barrett will always be the famous adored hockey player, and I will always be me.
I grab a pillow and scream into it. I know this is nothing more than a waste of energy—it never makes me feel any better, but I also can’t just do nothing. Doing nothing leaves me here in this little cocoon of blankets, getting me nowhere.
I might not want to leave this little nest that I’ve made for myself, but if I remain here, then I lose everything, including Alex, which is killer. I mean, I don’t know if I can have him or not, but I don’t like the idea of pushing him away forever. I can’t stand it.
***
I don’t know what time it is. Dawn, I think, judging by the weird light blasting through the air. Although that could just bethe sickness swirling through my veins, who knows—either way, I am sick of this bathroom floor.
I might have been here all night long. It sure as hell feels that way. My knees ache from kneeling on the cold floor, and my arms hurt from holding my hair back.
I don’t even recall the last time I ate. I fell asleep before I could consume whatever Mom was cooking earlier, so surely there can’t be anything else left in me? I don’t know how I’mstillbeing sick.
“Stop it,” I groan to myself as I slump back down on the floor. I lie down, resting my forehead on the cold floor, but I’m still burning up. “Why am I so freaking ill?”
The last thing I need right now is to be sick on top of everything else. Fucking hell, haven’t I been through enough? Haven’t I suffered enough? Jeez.
“Riley?”
I moan again. I was hoping to be over this shit before Mom found me. She’s definitely going to freak out, no doubt about it. “Riley, what the hell is going on? Are you still in the bathroom? Please, tell me you haven’t fallen asleep in there.”
“No, Mom. God! I’m just… I don’t know if I have a bug or something. I don’t know exactly what’s wrong with me, but it sucks.”
It’s the stress, right? It has to be the stress. The heartbreak, too. All of this has made me so sad I can hardly stand. If I don’t lose my mind over this, it’ll be a freaking miracle.
“Riley, you need to come out here. Now. I’m worried about you.”
No wonder people start to feel like teenagers the moment they get back to their parent’s home. I haven’t been gone very long, and I haven’t been back forever either, but the temptation to huff and throw a tantrum is damn near overwhelming.
“Mom, I think I just need to stay here for a bit longer. I might be sick again.”
I wish she’d leave me alone, just for a little while. All I need to do is rest, then all of this will be okay.
But she doesn’t get the hint.
Mom swings the bathroom door open, seemingly breaking the lock as she goes, and she stares down at me. She doesn’t have disappointment in her eyes like I was expecting. Instead, they’re filled with worry.
“Oh, Riley, you don’t look good at all.” She frowns. “We need to get you to the doctor. I’m worried about you. You need someone to look you over.”
“No, I don’t want to do that…”
“I’m taking you now, Riley. This isn’t up for debate. I need to make sure that you’re okay. I’m worried that you might have caught something. If you’re being sick like that, then we need to be careful and get you looked at now.”
I let Mom lift me to my feet and force me to get ready for the doctor’s appointment that I definitely don’t want to have.
