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“Wow.Ifeel naked right now.”
“It’smy job to observe the human condition and write songs about it.”
“Andthat’s what you’d write about me?”
Carriestared into the fire. “She’sbeen lonely places, comforting herself with lonely faces, telling herself the outside is where she’s happy.”Sheshrugged. “Somethinglike that.”
Rosalie’sskin tingled uncomfortably. “Howdo you do it?” she asked quietly, sipping her wine. “Howdo you keep putting yourself out there after having your heart broken?”
“BecauseIknow thatI’mthe one responsible for nurturing my heart.Ilove myself, and take care of myself, and it gives me a resilience that sees me through times like this.Iprocess whatIfeel through writing songs, or in my journal.”ShemetRosalie’seyes from the other side of the sectional. “Ilet myself feel it all.”Sheshifted, taking a long sip of her wine. “Whathave you done to nurture your heart recently,Rosalie?Whenwas the last time you let yourself feel your feelings?”
“I…Idon’t know.That’s…Idon’t know.”
Carriestood and retreated into the bedroom, returning a minute later with a jade green notebook.Itwas crisp and new, unused. “Here.Starthere.Writeit all down.Allof it.Asoften as you need.”
Rosalietook the notebook, feeling the weight of it between her fingers.Sheflipped it open, the possibility of the blank pages igniting something in her.
“Onceyou get it all out, you’ll have clarity about how you feel, and what you want to do from there.”
“Whatwould you do, if you were me?”
Carrietilted her head, considering. “Well, it seems like you’re intoMr.Chiefof police.So,I’dwant to know why he didn’t tell me about his kid.I’dgive him a chance to explain and try to listen with an open heart.Theworst thing you could do would be to assume you know why and what it means without actually hearing him out.”
“Andif he tells me that…it’s just a sex thing?”
Carrieshrugged. “Thenyou have a choice.Youcan accept that and have some fun, or you can decide that’s not what you want, and move on with your eyes open.”
Rosalieshivered despite the warmth of the fire. “Likeit’s just that easy.”
“Inever said it was easy.It’sfucking hard.”
Rosalielaughed.
“Itis!” saidCarrie. “Butif you keep your heart locked away in this airless cage, eventually it’s going to shrivel up and die.Theonly way it’ll survive is to let it breathe.”
“Takeit out of the cage,” she whispered, andCarrienodded.
“Iknow the cage feels safe, but it’s not.It’sslowly killing you.Because,Rosalie,Ican tell.You’renot happy.You’relonely, and you bury yourself in work to compensate.Sure, you have flings and hookups, but sex, even great sex, is not the same as having that person.Theone who gives you butterflies and makes you laugh.Loveis the purest form of joy, and it’s worth the risk.”
Rosalienodded, sipping her wine and lettingCarrie’swords sink in.Shewas right.Now, she just needed to find the courage to find out where she stood withJack.
Twenty
Thenext day,Jack’seyes were gritty with lack of sleep.He’dtossed and turned all night, unable to get the image ofRosalie’sface, pale and lined with hurt, out of his mind.Aftershe’d canceled on him, he’d written at least thirty different text messages to her, trying to explain, but he’d deleted every single one of them.Whateverwords he managed to put down, they weren’t enough.Notin the face of the pain he’d caused her.He’dbeen able to read it all in her drawn brows, her hunched shoulders, the set of her mouth.She’dbeen open and vulnerable with him, something that didn’t come easily to her, and he hadn’t done the same.Hehadn’t shared one of the most important parts of his life with her, and she’d been blindsided by it.
She’dpulled away, protecting herself.Heknew, because it was exactly what he would’ve done if the situation were reversed.Healso knew that he wanted to fix this.Hejust needed to find the right words.Neededto do…something.God, he was bad at this.Norahwas the only serious relationship he’d ever really had, and they’d gotten married because it was practical and logical, not because they’d been madly, passionately in love.
Hescrubbed a hand over his face.
Holyshit.
Holyshit.
He’dnever been madly, passionately in love withNorah, had he?He’dthought he had been because he’d cared about her, because he loved her asChloe’smother.Whichmeant that his reaction to her engagement was more about him and what was lacking in his life thanNorahand any feelings he may have had for her.BecausewithRosalie…he didn’t even know what he andRosaliewere to each other, but the idea that he’d hurt her was burning his gut, had made it impossible to sleep last night.
Therealization jolted through him as he walked downMainStreet, approaching the intersection withChestnut.Theearly afternoon sky was cloudy with the promise of snow, which would probably be perfect for the music video shoot.Oneof his officers was there this afternoon, whileJackwould be there tonight while he was on duty, acting as a point person for the shoot’s security team.
Maybehis opening, when he saw her later, could be to say thank you for lettingChloemeet her favorite celebrity, which had happened earlier that day whenChloehad visited the set and had the best day of her life, according to the texts he’d gotten fromAutumnandNorah.Carriehad taken pictures with her, given her a guitar pick and a friendship bracelet, and had been kind and engaging with her young fan.Yeah, he could say thank you for that, which would naturally segue into talking aboutChloe, which would lead to an apology…
