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Chapter One
Kasey
MOST OF MY life I’ve loved Anthony ‘Shield’ Greene. He has watched over me from the time I was a little girl and we’ve only grown closer over the years. While all of us kids were close since we were raised together in the club, my person has always been Anthony. Somewhere along the way, his feelings for me changed from just being my protector to something more. We fell in love, he asked my dad for permission to date me, and now we’ve got two amazing children together. Andrew is three and Griffin just turned two. The three men in my life are the entire reason I wake up every single day and put one foot in front of the other. At least that was true.
Lately Anthony doesn’t seem to want anything to do with me. He’s distant, barely comes home before I’m in bed, and only really talks to the boys when he is home. I’m not sure what’s going on because for the first time in so many years, Anthony won’t talk to me. I’m not his sounding board when he can’t figure something out and he won’t let me be there to give him my support when he’s had a rough day. Hell, we haven’t even had sex in over six weeks now. No matter what I do, nothing has been able to break through this rut we find ourselves currently in. I don’t know what to do except wait for him to open up to me.
Anthony hasn’t ever claimed me as his ol’ lady. We’ve talked about it, but it hasn’t happened. We’re not married either. I thought my dad, Rage, was going to lose his mind over that fact. Especially when I got pregnant with Andrew. He may not be a traditional man or believe in normal society, but when it comes to me, his baby girl, he wanted me married before I started having kids. Glock, Anthony’s dad, also wanted to see us married, but it didn’t happen. It won’t happen either for some reason. Anthony hasn’t ever said he’s against marrying me, but he’s never asked. So, instead of being an ol’ lady of the club, I’m just Shield’s girlfriend and a club brat. That’s all I’ll ever be. It actually breaks my heart when I let myself think of it.
Every single day I want to cry because of the distance growing between Anthony and myself. However, I can’t do that when I have two little boys to take care of. I don’t want them to know anything is wrong to shatter their world. As far as they’re concerned, Mommy and Daddy are doing okay and Daddy’s working a lot. There’s nothing more than that going on. At least for now. With the way things are going, I’m not sure how much longer I’ll be able to continue living my life like this. When Anthony is home, I feel as if I’m walking on eggshells and there’s nothing I can do to stop feeling that way.
Shaking my head, I clear my thoughts and head for the kitchen. My boys will be waking up from their nap soon and I like to have lunch ready for them when they get up. Today, I’m all about doing everything simple and easy. I’m not feeling good and I’m tired of making meals when I’m the only one who can truly appreciate them. My kids aren’t picky at all and will eat whatever is placed in front of them. Yes, I’ve even tried making special meals for Anthony but it goes to waste since he doesn’t come home to eat them. Literally, he comes home to sleep, shower, and get changed. If he comes home at all.
Anyway, I’ve already cleaned the entire house, gotten all the laundry done and put away, and put out feelers about finding a job once again. Anthony would rather I stay home with the boys despite Quinn watching all the kids for the club members. He wants our boys to be raised by one of us instead of us both being gone all the time. At first, I went along with it because I wanted to be home with my boys. Now, I’d rather spend the least amount of time possible in this house he had built for our family.
We got a house when everyone else did. Anthony was really quick to move us into it. Now, instead of spending my time at the clubhouse where I can be around other people, I stay at home with the boys. It’s nothing against anyone at the clubhouse, I just don’t seem to be in a mood to watch the happy couples fawn all over one another or anything else. Especially knowing Anthony and I used to be that happy. Add in that I’m the only one down there who’s not an ol’ lady and it’s the last place I want to be. So, I stay home alone and isolate myself from everyone else. That’s the only way for me to keep the secret of my failing relationship from everyone else.
Hell, Brick, Ghost, and Autumn have a better relationship than Anthony and I do at this point. And those two fuckers put her through absolute hell. I might not have witnessed what they did or said to her, but I’ve heard about it. The only reason I was at the clubhouse is because Steel, Tank, and Shadow were here. If I didn’t make an appearance and play happy girlfriend, then Tank would be on the phone with my dad quicker than hell and he’d be down here. I might be in my twenties, but when it comes to my dad, I’m still his little princess. No one will ever make me upset or hurt me in any way if he has the power to put a stop to it. If he even thought I was upset over what’s going on with Anthony, he’d already be here and ready to beat the fuck out of him.
After putting the boys’ plates together, I set them on the dining room table and go to see if they’re up yet. When I walk into his room, Andrew is sitting up in his bed with a few toys in his lap. My boy looks up at me and gives me one of his large smiles. He looks just like Anthony with his dark brown hair and light, chocolate brown eyes. There’s just a hint of the blond streaks through the strands of his hair just like his daddy. Griffin looks more like me than Anthony. He’s got pure black hair that grows faster than any child’s hair I’ve ever seen in my life. His bright blue eyes are large and show every emotion he feels throughout the day.
“Did you have a good nap, baby boy?” I ask Andrew, walking farther into his room as he gets out of bed.
“Yeah, Mama,” he says in a whisper. “Potty.”
“Okay.”
Taking Andrew into the bathroom across from his room, I help him on the potty before stepping back and letting him go. I won’t leave my son in the bathroom on his own when there’s too much in here that can hurt him. So, I turn my back until he lets me know he needs me again.
“Done, Mama,” I hear his sweet voice as I turn around to find him getting off the toilet and pulling his underwear and pants up.
“Good boy. Let’s go see if your brother is awake yet,” I tell him as I help him wash his hands.
Andrew and I walk into Griffin’s room to see him playing in the middle of his room. He’s already wide awake and alert as he looks up at me from the floor. I’m just starting to potty train him and he hasn’t quite mastered it yet. So, I quickly change him before we head out for the boys to eat their lunch. They eat quietly as I watch them while drinking my hot cup of tea. It’s the only thing that really settles my stomach these days and I really don’t want to get sick in front of them. They hate seeing Anthony and I sick or in any kind of pain. It’s been that way since they were old enough to understand.
“How about we go into town today to the playground for a while?” I ask the boys as they finish their sandwiches, apple slices, and milk.
“Yay!” Andrew calls out as Griffin smiles wide with a mouthful of apple.
I clean them up from their lunch and get them ready to head out for the day. If I’m the only one that’s going to be here on a daily basis, I’m not going to keep staying in this fucking house. I’m over it because this isn’t who I fucking am. My dad raised me to be a strong, smart girl who doesn’t let anyone push her around. That’s exactly what I’m letting Anthony do to me right now. Push me around by letting him get away with treating me as if I don’t exist to him. I’m more than a fucking incubator who gave him two boys he loves more than anything else in the world.
The boys and I have been at the park for most of the day. It’s a beautiful day out and I’m happy to play with them on the playground near the bay. We’ve spent most of the time on the swings because my boys love to go high and get that feeling deep in their belly that makes them giggle like crazy. No, I don’t push them very high. But at three and two, it doesn’t take much to get that feeling when you’re going back and forth on a swing. No one else has been to the park and I have felt peace for the first time in weeks. Maybe being in the house all day alone is getting to me and that’s why I’m taking everything so personal. I don’t know at this point.
“Hungry, Mama,” Andrew says and I pull out my phone to see it’s dinner time.
“Okay. Let’s go to the diner today for dinner,” I say as I stop the swings and help both boys out of the seats.
Andrew takes my hand as I carry Griffin. He’s tired from his day of playing and running around with his big brother. We get to the SUV Anthony bought me two years ago and I get both boys in their seats before getting in my own. Locking the doors, I start the engine and leave the playground behind. Andrew and Griffin are chatting in the backseat as I make my way through town and straight for the diner. My phone goes off in my pocket where it’s been all day, but I refuse to look at it while I’m driving. Too much can happen. I’m almost at the diner and can look at it before getting the boys out of their seats.
The diner isn’t too busy this early in the evening as I pull in and park close to the side of the building. It’s close to the door and no one can park on one side of me so I know I won’t have some asshole parking too close and trapping me in the parking lot. It’s happened before here and so now I always park in this spot when I can. Pulling out my phone, I roll my eyes when I see Anthony’s name on the screen. This is literally the only way we communicate these days.
Anthony: Where are you?
Me: At the diner getting dinner. Wasn’t expecting you home as usual so didn’t plan on cooking tonight.
Anthony: I won’t be home. Stopped to grab some clothes. Have to work tonight and plan on staying in the room at the clubhouse when I get out of work. Don’t wanna wake the boys up when I get home.
Me: Yeah, I’m sure that’s the reason. See you whenever.
