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Anthony: Kasey, don’t be like that. What the fuck do you think is going on?
Me: Who knows. You sure as hell aren’t fucking me so maybe the club girls are more your style these days. Or the strippers you see every fucking night. Not gonna argue when I have the boys.
I wait to see if Anthony responds, but he doesn’t. It doesn’t really surprise me to not hear back from him. However, it only manages to make me think he really is fucking the club girls or strippers he works with almost daily. That’s been my main thought when it comes to Anthony more and more lately. I can’t help but think that’s why he hardly comes home and doesn’t want to touch me. Even if he does manage to sleep at the house, he rarely sleeps in the bed we once shared. Anthony has been sleeping on the couch and tries to play it off as he started watching a show or movie and passed out there instead of coming to bed. It’s nothing but fucking lies.
Shutting the engine off, I get out and help my boys out before heading straight inside. Tears threaten to spill over as I make my way inside and to a booth. Yeah, I could take the booth that’s usually empty for club members and ol’ ladies, but since I’m not one and am here alone with my boys, I choose some random booth to sit in. Looking around as I settle my boys in the seat on either side of me, I look around to make sure Haley isn’t here. There’s other people from the club who work here, but she’ll be the one who won’t let me get away with not answering her questions.
“Burger, Mama?” Andrew asks me as I turn my attention to him.
“Yeah, baby boy. You want a cheeseburger?”
“Yeah,” he says, a large smile so much like Anthony’s on his face.
In seconds, a waitress is over to our table. I order the boys their meals and drinks while only getting myself a grilled cheese and water to drink. I’m not sure if it will help my stomach, but at this point, it’s the only thing that sounds remotely good. Nothing looks good to me these days. Plus, if I don’t eat it, I can take it home for the boys to eat later on. They always love a grilled cheese sandwich. It’s one of my favorite foods and I craved it when I was pregnant with Andrew. That’s the only thing I’d eat on a daily basis.
As we wait for our food to be delivered, I look out the window and take in the many empty storefronts still littering Main Street. There’s a perfect one I could use to open a bookstore. It’s been a dream of mine for as long as I can remember. I started out reading all the traditionally published books from a very young age. In recent years, I’ve found independent authors who publish their own work. I’ve fallen in love with several stories and found some amazingly talented authors whose books I always buy no matter what they put out. Their writing is just so good and I devour their words and take in the worlds they’ve created. Lately, it’s a way to lose myself and forget about my relationship for a while.
Anyway, for a long time, I’ve wanted to open a book store and feature more independent authors than the traditionally published ones. I’ve started working on a business plan for opening one and I think it might be time for me to get back to work on it. If I can present a solid business plan to show Venom and Bull, the club’s treasurer, they might back me opening one here in Cedar Bay. It’s not like I don’t know any authors who can help me figure out the best way to get the independent author’s books in my store either. Something to think about when I’m not out to dinner with my boys.
The rest of the night goes by really quick. After leaving the diner, I give the boys their bath and we settle in to watch a movie before I put them to bed. My boys usually go down very easy and don’t fight going to sleep. Unless they’re overtired. Then they can be stubborn as hell and fight me for hours. Those are the nights I dread with Anthony not being here to help me. However, I’ll do what I have to do for my boys regardless of if I have help or not. At this point, I consider myself a single mom and I don’t have a problem doing whatever it takes in order to make sure they are always put first. I will figure everything out and make sure it has the least impact on them.
Chapter Two
Shield
WORK HAS BECOME the place I spend most of my time lately. I work at Wild Things, the club owned strip club. When I’m there, I can forget all about what’s going on at home and where things are going wrong in my relationship with Kasey. I love her more than I can put into words, but things have gotten stale and there’s no reason I want to go home to her lately. She hasn’t done anything wrong. In fact, most guys would love to be in my shoes. My girl keeps our home clean, has a hot meal on the table for me when I walk through the door or before I go to work, loves our sons more than any other mother I’ve ever seen in my life, and gives me anything I want. That’s simply not enough these days. I don’t know what changed or when I began to feel held back, but that’s where I’m at right now. Honestly, I feel like shit and can’t even talk to Kasey about things.
Growing up, when I got to the clubhouse with my mom, Kasey was always on my radar. She was so fucking small and needed to be protected. I wanted to be the one to protect her from everything bad in the world. She became my best friend, my support system, and the love of my life. I never once thought in all the years we’ve been together that I’d feel the way I currently do. Right now, I want to be anywhere other than where she is and that’s not fair to her. She deserves to have my all and that’s not something I can currently give her. I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with me, but after so many years together I feel as if we can’t possibly do anything new. There’s nothing we can do to rekindle our relationship at this point. If there is, I’m not sure what the fuck it is.
Walking into Wild Things, the first person I see is Clarissa. She’s one of the strippers here at the club and isn’t afraid to go after what she wants. Kasey used to be like that. Now it seems as if her entire focus is the boys. That’s how it should be as far as I’m concerned. But, there are times when I’d like her to see me as a man and be open to new things. Things I’ve wanted to try but haven’t approached her about it because I’m not sure it’s something she’ll be into. So, I keep my mouth shut and don’t say a damn word to the woman I used to tell my deepest, darkest secrets to. Now, Kasey is nothing more than a stranger who’s raising my boys and loving them with everything she has.
The message I got from Kasey earlier today about fucking the club girls and strippers did nothing but piss me off. Yes, I can see why she’d feel that way, but it’s not happening. I haven’t once cheated on Kasey and that’s not something I’d ever do. I’ll end our relationship before ever having sex with another female. While I feel things are stale between us, I don’t want to ruin my entire relationship with the woman who has meant so much to me for most of my life. At the end of the day, she is the mother to my children and I do still love her. I’m just not sure if I’m still in love with her. That’s something I have to figure out on my own and I’m not sure how to do that shit and make everyone happy. Especially our boys. They’re the most important part of our lives and I won’t have them hurt. Not if I can help it. However, I can’t remain with Kasey because of them. It will only make us all hate one another at the end of the day.
Walking straight up to the bar, I accept the beer Brantley hands me before turning and leaning on the bar. It takes a matter of seconds before Clarissa makes her way over to me. Reaching out, she runs her deep red nails down my chest with a sultry smile on her face.
“Hey Shield. You’re looking real good today,” she purrs, her voice washing over me as excitement fills me.
“Clarissa,” I murmur back, my voice hoarse as I take in her appearance.
Clarissa is the exact opposite of Kasey. Where Kasey has straight black hair down to her ass, bright blue eyes that used to make my soul call out to hers, and a curvy body. Clarissa’s got bottle blonde hair with a few light brown highlights strategically placed among the strands. Her eyes are a bright green and always filled with mischief. Clarissa’s body is tone and slim with tits someone bought her. The clothes she wears are meant to draw a man’s attention to her body and take in all of her assets while Kasey always covers up and dresses for comfort. Everything about Clarissa is fake and I know that. Kasey is all real and doesn’t make excuses for anything about herself. She is who she is and doesn’t give a fuck if someone doesn’t like it.
“When are you gonna let me give you a private dance, Shield?” she asks, running her nails up and down my chest as I don’t bat her hand away as I normally would.
“Not gonna happen, Clarissa. You know we don’t mix business with pleasure. It’s bad for business. There are plenty of customers here on a nightly basis who you can flirt with and give your private time to when you’re off the clock,” I remind her.
Clarissa has tried to fuck every single one of us who work here. None of us take her up on her offer because we decided as a club not to fuck the strippers or any other female who works at one of our businesses. While things have worked out for some of the guys in the past, it’s a relatively new rule we have because things tend to get messy and complicated when the girls get hurt because they don’t understand we won’t give them what they’re truly after. Becoming an ol’ lady to one of us.
No, I haven’t made Kasey my ol’ lady. There’s really no reason I haven’t done it. There just hasn’t been the right time. There’s been so much going on with the club and moving to Cedar Bay. Then there’s the shit that always seems to find us when we least expect it. Everyone else has been claiming their ol’ ladies and it always seems to be the wrong time. So, Kasey isn’t my ol’ lady in the eyes of the club and right now, I’m kind of glad about that. With everything up in the air, there’s no way to get away from an ol’ lady. That’s for life as it should be. I also haven’t proposed to her. My father and Rage want to see us married but I just haven’t really thought about it. Maybe I will once we get through whatever the hell is going on right now. For now, she’s my girlfriend despite the many years we’ve been together.
“No one has to know, Shield. I can give you everything you’ve ever fantasized about and so much more,” she purrs, stepping up so her entire body lines up with mine. There isn’t an inch separating us at this point.
She can definitely feel my hard cock as she pushes her body impossibly closer to me. Looking down at her, I take in everything about her in a quick glance. Clarissa smirks up at me as if she’s finally going to get what she truly wants from me. It’s not going to happen, but she can think about it all she wants.
“Shield, what the fuck are you doin’?” Viking asks, walking up to me and pulling Clarissa away from me.
“This doesn’t involve you, Viking,” she says, her voice turning cold and hard in a matter of seconds as she glares at him.
“Yeah, it does. I’m the fuckin’ manager of this club and you know the fuckin’ rules, Clarissa. I suggest you go get ready to go on stage instead of tryin’ to fuck someone you’re never gonna have. We don’t fuck our employees and that’s what you fuckin’ are,” Viking growls out, anger filling his face as I remain leaning against the bar with my beer in hand.
