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Griffin couldn’t let his big brother be the only one yelling at birds, so he joined in. He might not have stood up to make sure the birds listened to him or whatever Andrew thought he was doing, but his voice was loud as hell and I was surprised at how vocal he was. Griffin tends to be quieter than Andrew and it’s rare to hear him raise his voice for any reason. It’s always been like that with the boys though. Andrew is loud and vocal while Griffin is quiet and watchful.
I’m pushing Griffin on the swing as he starts rubbing his eyes. I know he’s getting tired and is ready for his nap. We’ve been out here for so long and he’s been running around like crazy trying to keep up with his big brother. Now he’s ready to sleep. I just hope Kasey gets here before he falls asleep in the swing. The only time we ever see a temper come from Griffin is if he gets woken up and he’s a light sleeper. You wake him up and he’s gonna let you know how unhappy he is. My boy loves his sleep and that’s another thing he gets from his mom. Kasey loves her sleep and I know she’s not getting enough. I saw the black circles under her eyes at the doctor’s office and wanted to say something to her, but I didn’t feel it was my place. So I kept my mouth shut.
Hearing a vehicle pull into the parking lot, I turn to look over my shoulder. Kasey’s SUV is pulling in as she parks next to my truck. The boys and I have been the only ones at the park all day despite it being gorgeous outside. I’m not gonna bitch because I don’t want a lot of kids I don’t know around my boys. They’ve got more than enough kids to play with at the clubhouse with all the club kids. When they start school they’ll be around kids I don’t know and I hate that shit. But, there’s nothing I can do about it.
“Mama!” Andrew yells as Kasey gets out of the SUV and starts walking toward us.
I look her over from her head to her toes. She’s exhausted and has dirt on her face. Kasey’s wearing one of my old tee-shirts and it does nothing to hide the swell of her stomach where our baby girl rests. Her hair is up in one of those messy bun things with more than a few strands coming loose from the hair tie as she slowly walks over to us. Andrew doesn’t run off to her because he knows better than that. We’ve taught him that over the last year because he wants to just take off and go to whoever is coming up to him that’s our family. Too much can happen and we want to make sure he’s not out somewhere in public and goes racing off on his own because he sees someone he wants to go say hi to.
“Are you okay, sweet girl?” I ask Kasey as she steps up next to me. “You look exhausted.”
“I am. It’s been a long weekend and I didn’t get a lot of sleep. Knowing the boys weren’t home kept me awake,” she says, waving off my concern as she stands next to me and lets Andrew race up and wrap his little body around her legs.
“You should’ve called me. I could’ve brought the boys home early so you could sleep. This isn’t good for you, sweet girl,” I tell her, keeping my voice light so she doesn’t feel as if I’m yelling at her.
“No. I’ve gotta get used to them not being around when you have them overnight or for a few days. It’s just going to take some time to adjust and get used to this new way of life,” she says, not moving from my side.
“Kasey, we’ve gotta talk about this shit. See if there’s any way we can work things out. I don’t want to keep pickin’ up and droppin’ off the boys to you. I don’t want you livin’ in some random place and I don’t want to keep hurtin’ you the way I have been. We need to figure out what our next step is and see if there’s anythin’ left to fix between us,” I state, my voice full of longing and the seriousness of needing to sit down to talk with her.
“I know. What if we talk tomorrow afternoon? Before you go to work. I’m going out with a friend for a little while tonight and our moms are gonna sit with the boys. I’ll get my work at the shop done in the morning and we can meet at the diner or something. Does that work?” she asks me, finally looking up at me.
“Yeah. I’ll make it work,” I promise her as I stop the swing Griffin’s in and get him out of the seat.
I carry him over to the SUV as Andrew holds his mom’s hand and starts to tell her all about his weekend with me. He’s talking a mile a minute and I know he’s getting tired as hell too. Andrew talks more when he’s tired so he doesn’t go to sleep. It’s one of the many ways he uses to fight sleep. Griffin doesn’t bother fighting sleep. He just goes to sleep wherever he is and hopes no one wakes him up. After getting the boys in the SUV, I shut the door on the driver’s side and open Kasey’s door for her. She gives me the smallest smile and I realize how long it’s been since I’ve done something so fucking simple for her. I used to do this shit for her all the time. My sweet girl didn’t open a door for herself for any reason. Not if I were there with her.
“Take a nap with the boys. Get some rest, sweet girl. You need your rest. I know you’ve got more energy than at the beginnin’ of the pregnancy at this point, but you still need sleep,” I tell her, helping her in the driver’s seat before leaning in and pressing a kiss against her forehead.
Kasey sinks into my touch and it’s just one more way I’ve hurt her. I rest my forehead against hers for a minute and we both close our eyes as we remain quiet. No words are needed in this moment as we reconnect for the first time in months. It’s just Kasey and myself wrapped in a bubble with the boys sitting behind us. For the first time in months, I feel the stirring of longing and desire building up deep inside. As much as I’ve starved Kasey from my touch, I’ve done the same to myself with her touch. I was so set on getting away from her because I was bored or whatever that I let us both suffer without feeling the soft touches of one another.
Finally, I pull back and look at the girl I’ve loved most of my life. She keeps her eyes closed and a lone tear slides down her face. Reaching up, I use my finger to wipe it away. Again, she leans into my touch and I let my finger linger against her soft skin for a moment longer than I should.
“I have to go,” Kasey says, her voice breaking as a sob chokes her words off.
“Okay, sweet girl. I’ll see you tomorrow,” I tell her, stepping back and closing her door as she starts the engine.
I back up closer to my truck as she backs out of the spot she parked in and leaves the playground. My eyes stay glued to her SUV as she disappears from sight, taking the three parts of my soul with her. When I can no longer see her, I head for the driver’s door of my truck. Getting in, I don’t hesitate to head back to the compound. I have to get ready to go to work tonight and want to have something to eat before I go in. Plus, if I’m around everyone, I won’t feel so fucking alone. Having the boys this weekend made me realize just how fucking alone I am without Kasey and the boys with me. I miss them more than I’ll ever be able to make Kasey believe.
Chapter Seventeen
Kasey
LYRIC WANTS TO go out and talked me into going with her. She says I don’t get out and need to have a life. No matter what happens between Anthony and I, she wants me to live my life and do things I haven’t done in a long time. My mom and Melody agreed with her and offered to watch the boys so that’s how I find myself getting ready to go out with Lyric tonight. Her sister isn’t able to go with us because she’s working a shift at Haley’s diner. So, it’s just the two of us and I’m going to play designated driver since I can’t drink. Lyric doesn’t want to get drunk as hell, she simply wants to go out and have a little fun for an hour or two.
Anthony still confuses the fuck out of me. Every single time I see him, it seems as if nothing has changed between the two of us. He’s touching me again, calling me sweet girl, and actually wanting to sit down and talk about our situation. He’s the one who brought it up this time and so I know he’s serious about his need to sit down and talk. Still, I’m confused by his tender actions and the way he’s been treating me. It’s like he was back in the beginning of our relationship. If I’m being honest, it’s like he was just months ago before he decided he was bored and didn’t know if he wanted to be with me or not. So, it’s almost like I have whiplash with the way he’s acting these days. I can’t let myself fall for his actions though. It’s only going to break my heart in the end more than it already has. Only time will tell if Anthony is being genuine with his actions and continues to back them up through his actions and words.
Plus, I believe he talked to our moms and had them come over early so I could take a nap. They got here shortly after I did and told me to go lay down and that they were going to prepare lunch for the boys and me to eat when we got up and figure out what to do for dinner because Lyric and I were going to eat when we left for the night. I think the bar we’re going to serves food and that’s where she plans on us eating. So, I went into my room and sunk down in my blankets. Sleep didn’t take long to claim me knowing my boys were home with me and they were fast asleep in their beds. It’s just what I needed to get the sleep I didn’t over the weekend.
Lyric showed up soon after I woke up from my nap. She came in and had lunch with us before we started to get ready to leave. Andrew and Griffin hung out in the kitchen with our moms as they baked cookies. My boys love helping in the kitchen and my mom and Melody set them up to do that by bringing over chairs for them to stand on as they stayed right at their backs. Lyric chose an outfit for me to wear while I took a quick shower and then did my make-up after I was ready to go. She didn’t even let me look until she was completely done with everything. Once I looked in the mirror, I was shocked as hell. It’s been a long time since I got dressed up and did my make-up.
Tonight I’m wearing a black dress that’s been sitting in my closet for a long time. It gives just enough room for my growing belly while slightly hiding it before flaring out around my legs. It stops just past my knees and the material feels like silk against my skin. It’s one of the dresses Anthony bought for me when I was pregnant with Andrew. I was feeling upset because I was getting big with him and didn’t feel sexy. So, Anthony went out, bought me this dress, flowers, chocolates, and took me out for the night. We didn’t necessarily do anything special, but he made me feel like a queen and didn’t once stop touching me no matter who was around. I remember that night as if it just happened. Instead of us being apart and having this distance between us, that’s what I’m choosing to think about as I remove the towel from my hair and brush it out before drying it.
I curl it and leave it hanging down my back in long curls. My hair tickles the exposed skin on my arms and back where a few patches of the dress are cut out. Lyric quickly changes in my bathroom before coming out ready to go. She’s wearing a white dress and has put her hair up in a messy bun. Her make-up is flawless as she spins in a circle for me to check her outfit out. While I’m wearing a pair of black ballet flats, Lyric is wearing a pair of deep red stiletto heels. They make her short frame taller than me as she twirls and moves like a damn runway model. Even when I’m not pregnant, I couldn’t ever wear heels like she is. I’d get tripped up and break my damn neck.
We walk out to the living area of the trailer and see my mom, Melody, and the boys before leaving.
“Mama pretty,” Andrew says as he grins up at me from the chair he’s standing on.
He’s already got cookie dough on his face as his large smile goes from ear to ear. Griffin doesn’t look much better as I take in my youngest son. He’s got cookie dough all over his face, including stuck in his eyebrows. My mom and Melody are going to have a fun time cleaning them up once they’re done baking. I give both the boys a kiss without touching them too much so I don’t get covered in cookie dough. My mom and Melody give me a hug before telling me to have a good time out.
