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“There you go. You can hold her as long as you’d like. Anthony can hold her when he gets here too. It’s best for the skin-on-skin contact right now. Since you can’t bond to her while you're breastfeeding, this is the next best thing. I’m hoping that she’ll take a bottle later tonight. One of the nurses is going to try just after visiting hours are over with. I just don’t want you to witness the first time. If she isn’t ready to take the bottle, you’ll get discouraged and I know it’s going to be hard. That’s why I typically have my patients get their first feeding when the parents aren’t here to witness it,” Doc informs me as I stare down at my baby girl.
“Okay. That makes a lot of sense actually. Thank you, Doc. You’ve taken such amazing care of Bexley and talked us through everything. I don’t know what we’d do without having you on our side,” I tell her honestly as more tears slide down my cheeks.
Doc has me stand up just long enough to move the chair so I’m facing the window. Sitting back down, she makes sure the blanket covers both of us as I look up to see my entire family who’s currently here watching with emotion filled faces. They know we’ve been waiting for this moment for so long. The only thing that would make it better is if Anthony were here with me. He’ll be here soon enough though.
My dad snaps a few pictures and looks down at his phone. A lone tear slides down his face as he sends a message to someone. However, something in the background captures my attention. Anthony is practically running through the hallway as he makes his way to the door of NICU. I don’t keep my eyes on him because I can’t see him once he enters the door to wash and put a gown on. Before I know it, he’s at my side looking down at us with wide eyes.
“We can hold her?” he asks, excitement filling his voice.
“Yeah. Doc said one of the nurses will try to get her to take a bottle after visiting hours are over with tonight. They don’t want us here in case it doesn’t work. But, we can hold her. I’ve only had her for a few minutes. If you let me hold her for a while longer, we can change. You just have to take your gown and shirt off so she has skin-on-skin. It’s what’s best for her right now. And it helps us bond,” I tell him, my voice wavering with emotion as more tears fall from my eyes.
A nurse brings a chair over for Anthony. He sits down next to me and looks out at our family as they continue to watch on as we hold our little girl for the first time. I don’t let her go for almost an hour. I still haven’t had enough time with her, but I know Anthony is waiting to hold her and he’s not saying a damn word about me hogging her. He’s simply been running his finger down her back and over her arms under the blanket covering us both.
“Is there a curtain we can close or somethin’ so they don’t see you in your bra when you hand her over to me?” Anthony asks as a nurse steps up close to us.
“Yeah. I can close this one here and it will cut you off from them until you have your shirt on again,” the nurse says with a smile on her face.
I hand Bexley over to her daddy and make sure the blanket is covering her little body. The second I know she’s covered, I put my shirt and gown back on. When I’m covered, I open the curtains again so our family can see Anthony holding our little girl. He doesn’t take his eyes from her as she snuggles into his chest and makes some sort of little noise. It’s cute as hell as she wiggles her head back and forth a little bit like she’s getting comfortable.
Anthony starts talking to her and her head tips up a little like she knows exactly who’s talking to her. Out of the corner of my eye, I see my dad and others take pictures of them. I’m glad someone is documenting this moment because I don’t have my phone out right now. I don’t want to get up and disturb them either. So, I remain in my seat knowing my dad will make sure I get copies of every picture he takes today. He’s not gonna let me miss out on having evidence of this moment. I’ll never forget it, but it will be nice to have the pictures to hang on the wall. I think we need to put one of each on her nursery wall so we can always be looking over her. One of me holding her for the first time and one of Anthony holding her.
“She’s so fuckin’ tiny. Neither one of the boys were this small,” Anthony says, his voice showing how scared he is about holding her.
“She might be small, but she’s a warrior. She’s going to be so strong and has already been fighting every day to make sure she gets through to the next one. Our girl is going to be the last piece of our family. The one who will make us complete in ways we didn’t know were needed,” I tell him, running my finger over her little cheek.
Anthony and I stay until visiting hours are over with. We both hug her close and kiss her little hand before a nurse takes her from us and puts her back in the bed. As Anthony and I exit the NICU, we make our way over to our family. My dad pulls me into his arms and lets me cry against his shoulder. He doesn’t let me go until he knows I’m ready to leave with Anthony. Not that I really want to leave. But there’s plenty of people staying here to watch over our little warrior and I know they’ll send us updates as often as they have been over the last four weeks.
Anthony drives me back to the clubhouse. Kevlar and Lyric are in his truck right behind us. Instead of turning and going around to our house in the back, Anthony parks in the parking lot in front of the clubhouse and shuts the engine off. He turns to look at me before leaning over to give me a kiss. When he gets out of the truck, I wait for him to help me before we walk inside with Kevlar and Lyric at our back.
“Surprise!” everyone shouts as I look away from Anthony and through the common room.
Everyone who’s not currently at the hospital or out doing something is here. The common room is packed full of people and there’s a large banner that says ‘It’s a girl’ hanging across the common room by the hall leading toward the offices and stuff. Pink balloons are hanging from the ceiling mixed with pink and purple streamers. Purple and pink plates, cups, silverware, and napkins rest against the bar and I notice two tables filled with food of all kinds.
“What’s going on?” I ask, looking at everyone as Vanessa and Sami step forward.
“We know this is so fucking hard for you. Leaving your little girl in the hospital every single night when you come back here. We can’t do much to help make this easier on you, but we can make sure you both have everything needed for Bexley when she comes home,” Sami says with a soft smile on her face.
“You guys didn’t have to do this,” I say as Anthony wraps his arm around me and holds me close.
“Yeah, we really did. We have so much to make up for because we all handled this situation with you and Shield wrong. We’ve been doing the wrong thing for months and it’s time we all come together. Not just our club, but all the clubs. We need to be there to support one another and make sure you know we’ve got your back. We’re not gonna let you hide from us any longer and we’re gonna make sure you know we’re here for you just as much as we are for Shield. Neither one of us is more important than the other one,” Vanessa adds as Pop steps up and stands in front of me.
“Girl, you’re family and in this family, it don’t matter if you’re an ol’ lady or not. What matters is that you rely on your family and let them help you when you need that little bit of extra strength you don’t have on your own. I know you’ve been taught that. It’s time for you to put it to use,” he tells me, his voice washing over me in comfort as he pulls me in for a hug. “Love you, girl.”
“Love you too, Pops,” I say as tears slide down my face again.
All I do these days is fucking cry and it’s the one thing I hate to do more than anything else.
“Did you know about this?” I ask Lyric, turning to my friend as she stands just behind me with a large smile on her face.
“I did. I’ve been talking to the girls all week long and making plans with them. We just want you to be happy. We know this is a difficult time and you’re doing your best. But, we want you to see how much we want to help the two of you through this. So, this is how we’re gonna do that,” Lyric tells me, her voice almost a whisper.
Kevlar wraps his arm around her as she snuggles in close to his body. I smile at the two of them because they look so cute together. Not that I’d ever tell them that. I mean, I’ll tell Lyric but not Kevlar. He’d mutter some bullshit about not being cute or something else stupid.
Before Anthony and I can move further in the common room or accept anything else from our family members, the door of the clubhouse opens. We all turn to see who’s coming in. Anthony tenses up beside me and I know immediately this is the woman he’s been having so many problems with. The psycho bitch who doesn’t know what the word no means. And the one who is obsessed with him.
“Well, I see I wasn’t invited to the party. Not that I wanna celebrate that little brat being born,” the skank says as she struts closer to us. “If you’ll get off my man, I’d really appreciate it.”
“Your man? I don’t see a man who would wanna touch you in here at all. Are you sure you have the right place?” I ask her, my voice just as catty as hers is.
