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“Church!” Venom yells out, his voice echoing in the common room as everyone starts getting up from the tables they’ve been sitting at while waiting for our regular church session.
Following everyone else into our meeting room, I hand over my gun, knife, and cell phone. Kasey won’t try to contact me about the boys because she knows when we have church and that I don’t take my phone in with me. It’s how we all handle church. There are only certain circumstances where we actually take phones in with us and this isn’t one of those times. As far as the guys are concerned, I’ve made my bed when it comes to Kasey and I’m gonna have to lay in it. At least until I figure out what the fuck to do. I’m still so fucking lost when it comes to her and our relationship. No amount of thinking things through or debating what I want to do moving forward has helped clear my head or make up my mind. I don’t know what the hell my problem is right now.
I take my seat at the table and wait for Venom to call our meeting to order. It doesn’t take him long at all.
“Meetin’ in session. First of all, I’m lettin’ you all know Wicked, Bull, and myself made a decision without bringin’ it to the table. There are reasons we did this and I’m not gonna get into it. All I’m gonna say on the matter is that one of the storefronts is gonna be used by someone and it’s up to that person when everyone knows what’s goin’ on. Until that time, we’re all at their disposal and will help any way we can. I also see everyone from home comin’ down to visit once this new venture is opened. So be prepared,” Venom says as he looks around the table to see if anyone is gonna give him shit about this decision.
“If you feel there are strong enough reasons not to bring this to the table, then I’m good with it,” Otter says, looking only at Venom. “The three of you know what you’re doin’ and I trust you all. You wouldn’t steer us wrong and I’m sure this new business will be just as successful as every other one we’ve opened since movin’ to Cedar Bay.”
Everyone pretty much goes around the table and agrees with Otter. I remain silent the entire time. I can feel several sets of eyes on me as my own are staring at the table in front of me. I’m not even sure I know what to say right now.
“This have anythin’ to do with Kasey?” I ask, still not looking up.
“I’m not gonna answer that question, Shield. If Kasey is doin’ somethin’ she’ll tell you what it is. I mean if you ever go home long enough to have a conversation with her. Again, all I’m gonna say is another storefront is taken and somethin’ will open up soon. You don’t have to accept my decision, Shield. I really don’t care. I did what I thought was the best given the situation that was brought to me and I’m not gonna take it back. The person had a thorough business plan drawn up and has done the research needed to ensure the numbers are valid. I feel it will be successful and that’s one of the reasons I chose not to bring it to the table,” Venom answers me which is all the answer I need.
“Whether or not I go home isn’t fuckin’ up to you or anyone else here,” I growl out, rage filling me. “I get you’re all close to Kasey and don’t want to see her hurt. However, our personal business is between the two of us and I’ve said that multiple times now. Whatever happens between us will happen when it does.”
“Don’t give a fuck what you say, Shield. Kasey feels like shit and you don’t make the situation any easier for her to deal with because you aren’t dealin’ with a fuckin’ thing. We’ve all seen you sittin’ here in the clubhouse, usin’ your room every fuckin’ night instead of goin’ home to your boys, and fuckin’ keepin’ silent when she’s near. You’re the one puttin’ this shit in the club because you’re a fuckin’ coward,” Viking yells, slamming his hands on the table in front of him as he stands from his seat. “I’m ready to call Rage myself to fuckin’ let him know what’s goin’ on. Maybe then you’ll get your head out of your fuckin’ ass and realize this isn’t a fuckin’ game and you’re hurtin’ the three people you’re supposed to be fuckin’ protectin’. I’ll be there for Kasey no matter what her and those boys need without hesitation. Fuck you, Shield.”
“Vikin’ you’ve been stickin’ your fuckin’ nose in my business for longer than anyone else here. What goes on between Kasey and me is between the two of us and doesn’t fuckin’ involve you. I’m not fuckin’ Clarissa or anyone else. I don’t know what the fuck her problem is, but she’s bein’ a pain in my ass. I can’t even be here without wonderin’ if she’s gonna randomly show the fuck up,” I yell, standing from my chair to face off with Viking.
“What the fuck are you talkin’ about, Shield?” Venom questions as Bull pulls Viking back down into his chair.
“A few nights ago, I was headin’ for my room. When I got to the hallway, Clarissa was standin’ in front of my door. Hawkeye came out and escorted her from the clubhouse. Said somethin’ about checkin’ cameras but I didn’t hear anythin’ else about it. So, I don’t know how she got in here or anythin’ else,” I answer him, looking only at Venom and no one else. “I’m not fuckin’ cheatin’ on Kasey. I don’t know what the fuck we are right now, but I haven’t fucked anyone else. Not that Clarissa isn’t tryin’. So fuck you all.”
Without another word, I leave our meeting room. I don’t want to sit here and listen to these fuckers go off on me about a situation they know nothing about. I’m glad Kasey will have others at her back no matter what happens between us. However, I don’t need my shit being brought up in front of everyone else. If Viking has something to say to me, he can come to me in private and we can talk about it then. He hasn’t done that though. It’s not like I’d know what to say to him even if we did talk in private.
Venom is gonna chew me a new ass once he gets a hold of me. You don’t just walk out in the middle of church for any reason. Even when tensions are high, you fucking stay in your seat and wait until he adjourns our meeting. I broke a rule and he’s not gonna let it stand. I’ll be made an example of in front of everyone. And that’s okay. If I have to sit there and listen to them bitch about my personal life any longer, I’m gonna lose my shit and do more than just yell at Viking or anyone else. So, I climb on my bike and take the fuck off. Fuck everyone here today!
I ended up riding around until it was time for me to head into work. There was no way in hell I was about to go back to the clubhouse to shower and change before going to Wild Things. I also wasn’t gonna go to the house and end up in an argument with Kasey about something. So, I just kept riding until I couldn’t put off going to work any longer. It did absolutely nothing to clear my head or take away the anger and resentment coursing through my body. I resent everyone for thinking they can put in their two cents when it comes to my relationship. That’s not something I ever thought I’d think about the club members I’ve grown up with for my entire life. The only ones I haven’t grown up with are the new members that are slowly being patched in from Cedar Bay and the surrounding areas.
Parking my bike where I usually do, I make my way in through the front door of the club and my eyes need a minute to adjust to the darkness inside. Because we’re so close to opening, the lights have already been dimmed to showcase the stage where the dancers will be performing. Brantley is already behind the bar and Viking is making his way down the hall toward his office. I head for the bar, but I’m cut off by Clarissa.
“Shield, I was wondering when you were gonna show up tonight. You don’t ever take a day off and I was beginning to worry, baby,” she purrs, reaching out to touch me again.
“Don’t. Fuckin’. Touch. Me,” I growl out and step away from Clarissa. “I don’t know what the fuck your problem is, but I don’t want you. I’m not ever gonna fuck you and we’re not in a damn relationship. I’m not your fuckin’ baby either, Clarissa. I’m one of your bosses as a member of the club. If you wanna keep pullin’ this shady as fuck shit, we’re gonna fuckin’ fire your ass. Stay away from me.”
Before I can move away from her, Clarissa moves and wraps her body around mine. “I know you don’t mean that, baby. I’m the only woman you want or need in your life. I’ll give you everything you’ve ever wanted that the bitch you’re with now could only dream about doing to you. There’s no way you don’t want me. And if we have to keep our relationship a secret for now, I’m good with that.”
“Are you fuckin’ kiddin’ me?” Viking barks out, walking up to us as I try to untangle my body from Clarissa’s.
“This isn’t what it looks like, Vikin’. I was just tellin’ this skank that I don’t want her and to stay away from me. That if she doesn’t stop this shit, we’re gonna end up firin’ her. I’m not in any kind of relationship with her and I never would be,” I tell him as he takes in the situation Clarissa has put me in.
“He’s lying, Viking. Shield wants me and doesn’t want anyone to know that we’re together. We’ve been together,” Clarissa lies with a smirk on her face as I finally manage to untangle my body from hers.
“Fuck this shit,” Viking says, stepping between the two of us. “Shield, you have a fuckin’ family at home. It’s time for you to sort your shit out once and for all. Venom is already waitin’ to tear you a new ass the second he sees you. I don’t want your help here tonight. Go the fuck home and don’t come back until this situation is under control. Or until I figure out what the fuck to do about this bitch. Clarissa, get to the fuckin’ dressin’ room and wait for me. I’m gonna make a call and then come talk to you. You might end up losin’ your job right now. Do you not understand we have cameras in here with audio? I heard what was said to you before I even made my way out here. Stop your fuckin’ lyin’ and get out of my sight.”
It's been a long time since I’ve seen Viking lose his shit at work. He typically keeps his anger bottled up tight. I guess everything is getting on his last nerve and he’s not gonna hold back when it comes to me any longer. I guess I’d rather him be up front and honest instead of not telling me what he’s thinking about shit. It’s just hitting me hard because I know Viking and everyone else is telling me the truth. I have to figure out my relationship with Kasey and stop dragging this shit out.
Clarissa makes her way to the dressing room as she stomps away from us in her impossibly high heels. I don’t let my eyes linger on her for even a few seconds. Instead, I keep my attention on Viking and wait to see if he’s gonna let me stay at work tonight. He more than likely won’t, but I’m hoping he does.
“I wasn’t fuckin’ around, Shield. Get the fuck outta here. I’m not gonna be able to do a fuckin’ thing until I figure out what to do about Clarissa. Gettin’ ready to call Venom now. She’s more than likely gonna be fired so that’s your only warnin’. She won’t be an employee soon. If you’re with her, go tell Kasey and let her down fuckin’ easy,” Viking finally says as I turn and leave.
I’m not fucking Clarissa and I don’t know why he doesn’t believe me. If I were fucking her, or anyone else, I’d own up to that shit. I’m not gonna lie about something so fucking stupid because it would be so easy to find out what I’m doing when I’m not here or at the clubhouse. Hell, for all I know, there’s a tracker on my bike now. That will tell everyone all I’m doing is riding around and not stopping unless I have to get gas or something like that. I don’t even stop to get a drink or something to eat when I go out riding. I simply ride for as long as I can and don’t come back until I have to.
Tonight, I’m going to head to the house and make the couch my bed once again. I’ll have breakfast with the boys in the morning and try to figure out a way to start a conversation with Kasey at some point. Maybe when the boys are taking their nap. I’m not really sure what’s going to happen. What I do know, is I have to start putting an appearance in for my boys. They need to see me and know that I’m going to be there for them. I’ll always be there for them no matter what happens between Kasey and me. It might not seem like it now, but it’s the truth. My truth.
Making my way toward the compound, I bypass the clubhouse and make my way to the house. It’s completely dark inside as I shut my engine off and simply sit there and take everything in. My family is just behind that door. A family I’m ready to throw away because I’m bored or something. I can’t even properly explain what I’m feeling. I’m bored, the relationship is stale, we’ve been together too long, I don’t fucking know. Finally, I get off my bike and make my way up the porch steps and ease open the door. Kasey once again didn’t lock it. Maybe she knew I’d be here. If there’s one thing I know about Kasey, it’s that she doesn’t ever leave the door unlocked. She hasn’t since we had our boys.
