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“No. I work pretty long hours,” Shay said.
Her voice was just the littlest bit off, and Hedra said, “Because you have to or because you want to?”
Shay shrugged, stroking Alfie’s belly lightly. “Work is a good distraction.”
“What’s his name?” Hedra asked.
Shay sighed. “Jaden. He broke my heart over a year ago, and I still love him. Pathetic, huh?”
“No,” Hedra said. “Falling out of love with someone doesn’t have a time limit.”
“I guess not,” Shay said. “Do me a favour, and don’t mention this to Ryan. She never liked Jaden, and if she knew I was still in love with him, she’d be so disappointed.”
“I won’t mention it. Can I ask why she didn’t like Jaden?”
“Just a serious personality clash. Ryan pretended she liked him, but we’ve been best friends for nearly our entire lives. I knew how she really felt about him.”
“That’s tough,” Hedra said. “I’m sorry.”
“It doesn’t matter now. Jaden has moved on, and I’m trying to.” Shay made a face. “I’m not succeeding very well, but I’m trying, so I get points for that, right?”
“All the points,” Hedra said.
“I haven’t slept with anyone since Jaden,” Shay said abruptly. “If Ryan and Oren knew that they’d be shocked.”
“Why’s that?” Hedra asked.
“Before Jaden, I wasn’t exactly a nun,” Shay said. “But now, it’s like I can’t get Jaden out of my head. I supposed it doesn’t help that I work with him and see him nearly every damn day.”
“Yikes. That’s rough,” Hedra said.
“Sure is,” Shay said. “I’m rarely attracted to any man now. I tried to fuck a guy once who I wasn’t into, even though he was exactly my type. I hoped the attraction would kick in once I was in bed with him.”
“It didn’t, huh?”
“I didn’t even make it to his bed. We were still at the grope on the couch stage when I noped the fuck out,” Shay said. She picked at a thread on Hedra’s quilt. “I pretended a lot around Ryan and Oren, though. Like, when we were out, I would talk as if I was going to sleep with some random guy at the bar, but I never actually did, and they never really noticed that it didn’t go beyond flirting. Hell, when I first met Wes, I went on and on to Ryan about how I was going to sleep with him, and I flirted hard.”
“But you didn’t sleep with Wes,” Hedra said.
“No. I wasn’t even attracted to Wes, but I could tell right away that he wasn’t into me, so he was safe to flirt with, you know? I didn’t want Ryan worrying about me or thinking I still wasn’t over Jaden and acting like I was into Wes was totally a ‘before Jaden’ thing that I would have done. I was an obnoxious flirt before Jaden, and I feel like I have to be that again. If Ryan and Oren knew how pathetic I was for still mooning over Jaden, I’d be… ashamed. You know?”
“I get it,” Hedra said. “But I don’t think you need to feel ashamed. Ryan and Oren are your best friends. They’d understand.”
“Maybe,” Shay said. “But Jaden got to be a real prick at the end, and I know both of them struggled to understand why I was even upset when we finally broke up. If they knew I was still into him over a year later… it’s embarrassing.”
She paused and then said, “It’s not lying to Ryan. I promised her I would never lie to her again and I’m not lying. If she came out and asked me if I still had a thing for Jaden, I would tell her the truth. But she hasn’t, and she won’t, so…”
She sighed and gave Hedra a wry look. “Here’s where you tell me a lie of omission is still a lie, right?”
“No,” Hedra said. “You can’t help who you love, and sometimes it’s messy and complicated, and it’s just easier to pretend it isn’t. But I am also here for you whenever you need to talk about Jaden, okay?”
“Thank you, Hedra,” Shay said. “I appreciate the support.”
There were a few seconds of silence before Shay said, “I did almost fuck Cooper, though.”
Hedra jerked in surprise. “Wait, what? Boone’s boss, Cooper?”
“Yes,” Shay said. “So, before Daisy and Cooper were a thing, Cooper was slowly going mad because his lion believed Daisy was his mate, but Cooper kept denying it.”
