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She swallowed, the dry click of her throat sounding extraordinarily loud. “It was Dianne.”
“Shit,” Boone said before reaching across and taking her hand.
She gripped it tightly, staring into Alfie’s dark eyes as the miniature poodle stared unblinkingly at her from Boone’s lap. “She’d been t-boned in an intersection by a drunk driver going over a hundred miles per hour. She was in bad shape.”
A soft sob escaped, and she swallowed the sound before it could make itself at home. “I didn’t even realize it was her at first. Her face was… it was messed up, already swollen and bruised because it took them a while to get her out of the car. I only knew it was her when I cut off her clothes and saw the tattoo on her hip.”
Tears slipped down her cheeks. “It was just a small pink daisy, but I recognized it immediately. How could I not when I have the exact same one on my hip?”
Boone set Alfie on the floor before releasing her hand and standing. She wanted to grab his hand, needed it like a lifeline, but if he didn’t want to touch her, he didn’t -
She swallowed a second sob as Boone took both her hands and pulled her to her feet. “Come with me, little lamb.”
She followed him into the living room, and he sat on the couch, pulling her in against him and wrapping his arms around her. She collapsed against him like a broken toy and slung her arm around his waist.
He kissed her forehead and rubbed her back, waiting silently for her to continue. She buried her face in Boone’s throat, breathing him in as Alfie jumped on the couch and curled into a ball behind Hedra’s legs.
Feeling better just being in Boone’s arms, Hedra rested her head on his chest, listening to the solid beat of his heart as she continued. “Once I realized it was Dianne, I…”
“You froze,” he said.
“No,” she said. “My favourite doctor was working the code. She was tough but kind, and she knew right away something was wrong by the look on my face. I told her it was Dianne, and her face twisted, but then she stared straight at me and barked, ‘Are we about to have a problem with you doing your fucking job, Hedra?’”
Her hands trembling, Hedra wiped the tears away. “I said, ‘No, ma’am, we most fucking are not,’ and then we tried to save Dianne’s life.”
She was really crying now, and she hated that even now, nearly two years later, she couldn’t get through it without feeling like her heart was being flattened by a fifth-wheel.
“I’m so sorry, baby.” Boone held her even tighter, pressing kisses against the top of her head and rubbing her back in slow circles. “I’m so fucking sorry.”
“We failed,” she said, her voice dull and flat. “Dianne flatlined, but Dr. Jennson kept going for nearly forty-five minutes before calling the time of death. I swear we tried everything, Boone, but we couldn’t get her back.”
“I’m sorry,” he murmured again. “I’m so sorry you had to watch her die, baby.”
He snagged a tissue from the box on the side table and handed it to her. She blew her nose and wiped her face before sitting up. Boone kept his arm around her, and she picked at a small snag in his jeans. “Mateo blamed me.”
“What?” Boone couldn’t hide his surprise. “Why would he do that?”
“Grief does weird things to people,” she said. “Chase told me that Wes blamed himself for Derek’s death because he went left instead of right.”
“Yeah, but you weren’t driving the car that hit Dianne,” Boone said.
“Mateo believed I should have saved her in the ER. He blamed Dr. Jennson, too, hell - he blamed everyone working in the ER that night, but he was particularly vicious toward me. I believed it was his shock and grief that had him acting so irrationally, but as the months went by, he continued telling all of our mutual friends that I had killed Dianne.”
“They didn’t believe him,” Boone said.
“Some did, some didn’t,” she said.
“Fucking hell,” Boone said.
She shrugged. “Everyone was hurting and grieving. Dianne was… she was amazing, Boone. So kind and generous and just… happy. So fucking happy. Everyone loved her, and her loss was almost unfathomable.”
She stared at Boone. “I know you understand. Derek was the same, wasn’t he?”
Boone nodded. “Yeah. Everyone fucking loved him.”
She rubbed away the tear sliding down his cheek with her thumb.
“Fuck. Sorry, Hedra,” he said. “I swear I’m not trying to make this about my loss.”
