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“Yes, you were.”
He cleared his throat. “So, feel free to tell me to fuck off for asking personal questions, but how long were you and your dad estranged?”
She shrugged. “We weren’t close even when he and my mom were still married, but once she divorced him and we moved out of the house, that was pretty much it. He was always so wrapped up in his work that it didn’t leave a lot of space for Mom or me.”
She took a sip of her drink. “Mom stuck it out for way longer than she should have. She stayed because she wanted me to have both my parents, but Dad wasn’t there even when he was there, you know?”
He nodded, and she took a deep breath. “I feel guilty that she stayed so long. If she hadn’t, maybe she could have found someone else to love, someone who saw her for the incredible person she was. But she never did. First, she was too busy being a single mom to me and then…”
“Then?” he said when she didn’t say anything.
“Then she died,” Eleanor said softly. “She missed out on so much, and that’s partially my fault.”
“It isn’t,” Wes said. “Don’t let the brain weasels tell you it is.”
Eleanor glanced at him and grinned. “Brain weasels… I like that.”
“Derek said that all the time whenever one of us doubted ourselves or felt guilt over something that was out of our control,” Wes said. “One time, Boone was -”
He stopped abruptly. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d said Derek’s name out loud.
“Who’s Derek?” she said when he didn’t continue.
“He was in the military with Coop and me and Gray and Boone,” Wes said.
“Oh,” she said. “So, all five of you left the military and started the security firm?”
“Cooper left first and started the firm, then six months later Gray and Boone got out and started working with Cooper. Six months after that, I left the military and joined them.”
“Derek didn’t want to join the security firm, too?” she said.
“He died overseas.” He could hear the pain and sorrow in his voice. His lion had retreated again like a small child hiding from the monsters in the dark.
Eleanor glanced at him before reaching out and taking his hand, linking their fingers together. “I’m sorry, Wes.”
He shouldn’t be encouraging the hand-holding, but it felt good to touch her. Just the feel of her hand in his had brought his lion right back to the surface, purring eagerly as the depression and sadness that mired down his lion was knocked back.
“Was Derek your best friend?” she asked.
“We were all good friends, but Boone was closest to Derek,” Wes said. “But it was my fault he died.”
What the fuck?
In four years, he’d never once spoken those words out loud.
Eleanor squeezed his hand, her voice sympathetic when she said, “Was it your fault? Or is that the grief over losing your friend telling you lies?”
His throat and eyes burned, and he wasn’t sure he could even speak past the golf ball sized lump in his throat. “No, it was my fault.”
“How did he die?”
“I don’t want to talk about it,” he said.
He waited for her to either try to coax him into telling her or get pissed that he wouldn’t. To his surprise, she squeezed his hand again and said, “Okay. Do you have any siblings?”
He was more grateful for the change of subject than he could say.
“No siblings,” he said.
