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“Okay,” she said. “I apologize. That was the wrong terminology to use. But it wasn’t your fault.”
“Stop it,” he said. “You weren’t there, and you have no fucking idea what it’s like to watch…”
He sucked in a deep breath, raking both hands through his hair. “It was my fault, and I have to live with that. End of story, Eleanor.”
She could feel anger creeping under her skin. She tried to ignore it. Wes wasn’t being deliberately bullheaded, she reminded herself. He really believed it was his fault.
“No, not end of story,” she said. “I know this is difficult, but you have to go back to therapy, Wes. You need to find someone who will help you understand it isn’t your fault. Please.”
“Why do you care?” he snapped.
“Why do I… Wes, why would you ask me that?” she said. Hurt mixed in with the anger. “I care because I care about you.”
“You shouldn’t,” he said. “I know you’re lying about being okay with a sex-only relationship, Eleanor. It’s written all over your face.”
“So what if I am?” she said.
“I can’t give you more,” he said.
“Can’t or won’t?”
He growled again before glaring at her. “You shouldn’t want to be with me. Why don’t you understand that? I’ve told you what I did to my best friend. I am broken, Eleanor. I have so much fucking baggage that I can barely stand under its weight. I won’t make you carry it too.”
“What if I want to?” she said.
“You’re crazy,” he said with a jagged and bitter laugh that made her heart hurt.
“No, I just want to be with you. I’m not perfect either, Wes. But being in a relationship means we help each other with -”
“It isn’t just this,” he said.
“What do you mean?” she asked.
“I’m too old for you, and I can’t give you what you want.”
She stared at him. “What I want?”
“Do you remember when I told you I knew I wasn’t the father of Juliet’s baby?”
“Yes,” she said as confusion loomed large. “Because the timing wasn’t right.”
“That’s only the partial truth,” he said. “I knew I wasn’t the father because I can’t medically have kids, Eleanor. I had never bothered to tell Juliet because she was adamant that she didn’t want children.”
“Okay,” she said, “but what does that have to do with me?”
“I can’t give you babies,” he said. “If you and I become mates, you’ll never have biological children. Is that what you want?”
“Yes,” she said.
“And yeah, I know there’s adoption, but forgetting that I can’t have them, I don’t want them. And I’m not - wait, what?”
“I don’t want kids, Wes,” Eleanor said. “I never have.”
He stared blankly at her before shaking his head. “Bullshit.”
“Excuse me?” Her temper, always so close to the surface, flashed brightly. “What did you just say?”
“Juliet didn’t want kids either. Now she has seven,” he said.
