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Hades: Call me when you’re ready to come home. I’ll come get you. Talked to Meg. She’s gonna keep Allie at her place until tonight. Figured you’d need some time. Love you.
Her eyes welled, and she mumbled. “This is all I need.”
Vada pulled up her contacts, tapped the screen, and held the phone to her ear. She hadn’t expected her mother to answer on the first ring.
“I take it you’ve sobered up?”
Vada bit the edge of her nail, staring across the open field in front of the house. She ignored the faint rumbling of the motorcycles.
“I have.”
“You made an absolute spectacle of yourself last night.”
Vada wouldn’t argue with the truth.
“I did.”
“Calling me at that hour in that state of mind is not only disrespectful but embarrassing to yourself.”
Vada remained silent, waiting until her mother was done. It was only fair to give her a chance to speak, considering this would be the last time.
“That is not how a grown woman should act.” Her mother’s exasperated sigh was dramatic, and Vada hadn’t expected anything less. “Well, do you have anything to say to me?”
I do.
Vada cleared her throat. “I do, and I’d really appreciate you letting me say it.”
There was a long stretch of silence. Vada wouldn’t have been surprised if her mother had completely shut her down. She wouldn’t hang up on her, but she’d layer on the guilt until it swallowed Vada up. That had been her MO in the past.
“I’m listening.”
Vada furrowed her brows. Her mother was giving in way too quickly. Usually, there’d be twenty minutes of berating before she allowed Vada to offer an apology.
“I’m not going to apologize because it wouldn’t be genuine. I’m not sorry that I called you late at night, a little drunk and very upset. Most mothers would welcome that call. It came out of a desperation to be heard.”
“You called and shouted…”
“Mom, you said you’d let me speak.”
The line was silent for a few seconds, and Vada tightened her grip on the phone.
“Go ahead.”
“You’re right, I am embarrassed.” Vada cleared her throat. “I’m embarrassed that I’ve allowed my whole life to revolve around making you and Dad proud of me. Embarrassed that I’d about given up on any chance of a life of my own in an effort to find someplace within your family. And yes, yours, not mine. I would have done anything, Mom. Anything. And for a while, I kind of did.” Her eyes welled, and she drew in a deep breath. “But I see now that it was never going to happen. No matter what I did, the choices I made, and the path I chose, you and Dad were always going to find flaws with it. You were always going to hold it against me.”
“That’s” —her mother choked and cleared her throat— “that’s not true.”
“Yes, it is, and deep down, you know it. I am not the daughter you wanted,” she whispered. “And that’s okay. You and Dad have plenty of children and now grandchildren, who will make you very proud. I’m just not one of them, and neither is my daughter or any other children Hades and I will have in the future. I’ll have pride in my children because of their mere existence. That will always be good enough for me when it comes to mine.”
“Vada.” Her mother’s tone was off, not necessarily warm but not nearly as cold as it had been.
“I’m free with them. I don’t have to pretend to be someone else. Hades won’t let me. He forces me to be who I am and makes no apologies for it. Accepts me, with all my flaws, and loves me for it.” Her breath caught in her throat. Truth had a strange way of evoking deep emotion. Feelings that had been locked down for so long. “I don’t have to prove myself. I j-just get to” —Vada took a breath and whispered— “I get to be me.”
I get to be me. There was no bigger truth and no truer freedom than finding someone who accepted everything about her, flaws and all, years of self-loathing baggage, and forever doubting who she was. That ended with Hades, with Allie, and with Ghosttown.
“The best version of myself is who I am when I’m with Hades and Allie.”
The line was silent for a few seconds. But it felt like an eternity, and for the first time in her life, she wasn’t waiting on her mother’s approval.
