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“She took his balls, along with his pride. It’s what she does. She’s Satan in a caftan.”
He burst out laughing again. He had a great laugh, hearty from the belly and gravelly, completely masculine. She drew in a breath, tucking her hands under her thighs and straightening her back.
“So ya see…”
He sobered up, and his gaze landed on her.
“My shit would eventually filter into your life. You don’t see me trying to end things with you because of it.” She swallowed the lump lodged in her throat. “I spent a lot of time thinking about us. Thought about you bugging my place and how it infuriated me. It felt like a betrayal.” She shrugged. “But you were right for calling me out on my own shit. I shoulda talked to you about what scared me. Not Meg or Macy.” She pointed at him. “You.”
All traces of humor were lost, and he stared back with a clenched jaw. If this was going to end, then he’d have to be the one to end it. It was all on him. She wanted to be with him, and she wasn’t going to let go until all chances were done.
“Chey,” he whispered.
“Do it.”
He winced and furrowed his brows but remained silent.
“Just do it. Say it’s over.” She paused. Her voice wavered with the last sentence, a bit shaky and filled with emotion. “This is your decision, Trax. I already made mine. I wanna be with you, good and bad shit, all of it. I want you.” She pointed to him, making herself clear. “If this ends, you gotta do it.” She drew in a breath, resting her hand on her lap. “So? Do it, but make it quick. Like a Band-Aid, just rip it off.” She dropped her gaze to the floor and exhaled a long breath, sinking deeper into his bed. Her shoulders slumped, and her bottom lip jutted out. This sucks.
The silence seemed to last an eternity. He obviously missed the metaphoric Band-Aid reference. Her eyes burned, and she closed them, trying to batten down the tears that were on the verge of spilling. I’m so weak.
The floor creaked, and she knew he was moving toward her. She tightened her lids, squeezing her eyes. This was almost too much to take. She was tempted to haul ass to the door and run away. But then she’d be left without closure, and in order to move on from him, she had to hear the words.
She flinched when the palms of his hands curved around her knees, gripping her firmly. Without seeing him, she felt him moving into her space. His breath fanned over her cheek, and his lips skimmed her ear.
“Like a Band-Aid, right? Just say it?”
She pursed her lips and nodded slowly.
“Look at me, Chey.”
Her heart pounded. She’d get the closure she needed with his words, but looking him in the eye as he said them? Heart-ripping torture. She wasn’t a sadist. She wasn’t looking for irreparable pain following her for the rest of her life. Fuck. This would be a memory. If she stared into his eyes when he ended it, it would forever be a vision she had. It would play over in her head.
“Need your eyes if I’m gonna do this,” he whispered.
Her entire body tingled and heated, and the lump in her throat made it hard to breathe. This had to end before she hyperventilated and passed out. She jerked her head and blinked open her eyes. He was inches away from her, his lids hovering as he stared back at her.
“I love you.”
Ah Christ, he was going to make this torturous. She gulped and inadvertently sent the threatening tears rimmed at her eyes falling down her cheeks. She waited for the rest of it. I love you but…
His hands caressed over her thighs, gliding up her arms and wrapping around her neck in a gentle hold. She hadn’t even realized she’d spilled more tears until his thumbs brushed against her cheeks, wiping them away. Why was he prolonging this? Just fucking say it…. I love you but…
She was caught off guard when he leaned in, swiping his lips against hers. Their last kiss. He pulled away but stayed close.
“I love you, Chey,” he whispered again, and she felt it straight to her core. She may have heard the words before, but never had she felt it, the way it ripped through her soul.
She fought against the lump lodged in her throat and swallowed hard. “But?”
She watched the line between his brows deepen.
“You love me, but?”
“I love you. That’s it. I wanna spend the rest of my life with you.”
“You don’t wanna end it with me?”
He seemed surprised. “Why the fuck would I do that?”
