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“Shh,” Devil said, waving Piper off. “Getting into character. Let her do her work.”
On speaker, Nikki’s phone rang, and rang, and when it picked up, Nikki’s voice had completely changed, going from the bubbly, excitable Nikki that Piper had seen thus far, and morphing into a deeper, smoother, more professional tone that was nearly unrecognizable. If Piper didn’t see it coming out of her, she never would’ve believed it was actually Nikki talking.
“Yes, hello,” Professional Nikki said. “Mr. Steven Harris?”
“Yes. Who is this?”
“This is Maria from Doctor…”
Here Nikki paused, then glanced at Devil before saying, “Doctor Red… Pepper’s office.”
Devil gave her a thumbs up on her improvised choice of name.
“Doctor Michaels is my primary,” Harris said.
“Yes, yes, Doctor Michaels reached out to Doctor Redpepper regarding your recent bloodwork,” Nikki said, and now her tone deepened even more. “He’s very concerned.”
“Concerned?About what?”
“Your levels of ALT and AST.”
“I thought those were normal.”
“Mostly, but Doctor Redpepper is concerned that you may be at risk for Spotted Cabin Fever Syndrome. It affects the liver and kidneys.”
Grinning ear to ear and beaming like a proud parent, Devil gave her a double thumbs up. Piper, on the other hand, couldn’t stop feeling like she was about to throw up, have an anxiety attack, or both. It took everything she had to keep silent, keep silent and wait to see if Devil and Nikki’s crazy scheme was about to die before it ever started.
After what seemed like an eternity, Harris responded.
“Well, look, I am in the middle of some very time-sensitive work right now…”
“I understand, Mr. Harris,” Nikki said, “but this is potentially a very serious condition that could result in jaundice, bleeding gums, and…”
Devil pointed demonstrably with both hands toward his crotch.
“…and erectile dysfunction,” she added.
“Oh.”
“It’s very serious,” Nikki said. “We only need you to come in for a brief examination to rule this out. Doctor Redpepper has made it a point to clear his schedule in order to accommodate you.”
“Oh. Well, that is… that is considerate of him.”
“As I said, he’s very concerned. We can squeeze you in tomorrow at eleven fifteen.”
“Um… and how long will this take?”
“Five…” Nikki began to say, until Devil shook his head and held up both hands with the fingers spread wide, “…that is, ten minutes. No more than that. We’ll get you in and out, I promise.”
Another long pause, in which Piper was certain she was going to end up with a stomach ulcer.
“Well. All right, then. Eleven fifteen. Thank you, uh…”
“Maria,” Nikki said.
“Thank you, Maria.”
“Thank you, Mr. Harris. We look forward to seeing you.”
