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SIX
Kai
I sink down onto the smooth white comforter of my untouched hotel bed. There’s a harsh silence in the room; a solitude I haven’t requested. I’m in an unfamiliar sort of mood, and I feel more alone than I usually do when I’m by myself. There’s an emptiness, and it’s a deep contrast to the way I felt just moments ago when Sophie was here.
I regard the bare wall where we kissed, remembering the feel of her soft body pressed against mine. She made the air feel like it was on fire; bright and hot and poignant.
Now it’s stagnant and cold.
I drop my head to my hands and curse under my breath.
What a mess.
I tried all night to coax her confidence to grow, hoping she’d open up. I saw the hesitation in her eyes, and then saw it resolve as she made the decision to leave with me. It was a win in the moment, but now I’m beginning to wonder if I pushed her too far.
I didn’t mean to make her uncomfortable, but I did want her to stay with me tonight. There was a sort of unexplainable spark between us, and I know she could feel it too. I desperately wanted her to give in, mostly for my own sake, but also for hers.
Her internal struggle was obvious to me, but instead of respecting her hesitancies, I chalked them up to simple nervousness, and I took things too far.
I rub my forehead. But she did want it, right? Want me?
She did. For a moment, she did.
I fall back onto my pillow hard, letting out a frustrated breath. Maybe she really is just as innocent as she looks. She was so shy and reserved, but when she pulled that cherry-red bottom lip in between her teeth and stared at me with those big brown eyes, I was done for.
I squeeze my eyes shut. Why’d she have to leave? Damn it. I did everything right. This one’s on her. I’m not used to being rejected so early on. I’ve never put another woman off with moves like those. But Sophie is different.
And that difference is what made her so intriguing.
I want her more, even now.
I desperately need to see her again, but I didn’t ask for her number. I don’t even know her last name.
I grimace and roll over, burying my face in my pillow, hoping it will swallow me up into its suffocating feathers.
I tried so hard tonight, but I failed miserably.
Sophie left so quickly, and with so few words. It was clear in her expression that she never wanted to see me again. Her eyes barely met mine after she pushed me away. But leading up to that moment, she was all hands and lips and sweet breath against me. I don’t doubt she would have quickly come undone right there. It wasn’t an act. It couldn’t be an act. I felt her body respond to my touch; like a scorching fire.
So, what did I do wrong? Something in her brain switched in an instant, like a radio changing stations.
But, why?
All I see is her shy grin and her big, innocent eyes. And all I feel is her heart beating hard against mine. But I hate that I care. I hate that this girl is threatening to tear open the wound I’ve kept protected for so long.
My heart stings as the memory cuts in.
Once upon a time, I cared like this. I cared for someone who promised me everything and then ripped it away.
Heather worked in hair and makeup on a play I had a small role in two years ago. She had one of those flirtatious, spunky personalities that drew me in quickly, the brightest blue eyes, and the most beautiful, contagious laugh.
During the show’s run, I eventually got to know her on a personal level after countless days in the makeup chair. She didn’t mind my jokes, and when I teased her, she’d roll her eyes at me, but then she’d grin just as she looked away.
She was so sweet to me; giving me more attention than the other cast members. There was a connection there from the start, and my life began to revolve around those moments with her backstage. We laughed at the same jokes, had a lot of the same hobbies, and I fell for her before I even knew what I’d gotten myself into.
Soon, we were catching dinner after long days of shows, or spending entire evenings at my apartment, binging on movies and pizza. Until Heather, I never felt so devoted to a single person. My own emotions surprised me when I realized that, for the first time, I didn’t even want to look at other women. Before I had a chance to fully understand my feelings, I was telling her I loved her. And she was saying it back.
I was constantly eager to find out more and more about her, and she was everything to me. I fell hard and fast, and at that time, she was my axis. Everything I thought and felt and dreamed revolved around Heather. We were inseparable, and I loved every moment.
