AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“No, Sophie,” I interrupt her. “I’ve told you multiple times now. I don’t do relationships. So, you can stop trying. It’s not going to happen. I’m not interested in a relationship…” I scowl. “…or anything else right now for that matter. I made you a promise.” I inhale. “Now quit trying to convince me to break it.”
The words taste bitter as they leave my lips, and I can tell they have the same effect on her as they reach her ears, because the shock and pain and embarrassment are written all over her expression. She’s just confessed a very personal feeling; she trusts me. It couldn’t have been easy for her, but I chose to throw it right back into her face with an unsympathetic accusation.
Her voice is quiet when she responds. “I didn’t mean to…I don’t want you to break it.”
Maybe so, but she’s certainly trying to fool me into believing there could ever be something more between us.
I’m not having it.
I set my jaw and stand up, folding my script in my hands. “Right. So, you should probably quit the flirting and leave me alone, then.”
It’s harsh. I don’t mean it to be. I never mean to be harsh with her. But if she wants me to keep my promise, I can’t have her tempting me like this. My self-control is only so strong. And if she wants more than the casual fling I’m looking for, then I’m not interested anyway.
I push my script into my back pocket, walk past her silent, still figure, and leave the room without another word. I can’t bear to chance another glance at her hurt expression.
I make my way to the bathroom, and when I’m inside and alone, I toss my script onto the counter and back up against the wall, closing my eyes.
In the pit of my stomach, I suddenly feel a new sensation: guilt.
It’s too much.
It’s too much and not enough all at the same time.
Those eyes. Her eyes. I saw them so clearly the night we stood on the deck in Long Island. They looked at me with a lust and a desire she didn’t know how to hide. Those eyes have gone dormant for the last few months, ever since she came to realize how different we are. She looked at me with distaste and disinterest. I can handle those eyes. They made keeping my promise that much easier, knowing she wasn’t interested in me. But she’s looking at me differently now. She’s dropping her guard. And she’s trusting me. But trusting me with what? I don’t have anything to give her. She hasn’t really given me anything either, right?
Except for one thing. We shared honesty about our pasts and the emotions we bottled up because of it. We have given each other that.
I’ve gone one step too far.
I just wanted to help her feel less nervous about rehearsing our love scenes. I just wanted to show her she wasn’t alone, that vulnerability wasn’t unique only to her. But her eyes; they’re gentler now. She looks at me with hope. She looks at me like I’m a challenge. She’s mistaken my honesty for an opportunity to believe I can change.
I massage the bridge of my nose. Is she looking for a heartbreak? Because I can certainly deliver one if she ever tricks me into thinking I can attempt a relationship again.
I will only hurt her.
I trusted Heather once. I left my heart completely unprotected. I handed it to her without a second thought. It is shattered now. I’m just barely starting to piece it back together. Tape and glue might someday make it whole again, but it will always be cracked.
Yet Sophie has evoked something within me I haven’t felt in years. I can feel her heart beating against mine as I breathe her in, and I know that heart is not like Heather’s. It’s sweeter; more pure. I want to trust it, but it’s still an imperfect human heart, subject to the same evil. I, unlike Sophie, am not ready to trust so easily.
I groan and slam my fist against the wall, biting my tongue at the sting of pain. I can still feel her fingers on my arms. I can still see her deep brown eyes looking back into mine. I can see how badly she wants me, even only on a purely physical level. Why can’t she just give me that, damn it? Why does it have to be anything more?
I just want to feel her against me, for real. Not for a scene. Not because she has to follow a script. But because she can’t bear to hold herself back anymore.
Her silky-soft hair, the smooth, tender skin of her neck; mine to kiss and claim in my own way, without limits…
I close my eyes. It’s Sophie I want. That’s the obvious truth. But at a base, instinctual level, it’s a woman I need. Any woman. Any woman who is not her. Any woman who wants the same, simple, no-strings-attached release I need right now.
I open my eyes.
I know exactly who that is.
I hold my breath for a long moment. Days ago…even hours ago…I would have scoffed at the idea. But right now, I can’t find a reason against it.
Spinning around, I grab my bag and touch the door handle. My heart thumps in my chest. It will be so simple. A quick fix, a scratch to an itch, something that barely requires any thought. So, I don’t hesitate. I leave the bathroom and the building quickly and make my way outside to catch a cab. I peer around me as one pulls up, hoping no one is watching. But it’s a pointless worry because I’m simply taking it back to my hotel. There’s nothing abnormal about that.
Nothing abnormal until I arrive, when I don’t take the elevator to the third floor where I’m staying. Instead, I stop on the second floor, and then I count the doors until I reach the one I’m looking for. I take a deep breath and tap my knuckles against it three times. Anticipation washes over me, camouflaging any sort of dread that may have been there before.
She opens the door within seconds, a stunned eagerness on her own face. “Hi, Kai.”
