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SEVENTEEN
Sophie
I swing my legs over the side of my bed and touch my toes to the floor. There’s a small scuff on the wall across from me. I stare at it for a long time, wondering how it came to be. It was here when I moved in. Did a previous tenant shove a table against the wall? Did an item get hurled across the room in the heat of an argument?
I wanted to hurl something across the room last night. Not at Kai. Not when we were together in the wardrobe room. But once I got home, I wanted to throw everything.
I made a complete fool of myself. Of course my lame attempt at flirting put him off. Looking back now, I have no idea what I was thinking. He was trying to keep his promise, and I was testing him like an immature schoolgirl. That was my first mistake. And I have no problem taking responsibility for that.
But the way he chastised me for fabricating an imaginary version of him in my own head; a version of him that does long for a committed relationship? That was uncalled for. Because really, who would go through their life jumping from casual encounter to casual encounter, never giving love a second chance, all because of one heartbreak? Surely not Kai? Right?
That was my second mistake. I shouldn’t have assumed, and I’m ashamed of that.
I wipe my hand down my face and stand up just as Leah comes through the door.
“Can I borrow your AirPods? I literally can’t find mine anywhere and my flight’s in an hour—” She pauses and eyes me cautiously. “What’s wrong?”
I shrug as I reach into the drawer of my dresser and retrieve my AirPods. I’m not sure why I care so much about Kai anyway. It shouldn’t matter to me what he wants to do with his life. He isn’t going to fall in love with me anyway. And I’m certainly not going to fall in love with him.
No. Definitely not. That was a long shot from the beginning, and it’s an impossible shot now.
Leah sits down on my bed and pats the spot next to her. “Sit. What’s up?”
I hand her my headphones and shake my head. “I think I said too much yesterday…to Kai.”
She furrows her brow. “What did you say?”
“He thinks I want him to break his promise.”
There’s a beat before she replies. “Do you?”
I squeeze my eyes shut and shake my head. “He’s…he’s actually a really good guy. He’s nice to me, and maybe I’ve accidentally fallen for that a few times. But he has basically told me multiple times now that he doesn’t want me for more than one night.”
Leah watches me sympathetically. “Are you sure he doesn’t want more?”
“Yesterday, he literally said ‘Maybe we can give Long Island a second chance.’”
She clenches her teeth and grimaces.
“Exactly.” I nod. “I’m worth more than that. Someone will have to offer me more. I can’t expect commitment from Kai just because he’s the first guy to be nice to me. It’ll happen with someone who wants it too, not someone who has to be dragged into it kicking and screaming.”
Leah looks like she’s afraid of what she’s about to say. “So…you do have feelings for him, then?”
I sigh and stand up to make my way to the bathroom. “I don’t know…” I’ve barely even realized my feelings for him have changed. One minute, I’m denying to Leah that I care about him at all, and then next, I’m practically caressing his biceps.
I grimace as I look at my reflection in the mirror. Slept-on hair plastered to my forehead and leftover makeup smeared beneath my eyes. What a catch. No wonder Kai doesn’t want more from me than one night. I’m a mess. I’m naïve and inexperienced, and I demand hearts and roses in a world full of deceptions and thorns. Nobody wants someone who expects a fairytale. No one can live up to a fairytale.
Leah appears next to me. She checks her phone and then looks at me through the mirror. “I have a few minutes. Let’s talk about it.”
I wave her off and reach for a washcloth. “No, you’ll miss your flight. You go have fun with all your dorky writer friends at the conference. You can pester me with questions when you get home.”
She smirks and pats my shoulder. “You’re my favorite dorky friend. I’d rather be here with you. But yeah, I should probably get going.”
“Go.” I nod to the door. “I promise, I’m fine.”
She squeezes my shoulder and then retreats. “Hang in there. I don’t think you should give up on him quite yet. I’ll be in my seat Tuesday night for your first show!”
I close my eyes. I can’t believe I have to face him tomorrow. I have to look him in the eye as if yesterday never happened. The worst part will be knowing he’s seen my vulnerability yet again. I told him I trust him, which is true. Until yesterday, he’s given me no reason to fear being honest with him. He made me feel safe and secure, like he wouldn’t make me feel bad for who I was. But last night, he threw it back in my face and made me feel like crap, so honestly, I’m not all that interested in seeing him tomorrow.
