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He held up a hand. “I was kidding. These aren’t exactly precision machines.”
“Or machines at all. But it’s great, isn’t it?”
“Yeah, I have to admit, it’s way more exciting than I thought it would be. Come on, let’s go again!”
They went up and down the hill another half dozen times, Deb and Sam joining for a couple of runs before they decided on a break. They got drinks and joined Pete at the fire.
Tom sipped his beer. “Dad, you should give it a try. It’s really fun. Way more entertaining than I thought it would be. Next time, we should bring Rusty up with us.”
“Rusty?” Erin asked.
“Our Australian Shepherd. He’d love to chase the sleds down the hill.” Tom laughed. “He’d probably try to herd them together.”
“He’d bark the whole time, too.”
“True.” Tom turned toward Wiz. “But maybe you don’t care for dogs?”
“Dogs are fine. I’ve thought about getting one.”
“They’re good company and can be very protective, depending on the breed. Aussies are herders, not as protective as some, and they need a lot of exercise and a job. They need useful work.”
“I’ve thought about a Belgian Malinois. They use them in the military a lot. But they also take a lot of exercise.” All those vicious teeth on her side was a comforting thought.
“They do tend to be a little hyper. Still, they are great dogs if you want to protect yourself and your property.” Tom sipped.
Wiz nodded. Everyone else had wandered away, leaving her and Tom in the seating area. Being so close in the middle of a group was okay, but by themselves made her a little uncertain. She wasn’t sure what to talk about. Or maybe she should get dinner ready? She wanted to stay but she wanted to run, too. Indecision was unusual and made her even more uneasy. She rose to sit on the chair’s arm, where she could run easier.
Tom’s bottle clinked on the side table. “Wiz, I wanted to apologize.”
“For what?”
“For making you uncomfortable with the emails and phone messages.” Tom looked away for a minute, then swallowed and looked back at her. Was he nervous? “Look, I am really grateful you got me down the trail safely, but that’s not why I was bothering you. For some reason, I’m very attracted to you. I’m not sure why, since I can’t pretend that I actually know you, other than you’re obviously compassionate and brave, but I am. There’s something about you that just calls out to me, and I’d like to get to know you much better, even if it’s just as a friend.” He swallowed again. “But... I also understand that you may not feel the same way and that whatever you went through when you were in the service seems to make it very difficult for you to be around people at all, let alone me.” He sucked in a breath. “I really am sorry I upset you, and I won’t do it again. If you can stand to just see me as a neighbor, that’s fine. I just want you to know that I'm not going to press you in any way at all, but if you need something someday, please let Dad or me know, and we’ll do our best.”
Wiz wasn’t at all sure what to say. Why would he be attracted to her, little miss nervous, armed to the teeth, scared of her own shadow? Certainly, some men found her pretty. But she didn’t get a predatory feeling from him, nor did his attraction seem completely based on looks. If it was, he had some odd desires. She didn’t get that from him, either. He seemed sincere, but she wasn’t sure she could handle it.
“Shoot. I didn’t mean to worry you more. I’m sorry. I’ll go home.” Tom pushed up from the couch.
“No. Wait.”
He sat back down but scooted a little farther away from her, which helped.
She met his eyes. “I’m not sure what to tell you. I like your dad, and I think I like you just fine, but I don’t really know either of you well enough to trust you. One of the reasons I agreed to hold the party was to get to know each other better in case the two of you need help someday.” She couldn’t keep meeting his gaze, so she looked at the fire, keeping him in her peripheral vision. She kept talking, even though it was hard to trust enough to do that little. “I don’t trust people easily, and getting to know anyone is very difficult for me. Please stay, but just don’t... loom over me. I know that’s a ridiculous request because you’re tall, and I’m short, but that’s what I need. And I’m sorry, but I’m not sure I’ll ever be ready to be in any kind of romantic relationship.” She finished the last sentence in a rush, bounded to her feet, and ran into the kitchen. She needed space from all of them.
She skidded to stop in the kitchen, feeling like a childish idiot. Taking deep breaths, she picked up a spoon and stirred her chicken chili. May as well be useful if she was going to run away.
“Wiz?” Erin entered the kitchen. “Are you okay?”
“Yes. I’m sorry, I just needed to get away for a minute.” She kept stirring.
“That’s all right. It’s your house. Did Tom upset you? We can tell him to go home.”
She turned to Erin, shaking her head. “No, no. He should stay. I told him to stay. I just... needed a minute alone.”
“Take all the time you need, Wiz. I’ll go back to the sled hill.” Erin spun on her toe.
“Erin, wait. I just...I got the minute I needed. I’m okay. It’s just...hard, to feel again.” She stared at the chili. “It was easy to be angry and get revenge, and then it was easy to hide and not feel anything at all. But I don’t want to do that forever. I can’t do that forever.” She looked at Erin again. “I can’t let them win that way. But it’s hard.”
Erin held out her hands, and Wiz grabbed them, surprising herself. Erin squeezed gently and held on, but not hard. “It’s okay. You’re doing great. It is hard to trust someone after you’ve been betrayed. I think it’s amazing you’re doing this at all. I’m not sure I could, and I don’t even know what you went through.”
