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Not looking into his face made the embarrassment easier. “Argh, this is embarrassing.”
“No, it isn’t. Love, there’s nothing wrong with physical pleasure, but if it isn’t possible, then I’m not going to be selfish. That’s not love.”
She didn’t deserve such a selfless man. She’d gotten so much and given so little; she could at least give him that. “The nerve damage isn’t that bad. I can feel pleasure.”
“If we ever get that far, and there’s no pressure to do so, we’ll go very, very slow. You’ve got to tell me if something doesn’t feel good. I mean that. You don’t have to endure something just because you think I like it. We’ll work to find what works for both of us, slowly, together. Okay?”
“Okay. I still don’t know why you’d be willing to do all this, but I can’t give you up either.” She was too weak.
His arms tightened around her, and she felt safe, rather than confined. “You make me the happiest man on earth.” He kissed her temple. “Now, it’s late, and we both need some sleep. You head upstairs, and I’m going to sleep on your couch.”
His low voice rumbled comfortably through her body. “Why?”
“Because I don’t want to leave you alone tonight, but I know you probably wouldn’t sleep if I was in the same room with you. This way, I’m here, but not too close.” He shrugged, and Wiz could hear the amused acceptance in his voice.
“I was able to sleep with you on the couch.” But she’d tried to attack him after.
“But that was on the couch. In your bedroom? Your sanctuary?” He pushed her away a little. “I’m not sure about that. We can try, but you need to kick me out if it makes you uncomfortable, especially after all the emotional trauma tonight.”
Wiz bit her lip. His arms were so comforting. But her desires were platonic and selfish. “I’d like you to stay, but it’s too hard on you.” She shuddered. “Besides, what if I wake up and panic again?”
“I’m willing to take that chance. I’d love to just hold you while we sleep. Or just be there for you.”
“Really?” Nobody was that selfless.
“Yes, really. I’m sure it will also be a lot more comfortable than sleeping on your very nice couch or sitting on this rather hard floor.”
She jumped off his lap. “I’m sorry!” She was so selfish.
“I was joking.” He got up, wincing. “Okay, mostly joking. But I’d put up with far worse to have you in my life. I mean that.” He put out his hands. “Believe me?”
She put her hands in his and squeezed. “Yes.” She didn’t deserve it, but she’d accept it. “Oh, you’ll need access. Let me get my phone.” She ran back to the living room and grabbed her phone, then trotted back and took his hand, leading him up the stairs. She closed and deadbolted the door behind them and pulled him into her room. She closed the bedroom door and locked it too and set the alarm on her phone. Then she granted him access to everything in the house and outside it, even all her emergency escapes and safe rooms. He stood just inside her bedroom door, quietly waiting.
“If you need to get out for some reason, just enter your code in the pad or if you have time, bring up the system on your phone. You’ve got icons for the whole house. Also, you should know about my escape routes.” Taking his hand, she led him to her huge, mostly empty walk-in closet and pulled open the laundry chute hatch on the wall. Reaching inside, she released the hidden door, revealing a narrow shaft with ladder rungs on the far wall. “You can climb down, and you’ll end up in the safe room. It’s on a separate air handler, and there’s food, water, and other emergency supplies. The chute will be a tight fit for you, but you should make it. Lots of guns and ammo down there too.”
He leaned over, looking down. “I figured you had an escape route or two. A weapons vault doesn’t surprise me. I’d rather not try it, but it’s good to know it’s there, and I appreciate you telling me.” His brow wrinkled. “Are you sure you want me to have access to everything?”
“Yes. I trust you. The second is through the bathroom window. There’s an escape ladder stored in the bottom of the linen closet.” She squinted at his shoulders. “That might be a tight fit, too.”
He smiled sweetly. “Telling me all this is a huge gift. I won’t misuse it, I promise.”
She smiled back at him, truly happy for the first time in a week. She couldn’t believe such a wonderful man could love her enough to put her first. Maybe, with a lot more therapy, she could become the partner Tom deserved. She was so lucky to even have the chance.
Chapter 17
Tom woke and blinked at the unfamiliar ceiling. He’d stayed with Wiz. She sprawled on the other side of the king-size, wonderfully comfortable bed. She hadn’t skimped on anything in her house, and the mattress was no exception. The lack of windows seemed a little odd at first, but the murals matching the views from the house were lovely, and the airflow was excellent. He’d slept very comfortably once he’d gotten to sleep. The stress of the week had exhausted him, but Wiz’s tearful revelations were impossible to forget. He’d had to count sheep to lull himself to sleep. He stretched, determined to not let the fury of the past keep him from enjoying the present.
The invitation to stay had been surprising, access to the entire house shocking, and her insistence on his comfort over hers in bed was doubly so. He’d been fine with sleeping in his clothes on top of the blankets. Fortunately, his boxer briefs and T-shirt were a good compromise. He longed to reach for her, but he knew better. Besides, that might lead to something she wasn’t ready for.
Wiz’s pajamas weren’t intended to be sexy, but the tight little T-shirt and long pants in a thin, soft material didn’t hide anything. The superhero print was a bit surprising, but she was so tiny, she probably ordered clothing in teen sizes. Like everything else about Wiz, it was adorable. He absolutely loved everything about her, even all the parts she insisted were broken. She wasn’t damaged; she was strength and determination personified.
He should find his phone; he’d probably missed the morning feeding. Without any windows, he couldn’t tell if the sun was up or not. Even with the hands taking the day off, Dad wouldn’t begrudge him prioritizing his time with Wiz over the ranch. Besides, he probably had Peter out on the tractor. But he should check. He couldn’t remember if there was a clock on the nightstand, so he rolled to check. Wiz bolted upright and bounded off the bed. Shoot. He hadn’t intended to scare her. “Good morning, love. Sorry I scared you.”
She put a hand over her heart. “Morning. What time is it?”
“I don’t know. Can’t see the sun, don’t know where my phone is. Don’t really care.” He didn’t, since she was awake. He stretched out his arm. “Will you come back to bed? You don’t have to, of course.”
She bit her lip. “Not sure that’s a wise idea.”
