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“… You and I both know it only takes one well-placed blade… Not to mention, he might not be alone.”
He wasn’t wrong. We had both witnessed enough of our comrades killed byminori,the so-called ‘lessers’ amongwielders,and even humans to know just how true those words were. Silence weighed heavily between us. My graze trailed Chihiro as he walked off to graze on more wildflowers. I had fed from Malekai before, out of desperation - moments when I’d been gravely injured. Like the fire he wielded, it was more potent than any other fae blood I’d ever had. But in a situation like this, it would never be as simple as just drinking his blood.
All sanguinati released a venom when feeding, and if a tremendous amount of adrenaline wasn’t being pumped through the body to counteract it - i.e. during a fight to the death or when you were actively dying— The venom had a potent effect on both parties. One of its side effects was euphoria and a rather savage arousal.
Which was, of course, only in addition to the bloodlust that I knew would ensue because I’d been over two weeks without feeding at this point. Almost always, waiting for Queen Zurie to entrust me with a task in which someone would end up dead anyway, and I’d have enough adrenaline pumping through me to negate the effects of the venom.
I knew and couldfeelMalekai’s love for me. And it went beyond the platonic love of friends. I knew thatSatia Famawas practically a second home to him and that he tookcountlesslovers… But I also knew that it didn’t fulfil him.
It was ineffectively a bandage and a distraction from what he wanted from me. And I wasn’t sure I could ever be what he needed and deserved.
If I was completely honest with myself… I knew thatIdidn’t deserve Malekai. And once he came to see just how all-consuming that chasm in my heart and soul was…
My thought worked on an audible swallow, my gaze dipping.
Out of fear and self-preservation… Always hiding my true self… Malekai knew me better than anyone, but there was still so much I’d never be able to reveal to him…
My past.
My vulnerabilities…
All those times, now so long ago, when I had been a victim and powerless.
He had only ever seen me as powerful. A force to be reckoned with. Made victim to none. He had never met the broken young female who had been so easily beguiled by the patrons at the Erosyan Temple, manipulated and used to be quickly disposed of, or worse, raped and beaten.
The runaway who had been forced to live on the streets.
The thief that had nothing to her name and had to steal food and clothing to survive.
The master manipulator that exploited those seeking to prey upon her vulnerability.
The heinous murderer who had sought bloody revenge on those who had harmed me.
The crumbling ruin of the person I had become.
Until I had come across a warrior recruiting for Zurie’s army.
Seline.
She had been a fellow sanguinati. Beautiful and intimidating. I had envied her when I saw her. The attention and respect she wordlessly commanded.
She and another male had even sparred as a demonstration to the public to inspire people to join Zurie’s ranks. She had viciously dominated him - despite him being twice her size - with power, skill, and remarkable grace.
I’d joined that same day.
Initially, Seline and I had become friends.
Until it blossomed into something more.
She was my first love. She helped me grow into the female I am now. Had come to know me better than anyone else ever had. After a few years, I began to slowly pepper her with truths of my past that I had hidden in shame.
Initially, I'd assumed she felt apathetic about what I'd told her until a tangible change gradually occurred. She confessed that when I spoke about my past, it made her uncomfortable and made her see me in a different, tainted light. She’d had rigid moral beliefs and had come from a wealthy family - one of the few sanguinati families within Zurie’s Aristocracy. They had also been wholesome and nurturing towards their daughter, Seline. Had provided her everything she could ever possibly need and more. She couldn’t fathom ‘allowing’ anyone to touch her because of the things they’d promised her. The hope they’d given her. Like an escape from hell, such as being homeless and stealing to survive.
Seline had harsh views of suchmanipulativebehavior. She associated the derelict of Atratus with laziness and weakness. She saw the fact that I had experienced sexual violence merely as an unfortunate symptom ofhaving stayed in that environment after I’d been old enough to leave. The Erosyan Temple. The only home, family, and friends I’d ever known before I’d met her.
My heart had both shattered and hardened at the same time.
Malekai had come from a similarly wealthy and healthy upbringing. I didn’t doubt that he would have a reaction similar to Seline's. They'd had a lot in common and became fast friends when we’d met. I’d often wondered if they would have been together had I not been around. They would have been a perfect match, both having come from wealthy families yet still choosing to become warriors in Zurie’s army.
