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CHAPTER 1
Ladies, let me tell you something. There is nothing better than cheating with your ex-husband. Let me explain. My ex-Justin and I were married for ten years with three kids when he got the itch and decided to cheat with his work wife, the bitch he told me not to worry about that they were just friends.
Welp, I wasn’t born under a rock and I’ve read enough online forums to see where this was going. I gave myself two years tops to get my shit together, unbeknownst to him. I’d be the first to admit that after the kids were born practically back-to-back, I had no time for anything else.
I went from going to the gym three days a week to running around behind three kids under the age of five, which didn’t do much in the exercise stakes. Not to mention all the leftover food I ate so it didn’t go to waste that just ended up on my waist.
So, once I saw the signs, I went back to school online for a refresher course since I hadn’t used my degree since I left college and got married. I did some networking with friends from my college days that I was still in touch with and got my ducks in a row.
I never once let on that I knew his friendship had become something more, not until I gave him the divorce papers with the printout of the emails between the two of them that pretty much spelled out everything. I got the house, a hefty alimony that he would be paying forever since I never had any intentions of getting married again in this life, and enough child support to make sure my kids were always taken care of.
My lawyer took him for everything because we live in an at-fault state, and she has a stiffy for cheaters. He got to move into an apartment where he was free to do as he pleased with the skank he took up with.
Well, it’s been eight months since this all went down, and apparently, the grass isn’t greener on the other side. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t gutted by the cheating and spent an inordinate amount of time plotting revenge schemes in my head, but nothing was better than the reality.
How it all started. After I dropped the excessive one hundred- and seventy pounds dead weight that was my husband, I went back to work with the help of my mother-in-law, who practically disowned her son in favor of staying in her grandkids’ lives.
She didn’t want the kids in daycare, so while her husband went to work, she drove the half hour to my house to take care of the youngest two while the oldest, my only son, was in Pre-K.
She went so far as to take them on my weekends as well to give me some free time. With all the money I got in the divorce, I could’ve stayed home and sat on my ass for the rest of my life, but I wanted something more; I wanted to show my kids that I could do more.
I turned his study into a home gym and got back into exercising, not realizing how much I had missed it. I hired a nutritionist for me and the kids, who soon had us all eating better, and I’d say within the first three months, I started getting back to my ideal weight and was feeling much better about myself and life in general.
Now, here is where the problems started. The new girlfriend wouldn’t allow my ex to come to pick up the kids without being there, but when she tried mothering my kids in front of me, I had her trespassed, told my ex we could revisit visitation when he remembered how to be a dad to his kids without his tramp butting in where she wasn’t wanted.
It was easy to get her trespassed because she got loud and confrontational when I told her she was no mother to my kids and would never be even if she married their dad ten times. Yes, I goaded that bitch on purpose because I hate her.
I know, I know, you want to get to the cheating part. Well, I wasn’t just killing myself on the elliptical to fit into old college jeans. It was all part of my plan from the beginning. I knew I was going to work my ass off and lose the weight, which is one of the things he cited as his reason for cheating.
The first time he came to pick up the kids and saw me dressed to the nines, ready to go out on the town, he almost lost his shit. He didn’t know that I was going to the grocery store, but whatever. Now, when he left, I went and did what I had to, I posted a picture on social media looking just a little rumpled with the caption “Just like old times.”
Of course, I know the slag of Hades stalked me like a nineteen-eighties song and that she would get the wrong idea. I also knew that he would too. Apparently, she ripped into him because she was sure that he and I did the deed when he came to pick up the kids and because he’d spent so much time climbing up my ass about where I was going and who with, it looked like he’d taken at least an hour longer than was necessary.
Since then, every time he came to get the kids, which was every other weekend, I pulled another stunt. Then came the day of the storm. It was raining cats and dogs, and I may or may not have implied that I needed him to come get the kids because I had company coming over.
Once he arrived, breathing fire, I reminded him that we were no longer married. Secondly, it was his weekend, and last but not least, he knew how much I hate thunder and lightning, so my ‘friend’ was going to sleep over to keep me safe. Kind of like the way he used to when he was a real man, but I didn’t tack that on.
Well, it got so bad, which I knew it would because I’d been scoping out the weather for a week, that he decided it wasn’t safe to drive the kids in this. We had the first night as a family since the divorce since I had to feed him. I made a fake call with a lot of whispers about how we’d have to cancel because the kids were still there.
He looked very pleased with himself when I hung up the phone, but once he saw what I was planning to feed my imaginary friend, he was back on his shit. “You were going to feed him stroganoff? You haven’t made that for me in years.” Yes, because my kids don’t eat this shit, and it’s a pain in the ass to make besides.
“Oh, I forgot you like that. It’s one of Tim’s favorites as well.”
“Who the hell is Tim?”
Beats me. “A friend.” I served my kids their mashed potatoes with roast beef and glazed carrots while I plated my own food. When he looked at me as if expecting me to feed him, I ignored him. He got the hint and got up to feed himself.
The kids were very excited to have him there and he seemed to forget who he was because he shut off his phone after the hag started calling and texting nonstop. I pretended not to notice because it was none of my business.
After we put the kids down together, he asked to watch a movie, which I showed no interest in, and played on my phone while he found something to watch. He wanted to have a conversation, but I didn’t.
“I’m not really interested in doing this with you. I really wish Tim was here. Maybe it’ll clear up soon, and you can leave so he can come over.”
“You’re not having a strange man in the house with my kids.”
“Really? Don’t you have them around your girlfriend every other weekend?”
“That’s different. This is the family home; it will confuse them.”
