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When I first started, I can’t tell you how many guys tried to get in my pants. After politely telling them no, I started coming up with more colorful ways to express my disinterest. One time a guy offered up his dick as payment for a drink, and I got out a cigar cutter and grinned while I told him I was ready and willing. He paid for the drink and walked away, his friends all getting a good laugh out of it. Since then, no one has gotten too fresh with me.
Whatever Ghost did the night we met, worked. Since then, Jimmy has vanished without a trace, leaving me with an eerie silence that echoes through my life. But in the midst of his absence, Ghost has become a constant presence, a shadow that lingers at the edge of my vision. It’s like he’s taken Jimmy's place, becoming a fixture in my daily existence.
Unlike the other bikers who frequent the bar, Ghost is different. He exudes an air of solitude, a loner by choice. While others are surrounded by women, he keeps his distance. It's as if he's a ghost himself. I’ve never so much as seen him touch a woman, let alone give one any amount of attention.
The mystery surrounding Ghost deepens with each passing day. It's almost as if he's a figment of my imagination, a phantom that haunts the corners of my mind. As I heal and try to figure out my life, Ghost remains a constant.
I didn’t think I’d be ready to date someone for a long time after Jimmy. I thought it would be years before I was ready, in all honesty, I still don’t know if I am. All I know is I can’t get Ghost out of my head. He’s always there, always watching, but he never asks for more. I don’t understand him. He must not like me in that way. I on the other hand lie awake thinking about the man and swear I hear motorcycles drive past my house a few times a night. I must be going crazy.
“Clover, honey. Stop drooling.” Lavender laughs, laying her tray on the bar.
I wipe my face, feeling no drool, then glare at her. “Funny.”
“Why don’t you ask him out already?” She asks, sighing like it’s a foregone conclusion.
I give her a look, and she rolls her eyes. “I’m serious, Clover. You know the guys around here, he wouldn’t say no to you, none of them would.”
I look back at Ghost and see that he’s staring right at me. His dark brown eyes are piercing through me. I can’t figure the man out. If I trusted my instincts, which I don’t, I’d tell you that look meant something. The man makes me feel things I’ve only read about. I want things I didn’t know I could or should want. I want him to possess me, control me, and never let me go.
If Lavender knew how I felt about him and the kind of relationship I wanted, she’d tell me I was crazy. She’s all independence and women’s rights. She’s never even had a boyfriend, but she’s had plenty of sex. According to her, men are good for one thing and one thing only. After her sorry excuse of a dad, I’d probably feel the same way.
“I don’t want some one night stand, Lav. Maybe some of y’all can handle that, but I can’t. I want more than just sex from a man.”
Lavender wrinkles up her nose. “Eww, why?”
I laugh and swat her with a bar towel. “Because, I want love and a future with someone. I want the dream. Empty sex doesn’t get me that.”
“Right, but it sure is fun,” she grins wickedly. “Come on, we’ll go out tomorrow night and see if we can find someone who can take the edge off until you’re ready to get into a relationship again.”
“Lav, love you girl, but I’m not going to bone some guy I just met.”
“What about someone you already know?” She asks, wiggling her eyebrows.
I look back to where Ghost was sitting, but find he’s no longer there. I can’t help but feel disappointed. He’s my constant, my anchor, whenever I’m feeling anxious. I feel safe just knowing he’s there. “We can go out, but I’m not hooking up with anyone.”
Lavender cheers. “Fine! Whatever. I get to dress you up, though.” She says, holding her pinky out.
I roll my eyes and shake my head. “Sure,” I link my pinky with hers, and she beams. Lavender isn’t just my cousin, she’s my best friend. We’d lost a few years together when Jimmy was in the picture. Once I had the courage to leave him, she was right there to help me pick up the pieces of my life and has been stuck with me ever since. I’ll never let a man come between us again.
THREE
GHOST
When I come back from taking a phone call from Pres, Joker smiles at me harder than usual. “What?”
“I just heard from a little birdy. Your girl is going out tomorrow night. She’s going to find someone to finally scratch her itch.”
“The fuck she is,” I snarl.
Joker cracks up. “Easy there, tiger. Don’t go all rawr-rawr on her just yet.”
“Shut the hell up. No one is touching her but me.”
“You’ll have your chance tomorrow. Now sit the hell down and think this through or you’ll ruin it before it’s begun.” He commands in a tone that says I can’t question him. He’s my best friend, but he’s also the VP of my club.
Begrudgingly I sit down beside him and watch my raven behind the bar like I do every night she works. Since the day I met her, she’s been mine. I watch her, waiting for the time I can finally claim her. I’ve given her the time and space to heal from that fuck Jimmy, but I’ve also had eyes on her every minute of every day.
If I can’t physically be there, the cameras I placed strategically around her house and the bar give me some comfort. I’ve also got a tracker on her car and am tracking her phone. She doesn’t go anywhere without me knowing about it. Some may call me crazy, but I don’t give a fuck. I won’t let anything hurt her again.
