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All the thoughts in my head rage until my feet are moving of their volition. My control is zapped. Georgina’s scent is still cloying the air in my lungs, and the farther she walks, the harder it is to breathe. Touching her, being so close, was bliss. Holding her in my hands again was the peace that I needed. Now she’s walking away, and I can’t let that happen.
Our footsteps echo off the walls as I stride after her through the hallway. I manage to grab her elbow as she reaches the ward doors, and before she can escape me, I pull her close.
“What do you want from me?” A yell tears from her so sharp and vicious that for a split second, it slices through me.
I’m pretty certain I’ve asked her the same thing before, and her answer then was as good as mine is right now.
The aftermath of her scream is nothing but dead silence. She’s holding her breath, and I’m holding mine while we stand in this impossible stand-off. The reflection of the bright lights tinges her light chocolate eyes with a hint of honey. Warm, and even though they’re filled with pain, still soft.
We’re toe to toe, and although we’re physically close, there’s a distance between us that makes it impossible for me to see past the stoic expression on her face. Small hands hover over my torso, trembling. And although I only just touched her, I can’t do it again. In this moment, I can’t bear to feel her anger and her pain in my grasp. Even as it calls to the bastard in me that relishes her tears, her beautiful crystal-like tears that taste as exquisite as they look.
Her name swells on my tongue, and even if I know that the first person to break the silence is always at a disadvantage, I can’t hold it in.
“Swan…”
“You’ve finally done it,” she murmurs with a shake of her head.
There are no tears, not even that glaze that her eyes get when she’s pissed at me, but at the same time, she’s angry at herself for craving me more.
“I loved you without expectations,” she scoffs with a bite to her lip. “Do you know what that means?”
Fisting one of her hands, she drops it to her side before inching the other closer…higher, until she all but cups my face, leaving my skin screaming for her touch.
“You never had to love me in return. You only had to respect me, but you clearly think so little of me that—” Georgina pauses, pulling her hand back as she steps away.
Meanwhile, her gaze holds mine steadily. A frown knits her brows as though she’s searching for something she’s lost. Probing, seeking, piercing…and yet, I know I’m the one losing here.
“I like it when you hurt me. When you choke me and spank me, or when you’re so mad that you just have to grab me and squeeze me. I like it because you’re out of control, and it’s only then that you allow yourself to actually feel anything…and it’s sexy and empowering. And for that moment, you’re mine. All mine. You don’t have to tell me your secrets because I feel it all. For that instant you let me in, and it feels so fucking good.”
When I take a step towards her, she doesn’t make a move to retreat. A sigh escapes her as she looks down at the floor. All I can do is watch her. The straight posture that tells me she’s doing everything she can to hold herself together. The tight balls of her fists that hang at her sides, ready to lash out.
Georgina is so much stronger than she realises. She holds a power that she’s completely oblivious to. Her light is bewitching, and its shine is addictive. When we’re together like this, alone, I’m almost grateful for all the darkness and shadows inside. I’m grateful that my soul is so fucking black that it makes hers beam brighter.
Wrapping her arms around her waist, she looks back up at me, and that irresistible pink pout teases me some more. I want nothing more than to reach forward and pull her to me so I can devour those perfectly formed lips of hers.
The thought alone makes my pulse thrum hard and fast through my veins. My hands itch, and my skin pulls tight at the need to feel her flesh beneath them.
“I can stomach pain. I can…but you…you…”
Georgina sucks in a deep breath, biting down harder on her lip as she closes the space between us, and I know that this is it. This is the moment where it all fucking goes to shit.
“If you only allowed yourself to freeze out the guilt the way you block everything else out…”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” I snap, and she clenches her jaw so tight, holding on to whatever it is she wants to scream.
The edges of my control are fraying. She’s pulling and pulling at the loose threads. Unravelling me. It’s what she always does. Pulls at me thread by thread until there’s nothing left, and it’s why I—
“Maybe not, but it doesn’t matter anyway because I can’t do this anymore. I’m done being picked up and thrown away by you. I’m over begging for second place, because you either want me or you don’t.”
The words fill my mouth, swelling on the tip of my tongue with a pulse of their own. Heavier and heavier. Throbbing until I’m certain they’re going to roll free when my lips part. My chest squeezes as her eyes round on mine like she knows too. The silence around us becomes fraught with all the unspoken words. When she smiles, I think that she understands—she has to. Georgina isn’t stupid; she has to know.
Grasping the hem of her dance sweater, I wind it around my fist as I pull her to me, and before she has a chance to breathe another word, I crush my lips to hers. Their warmth is everything I’ve craved since I walked away from her. Her taste is the only thing that matters as I lick over the seam of her mouth, and she lets out a tortured sigh at the same time as she lets me in. The more the kiss deepens, the more I want of her. Of her body pressed to mine. Of her hands clawing at my sides and her teeth scraping my tongue. I want to feel her bare skin on mine as our limbs tangle together. But mostly, I want her to taste what she’s looking for.
“I want more, Freddie,” she murmurs, my name sounding like it’s a prayer she’s cried infinitely. Cupping my face with one hand, she pushes away with her other on my stomach while her eyes flood with tears. “I want more than this, and I want you to admit that you want it too. I want you to pick me.”
You’d think that all the times I’ve made her cry for me that I would’ve grown indifferent to it. That I would be conditioned to her pain. But no. With her nothing is ever the way it should be. It’s all about need. And tonight, the tears sparkling up at me from her relentlessly beseeching eyes aren’t what I need. Her pain isn’t what I need. We’ve gone beyond that.
Together we’ve blurred every boundary, crossed every line. The one thing I swore I would never do again, that one rule that kept everything easy and detached…she’s obliterated it.
