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“You need to stop being a busybody,” Casper tells her, brushing her hair back before pressing a kiss to her forehead. “You want me to take Princess up with me?”
“No, you need to get rest. I can nap on the couch tonight, and she’ll sleep for me in the morning.”
It’s odd to think that she’s younger than me. Not by much, but still…she has so much with Casper. They have each other. Their life might not be storybook perfect, but at least they’re not alone…and they’re happy. Something I thought I was before Freddie. Turns out I was only happier than I am now. I was content; it’s why he was so easy to give in to. Freddie brought me chaos and pain, and I felt alive. When he touched me, there was no part of me that didn’t light up. His kisses tasted of possibilities that I never envisioned. Every time he was inside me, I was whole. The hollowness that I tried to fill with dreams and accomplishments ceased to exist.
“Sofa?” Fleur asks, pulling me out of my thoughts.
“Sure.”
Following her into the lounge, I steal a quick glance into the dining room. My gaze goes straight out of the window to the gated drive. My heart tugs at my stomach as I catch sight of Freddie’s car. It’s impossible to see him from here, yet still, my feet threaten to go rogue and carry me to him.
“Foot in front of the other, Georgie,” Fleur tells me, taking Grace from me before she nudges me in the direction of the lounge with a soft push of her shoulder.
I let her go ahead of me so I can sneak another glance, gulping at the air around me as though it carries his scent. There’s nothing but disappointment as I walk away, still feeling ripped apart, savaged and hollow.
“So, yeah, the only thing you need to focus on is beating the fuckers to the punch. And I know that this isn’t what you want to hear, but that’s the reason Freddie’s out there. You’re the reason, and whether he’ll admit it or not, he’s your first line of defence.”
Although Fleur can’t see me as she settles Grace in her bassinet, I smile tersely at her statement. The last two days she’s done nothing but curse Freddie to the pits of hell. I would ask why the sudden change of heart, but all it would do is open up the wound I’m so desperately trying to keep closed.
“I know he said he doesn’t do love, but he’s still out there.”
“Because I walked away.”
The small truth passing my lips is enough to completely obliterate me. With Freddie, there’s always been that little bit of hope inside me that refuses to dull. It’s clung on through every tear I’ve cried. Every scream that’s torn through me. Much like my soul, it beams brighter in the stormy shadows. Not today though. Right now, that little hope is gone, and as much as my entire being mourns for it, I don’t want it back.
There’s an awkward silence before she turns and says, “We all walk away at some point. The testament to our feelings, what validates them and makes them real, is when the other person holds on for us…to us.”
Maybe, however, there comes a point where experience and reality outweigh hopes and dreams. I never saw Freddie coming. He’s always been there, but he was always out of the way, and it used to be that what was out of my sight was out of my mind.
Tunnel vision used to be my biggest problem. It was so much easier back then. And perhaps, getting away and going back to the Aviary is what I need. To be reminded of what’s important and forget about what will never be.
“You’ll figure it out,” Fleur yawns, sinking onto the sofa and putting the telly on quietly in the background as she pulls the blanket over herself. “Meanwhile, you can help me plan Cassie’s hen do. We need to make it soon so we actually do it before Arabella is forced into bed rest.”
“Do they even have a date yet?”
“Last week of September. It was when they could fit them in at the chapel Cassie wants.”
What? “They’ve taken this long to shotgun it in two months?”
“Yep. I’ve tried to suss whether there’s a bun in the oven, but Leo just looked at me funny, and Cassie laughed. Neither of them said no though, so…”
“She wouldn’t be drinking if she were pregnant, and Cassie was definitely enjoying the champagne at the club opening.”
“Still, you’ll help me with the hen do. Right?”
“Sure, although I’ve already had the PR department at the company book my audition in New York. Next month. If I get it, I won’t be around, and if I don’t, I’ll be busy with the production for the season coming up. So…”
“Your excitement is blowing me away, Georgie.”
While she’s busy shushing a stirring Grace back to sleep, I make my escape. As much as I like Cassie, planning a celebration of her happily ever after isn’t exactly on my want-to-do list. Feigning a yawn of my own, I back out of the room. “I need to get some sleep.”
“Talk tomorrow.”
Instead of going to bed, I sit back in the dining room for a while longer, replaying the mostly one-way conversation Freddie and I had the other night. Everything I said still stands.
I want more.
I want him to pick me.
