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“Because it takes more to be a parent than some sperm,” I bite out. “Ed didn’t change diapers. Ed didn’t read Noah bedside stories. He didn’t take Noah to day care for the first time. He doesn’t know how to take care of his child. Ed wants life on the easy setting. If it were up to him, he’d let Noah eat pizza and drink Coke and spend all his time in front of a screen. In six months, the kid’s teeth will rot.”
“One time, I didn’t know what to feed him,” Ed responds tersely. “One fucking time. He wouldn’t eat the soup I made.” He turns to the mediator. “I didn’t want him to go to bed hungry, so I got him pizza.”
“He doesn’t like carrots,” I shoot back. “If you were actually his parent, you’d know that. You have to puree them or pick them out.”
“Gentlemen.” Renata’s voice cuts through the recriminations. “We are all adults here, not bickering toddlers. Can we act like it?” She looks at each of us for a long instant. “Let me be blunt,” she says at last. “Neither of you has a slam-dunk custody case. Mr. Wagner, you effectively surrendered custody of your son when you left Atlantic City. Mr. Hughes, you have not endeared yourself to Judge Bass. Relying on the courts is a lottery. Is that a gamble you’re willing to make?”
Goddamn it, she’s right. Neither Ed nor I are guaranteed the outcome we want. And what is that outcome anyway? At the start, I would have said I just wanted Ed to disappear. But things have changed. If Ed left, it would break Noah’s heart, and I can’t do that to my nephew. He deserves all the best things in the world. He doesn’t need the only remaining members of his family to be at war with each other.
“No,” I admit. “It isn’t.” I take a deep breath. As Dr. Causi reminded me, I’m an adult. I will never like Ed, but I can at least be polite to him. What doesn’t kill me will make me stronger, right?
“I’m sorry,” I say grudgingly. “Let’s try this again. This time, I’ll behave.”
