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Edward
Nigel greetedme at the door when I got home at 9PM. Usually he was in his room by that time of night. I had stopped at a neighborhood bar near my office on the way home from work and although I was feeling no pain, I also didn’t exactly feel like singing the Hallelujah Chorus either.
“Hey Nigel. What’s goin’ on? What are you doing still roaming about the house at this hour?”
“Good-evening Edward. What do you mean by ‘roaming about the house’? What am I a buffalo?”
“No of course not Nigel. I didn’t mean anything really. You’re just usually in your room watching TV by now that’s all.”
“So how did the meeting go this morning? Was it everything you had hoped for?”
“Pretty much. Nonno bequeathed everything to me……..”
“You don’t sound even remotely like a man who just inherited a fortune? Is everything okay?”
“Yeah yeah, I’m fine. It’s just that I never understood that old fart when he was alive and I guess I never will.”
“What’s there to understand Edward?”
I loosened my necktie and plopped down onto the large suede sectional sofa. I stared blankly at the wall of windows that framed my magnificent view. The lights of my fabulous “City By The Bay” stretched on for miles surrounding my sprawling hilltop residence.
“Would you like a drink Edward?”
“No thanks Nigel. I already had a few.”
“I figured as much, but as your butler I felt compelled to offer.”
“Nigel……. did you ever know my grandfather to have a perverse sense of humor?”
“What do you mean perverse? Like sexual?”
“No. More like twisted or strange; self-serving - funny only to him?”
“No. Not at all. He had a bit of a vengeful streak though. He often delighted in getting back at people.”
“Maybe that’s why he did it…….maybe he was getting back at me for something?”
“What exactly did he do? Are you ever going to enlighten me or are we simply going to continue playing a game of Twenty Questions?”
“Nonno put two stipulations on my inheritance Nigel.”
“Really? Two stipulations you say?”
“You know what, on second thought I will have that drink Nigel. I’m getting pissed off just thinking about the whole thing again. My usual Scotch, neat please. Make one for yourself too if you want.”
“I’ll abstain thank you. My dinner is setting pretty heavy on my stomach tonight.”
Nigel poured my drink and set it down on a coaster to avoid creating a ring on my glass tabletop.
“Thanks Nigel. Anyway as I was saying, my grandfather amended his will that included two conditions.”
I took a long sip of my Scotch before I finally blurted out:
“ I have to be married and have a baby on the way by the old man’s birthday!”
Nigel’s face slowly worked itself into a very wicked smile.
“By Halloween? You don’t say? That sly old dog.”
