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“Why do you say that Nigel?”
“Well first of all Edward, I don’t believe your grandfather was joking at all. As a matter of fact I think he put a lot of serious thought into those stipulations.”
“Please at least sit down Nigel. It’s hard to talk to someone who’s hovering over me.”
Nigel took a seat in the overstuffed chair nearby.
“Now would you mind telling me what the hell you’re talking about?”
“It’s really quite simple. Think about it. What usually happens, or at least should happen, when a person marries and when a person becomes a parent?”
“They become miserable?”
“Do you want to have a serious conversation or not Edward?”
“I’m sorry Nigel. I couldn’t resist.”
“So Mr. Smart Ass……let’s try again. What traits usually develop in a person under those circumstances?”
“Resentment? Impatience and frustration?”
“Edward if these are your honest answers then I seriously pity Miss Jones.”
“Miss Jones?! What the fuck Nigel! What made you say Miss Jones?!”
“Well, am I wrong in assuming you have Miss Jones in mind for this task? She seems the obvious choice. Child bearing hips dear boy… Actually, if you don’t mind me saying so, you’d be a fool to consider choosing anybody but her.”
“Jesus Christ Nigel!” I stood up and walked over to the wall of windows. Nigel was always so damn frustratingly right.
“Did I say something out of line Edward? That was not my intent. I thought you wanted an honest dialogue.”
“I do! And yes Julia is my first choice! I just get annoyed when you’re right all the time!”
“Well there’s nothing I can do about that. I’m the best paid butler on the continent for a reason.”
“Yes I’m starting to realize that. Anyway, Julia is the other reason I’m kind of pissed.”
“Because you asked her but she hasn’t given you an answer yet?”
“Nigel! What the fuck man? Can’t you at least pretend you don’t know every fucking little thing?”
“Pretense has never been my strong suit. Besides, would you prefer I shield you from the truth like a child?”
“Of course not. But you have to admit you’re kind of smug.”
“Smugness is a prerequisite for butlering.”
“Anyway Nigel, let’s get back to your first question. I give up……..what traits do people develop when they get married and have a child?”
“Well if you’re really going to make me spell it out for you: They develop a deep sense of responsibility and commitment to others. They innately start putting the interests of others ahead of their own. Their universe expands because they are no longer the center of it. To put it simply Edward, they grow up.”
“Holy shit Nigel! So Nonno thought I still needed to grow up?! That’s pretty fucking insulting!”
“That would be my guess. Perhaps he wanted to ensure he was leaving his fortune and legacy in the hands of a full-grown man rather than a man-child. Surely you can’t fault him for that.”
“The fuck I can’t! He’s made it so I have to jump through ridiculous hoops just to get what is rightfully mine!”
“And what if Miss Jones doesn’t feel like joining your little three-ring circus?”
I had no answer for Nigel. I was betting on Julia saying “yes”.
