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I didn’t realize how much I missed views like this and cool nights like these.
As I tighten Daniel's jacket around me, I can feel the anxiety leaving my shoulders. All that worry for what? I almost missed the most romantic moment I'd experienced in months. The scene is reminiscent of a painting. That was something else I did while I was Helena. Paint. But that's one habit I'm glad to be rid of.
Whatever happens tonight, I'm going to have to start doing more things for myself. I need to reconnect with the things I desire.
I’ve been cooped up for so long. I’ve been staring at hospital ceilings and cheap textured walls forsolongthat I think I buried the part of me that needed this. If I’m going to make a life here, I need to allow parts of my true self to shine through. I’ve been so worried about looking over my shoulder that I thought Ihadto deprive myself of everything that I like just in case it ties me back to Helena.
Maybe Daniel will buy the town and go back to the city and never see me again. I think I could be okay with that, so long as we have this night.
“I’m just a simple music teacher. Henry’s teacher, at that. At least for as long as he lives here… so, why me?” My throat bobs as an unexpected lump of emotion bubbles to the surface. Can I be loveable as Sofia? Can I allow that for myself?
Daniel pulls his hand from his pocket and brushes a stray curl of dyed hair away from my face and back behind my ear. The tips of his fingers trail behind my ear and down the side of my neck, making me tingle everywhere. His fingers curl over my skin until his thumb rests against my chin, and he lifts my face with the rest of his fingers under my jaw. “You’re so much more than that, aren’t you?”
I don’t know why I feel like I’m on the brink of tears. Half of me panics at his words. That half of me assumes that he knows everything—and that this is the end.
“If I hadn’t seen you play earlier, I would have thought that I had you all figured out. The challenge, I think, is to find out exactly what—or who—you are,” Daniel continues softly. His lips are so close to mine that they ghost over them as he speaks.
My heart stops in my chest. The panicked, terrified half of me is winning.
“What do you mean?” I whisper. I feel raw and exposed. My logical half is at odds with my panic. It explains that we haven't told him anything, that we have been cautious, and that he has no way of knowing the truth. It says I'm overreacting and that all I need to do right now is enjoy this moment... and that the handsome man is about to kiss me.
My fight or flight reflex is at war inside my chest and can’t make up its mind.
I let my eyes flutter closed, waiting for his kiss or answer.
“I think you know exactly what I mean.”
The kiss doesn’t come, and I look up at him expectantly… but in the span of that blink he seems to have changed. All of the bright smiles and wrinkles at the corner of his eyes are gone. In its place is a cold, bitter mask of control.
I start to shake my head that I don’t understand, and everything between us changes. My heart feels like it’s going to stop in my chest. Daniel’s hand shifts and his fingers close around my throat firmly. His lips curl in a derisive sneer as he pulls me closer by my throat.
I hate that my body is perpetually hardwired to get turned on by such things.
The fear and arousal stampede side by side through my whole body.
“Some honesty now, if you please.”
My eyes widen as he confirms all of my worst fears with a single sentence. I feel like I’m going to collapse and cry, but my fight instinct finally takes over. My hands spring up and start to shove steadily at Daniel who doesn’t so much as budge. Oxygen is quickly becoming a limited supply item. My lungs are starting to burn, but I can’t manage to put enough distance between us to pry his fingers from my throat. He’s so much larger than I am, so I can’t even maneuver around him to scratch and claw at him.
I’m going to die here.
Just like I thought.
I should have known better than to think that I could ever have something like this.
The finality of it breaks something inside of me. I put an end to pushing and fighting. One tear falls down the side of my cheek. What exactly is the point? Nikolai will never give up. I'm not sure how these two men are related, but does it really matter? If it isn't Daniel, it will be someone else. It will never end. Nikolai will continue to find people to come and find me. What am I even living for? I don't have anything or anyone else besides Abram.
Daniel loosens his hold slightly, confused by my change in attitude.
“So that’s what all of this has been about?” I say hoarsely. I can feel every syllable against his crushing grip. “A last meal and a final act of kindness to send me to the afterlife?”
A single tear rolls down the side of my face, and I close my eyes. “Just do it then. Get it over with.”
After all, he could have been crueler to me. He could have done it in the school and traumatized all of those poor students. He could have done it at my house and then killed Abram for good measure. At least this way, the only person that I care about will be safe.
Daniel laughs bitterly. “Oh, I will… but I’m going to make you mine first. You don’t deserve to slip away so gently after everything that you’ve done.”
I wonder what Nikolai has told him. I can’t assume that it was much. Nikolai never would have admitted to anything that would paint him in a negative light. He must be the best and strongest at all things all at once. Daniel likely was told that I’m a murderer. I can’t even deny it. I won’t pretend that I’m sorry either.
