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Carolina has moved back into the dining room. She watches Henry return with grass-stained knees and sighs heavily. “Now that you’ve had a break, are you ready to return to your lessons?” she asks.
Henry heaves a long-suffering sigh and starts to drag his feet in the direction of the stairs.
“Come back soon, okay, Ms. Sofia? I wanna hang out again and play some more, so you gotta!” Henry nods with finality. It’s all rather charming. I could have stood there and watched the pair of them for longer than I care to admit.
Helena smiles and nods at Henry, though we both know she may not be able to keep her word. Every time I think I’m closer to figuring out what I’m going to do, I learn something new about her.
I place my hand on her lower back when we step back outside. I’m running out of time and there are things that I’m going to have to look into. Namely, I need to finish tracking down that murdering brother of hers.
Before we make it to the annex, Michael finds me.
“Sir.” He nods at me in greeting, and then once to Helena out of habit. Then he jerks his head in the direction of the offices. Whatever it is we need to discuss must be important.
I gesture for one of my men to come forward.
“Escort her back to her room, and make sure she hasn’t gotten a taste for the outdoors.”
Helena rolls her eyes and goes with the guard.
“Of course, sir, right away,” the guard answers, and he falls into step beside Helena to guide her back to her room.
Once she’s out of my sight, I turn to Michael and follow him back to the house.
“What’s so urgent?” I ask.
“We have an update, boss. And it’s big.”
CHAPTERTWENTY-THREE
Helena
Ihad almost forgotten what happiness felt like.
But being around Henry made megenuinelyhappy.
Just like playing my cello. But when I look at it now, I don’t have the same urge to play. I’m still too torn up over Abram.
God, Abram.
Perhaps that part of me is dead now. I think lots of things inside me died when Daniel told me the news. Abram was the last thing tying me to Helena. I don’t know who I am now. Maybe this is my chance to really let go, to start again—if I ever make it out of here, that is. If I ever want to.
Do I assume my birth name? Do I give myself back toHelena Ivankov? Do I want to choose something else? I think it might be easier to not beanybodyfor a little while. To just be adrift. To just float.
But maybe I’ve been floating for a while. Somewhere over the course of my life, everything has seemed to slip from me. I’ve only been half-feeling things. My abduction has been no exception. Things between Daniel and me are even more convoluted and confusing now.
I don't believe there has ever been a time in my life when everything was black and white. For so long, I've been operating in grayscale. I'm so engrossed in my own thoughts that I don't even consider trying to escape. I should have tackled the guards when I had the opportunity, but I don't want to rouse Henry.
I had awoken this morning expecting to die, but there is no denying that things have changed. After our shared confessions, I suspect Daniel will put off deciding my fate even longer. I'm not sure how I feel about it.
Men like him live and die by their orders and rules—I know that. My father was the same, but for some reason, I’m not afraid anymore. Whatever’s going to happen is wholly and totally out of my hands. Maybe since he saw me with Henry, he realized that this couldbesomething. Not a relationship of course, butsomething. I just have to hope Henry doesn’t suffer too much if he ever learns what happened to me. If I die.
My happy, hopeful little bubble pops all at once.
I’ve been locked back inside my room. There’s nothing to do to pass the time until Daniel decides to come back for me. Being alone means that I’m going to have even more time to think.
I wonder what Daniel is doing. Does he have to meet with Nikolai? There are so many unanswered questions. Part of me wants to offer to help, to let him kill me and get it over with… but I’m too much of a coward to suggest that outright.
I pace the length of the bedroom. My eyes gloss over the fine furniture, but I don’t spend long admiring it. I walk slowly back and forth as I pull Daniel’s sweater closer around me. It still smells like him, and that’s oddly comforting.
