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He cups his hand protectively underneath the wooden spoon so as not to waste a single drop as he waits for me to come and sample the sauce that he’s making. He calls meZaya, which stands forlittle bunny. He has called me that for as long as I can remember.
“You don’t need to go to all of this trouble for me,” I say with an easy smile and taste the vodka sauce he practically forces into my mouth.
“It is no trouble,” He mutters while waiting for my verdict. I can hardly see his mouth moving underneath his thick handlebar mustache.
“Wow,” my mouth fills with saliva as the flavors of the cream and tomato sauce explode on my tongue. I’m hungrier than I realized. I lean around him to see the rest of what he’s cooking, but he steps in front of me and clicks his tongue against the roof of his mouth in disapproval.
“Ah, ah! You will see soon enough.” He hastily hugs me in greeting. “It is a meal of celebration after all!”
“What exactly are we celebrating?” I ask and pick a wooden chair from the three positioned around the circular wooden dining table. Or is it,breakfasttable? The house doesn’t have a formal dining room, but as this is the only place to put a table, it can’t really be considered a breakfast nook either. Whatever it’s called, I sit and wait patiently for his answer.
“To the same thing that we have been celebrating for the last year, Zaya—we are celebrating your health.” He lifts a small glass from the counter, already half empty, and toasts the air between us. I know him well enough to guess that it’s vodka and not water inside of that glass. He downs it like it’s water regardless.
“I will celebrate only if you stop trying so hard.” I know he won’t let me help with the cooking, or the cleaning up after. He tells me that it is not my place to help him in any way. Even after all of this time, he will not allow it. So, I try another tactic. “Come and sit with me?”
“Zaya, I am not so old that you need to tell me to sit.”
“At least let me set the table for you?” I counter, but I’m met with a stern glare.
“My arm might be a bit limp, but I am still more capable than most. Do not age me before my time, Zaya.” He says firmly, and I know that he will not continue the conversation any further.
My gaze drifts to the spot on his arm where I know a nasty, poorly healed gunshot wound lies. When he was shot, the doctors did their best to repair his muscle and tendon... but he doesn't have much functionality in it. His fingers are almost permanently fused in the same cupped position; thelimb does not fully straighten, but he has never let it slow him down. Not voluntarily.
I don’t try to bring it up again and wait at the table as he slowly places the plates and silverware in front of our two place settings. It’s a hearty meal, more than I will be able to finish, but I don’t tell him that. He's the only person I'd never want to offend, and whose love I cherish.
When I learned of Nikolai’s plan to kill me, he was the first person I called. He’salwaysthe first person I turn to in any situation. He was the best there was when it came to hiding bodies and making people disappear. He did so first in a moresinisterfashion under my father’s employ. Then, he began helping witnesses, runaways, and people like me start whole new lives.
“So, eat and tell me about your day,” Abram says after a mouthful of food.
“Things went really well for the most part,” I say with a smile and push my food around my plate.
“Most part?” he pushes. I know that if I choose not to answer, he’s not going to pry any further… but I do want his opinion.
“I’m probably just being paranoid,” I answer finally with a shrug.
“Perhaps,” Abram says conversationally and pours me a couple of fingers of vodka to have with my dinner. “But perhaps it is your gut attempting to tell you something.”
He might have a point.
“Well, the other staff seem perfectly nice. The kids have more energy than I’m used to, but I will adjust. I think that it’s going to really work. You were right, as usual.” I smile tightly. He was the one who encouraged me to give teaching a chance after all.
“And yet your shoulders are tight still,” he wiggles the fingers of his good hand in my direction.
I force my shoulders to relax. I have been trying to ignore this strange feeling in my gut all morning. I’ve felt strange ever since I saw that parent standing in the doorway to the music room earlier today. He was devilishly handsome. Tall, well-muscled, with strong shoulders. His torso tapered into narrow hips, but his pants barely concealed his strong, defined legs. He didn’t look anything like the other parents that I met over the course of the day. I just have to hope that my paranoia will fade when it comes to handsome, dangerous-looking men.
“I think I’m just waiting for something bad to happen… like it usually does, you know? Not that I want it to. I want more than anything for all of this to work out. I guess that’s just something that will come with time.”
“It is only natural, Zaya, to be fearful of things after a person has gone through what you have. Most people will never have to endure such trouble or worry about being watched or followed. You will have to remain vigilant for the rest of your life. However, that does not mean that you can’t have a life that you enjoy.”
I can’t help but smile. “Casual philosophy over dinner, eh Abram?”
He waves me off. “I would not bring you somewhere where I was not confident that you were safe. That is something you can trust, no?”
I know he chose a calm, underpopulated, and franklyboringsmall town exactly for that reason. I’m sure that he’s run extensive background checks on every single person that calls this place home. Even more than that, I am certain that he has gone to great lengths to ensure our safety, with security measures I can’t even dream of.
“I know, I just need to remember to breathe, I guess.” I lean back in my chair and exhale slowly. The only reason I didn't try to flee to Europe was because I couldn't leave Abram behind. I know he's getting older and that one day he won't be able to protect me. I'd never say that to him, but it's a real concern of mine.
Nikolai will never stop looking for me, no matter where I go. Not after what I did.
