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I grabbed him by the shoulders, shaking him hard. “You are Hunter!”
“I’m not!” he cried, tears streaming down his face. “Oh God, I’ve turned into Lucy. I don’t even remember how to use a subcompact machine gun!”
“You have to get Rocco,” I said, bending over as a cramp tore through me.
Hunter nodded quickly, his fingers fumbling nervously as he pulled out his phone. “Right, I can do that.”
I turned to Sinner. “Man, I’m gonna need your help on this.”
“No way. I don’t know anything about having babies!”
“You’ve delivered most of mine!”
“That was different! And I’m not even me now!”
I thought about that quickly, nodding along. “You’re right, but you’re half woman now. You know what happens to a woman. You can help me. Tap into the female side of your brain.”
He cringed, his face contorted in this weird look. “This is so gross. I’m going to see your manly woman parts.”
“If you think this is gross for you, try being the man who has to give birth to a baby!” I shouted.
“Would you calm down? You’re freaking me out!”
Lola spun me around. “Look, I don’t know what’s going on here, but you’ve got this. We’ve got plenty of time to get to the hospital.”
My eyes widened as I shook my head. “No way. I’m not showing up to the hospital half man, half woman. I’ll become a science experiment!”
“I think I need to sit down,” Ryan muttered. “I don’t feel so good.”
“You should try being a man in a woman’s body!”
“Stop yelling at me!” Ryan snapped. “This is a lot to take in.”
“You think?” I shouted.
“Alright,” Hunter said, flapping his arms again. “Rocco’s on the way. I didn’t know how to explain this. It’s so weird. He knew it was me…Hunter, but couldn’t figure out why I was telling him I didn’t know how to deliver a baby.”
“What did you say?”
“I told him I hit my head and lost my memory,” he cried, tears streaming down his face. “I hate myself so much right now! I think I’m PMSing!”
“Again,” I said with as much calm as possible. “I’m having a baby!”
The doorbell rang and Lola rushed over to answer. At this point, Ryan was slumped in a chair, holding his head in his hands. “I don’t know how I’m going to explain this to the guys.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Well, when you stop showing up for poker night, do I tell the guys that you became a woman? Do I say you’re still you, but with tits and a vagina?”
“That’s what you’re worried about? Poker night?” I screeched.
“This is a lot to take in! Since I met Lola, I’ve been shot at, been on the run, and now I’m dealing with a man-woman! So, don’t snap at me for losing my shit!”
Rocco rushed over, but stopped when I turned and he saw me. “What the fuck is going on?”
I narrowed my eyes at him. “What do you see?”
“I see my boss about to give birth. What the fuck?”
