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Did I run from them? Yes, I did. There was nothing like seeing people with their guards down and for the first time realizing I liked them. It had happened with the miller’s boy when I was young. He’d been such a jerk, but then I’d realized he was just acting that way because he was nervous about things. This was different, but I could see them differently. When they weren’t acting guarded, they were really nice to be around.
Or maybe they’re being nice because they get to be rid of me soon.
I didn’t have time to consider any of it for too long. The morning got busy, as it usually did. As if I conjured him by thinking of him, the miller’s son Mattias arrived. He was in conflict with another neighbor about who was responsible for a tree that had fallen. My father should be solving their dispute; property rights were really his issue. However, Mattias insisted on talking to me.
An hour into our conversation in my living room, Truett appeared and sat on the edge of my couch.
“Hi,” He put his hand out to Mattias, the other man took his offering, and they shook hands. “I’m sorry but I’ve been listening to this for half an hour. I’m Truett.” He nodded toward me. “Her husband.” It was so odd to hear him say it. “I’m a Warrior and also a landowner.”
Mattias paled. “I know who you are.” He said he did, but I doubted it, from the way he reacted.
“Good. My wife seems to be of the opinion that, if she just talks to you long enough, you’ll work this out, but you won’t, because what you want is her attention. She’s very pretty, and I get it. But she has a line out the door of people waiting to talk to her who I suspect have actual problems. Here is what is going to happen with that tree. You and your neighbor are going to chop it up together and then split the firewood. Any damage done, you’ll fix together and afterward, you’ll go get a drink. Maybe you’ll meet a pretty girl there who isn’t married and wants to listen to you.” He nodded toward the door. “Out.”
Mattias got up and ran. I stared at Truett. What had he just done? “Why did you do that?”
“He needed to go.” He rose. “And he needed to get you out of his head. He’s not a Warrior, so he never could’ve had you. I don’t think your father would have approved it. Your father’s family has married upper crust for generations. Your mother was poor, but she was also nobility. You were never going to be his. As it is, you’re married. If you want to live here, fine, but you’re still our wife.”
I jumped to my feet. “So what you’re saying is that I shall never have love? Not ever. It’s not a joy I will ever know.” Not that I particularly thought I could love Mattias. It had never occurred to me to want that, but I was digging in because I didn’t like this ultimatum.
He leaned forward. “Sloane, you are beautiful. So beautiful men can’t help but stare at you. I can’t help but stare at you, but it means nothing to me, because I know that under beauty lurks very rarely anything substantial. You seem to be also filled with life and spirit and brains. The whole picture, so please forgive me if I hurt your sensibilities with what I’m about to say.” I waited and finally he finished. “You weren’t going to love that idiotic boy. You aren’t going to really ever love anyone, because love is for people with the time and inclination to believe in fairytales. Love doesn’t exist except between parents and children, and only then if you’re very lucky.”
I swallowed. “It’s terrible if you feel that way. My parents love each other.”
“They absolutely do not. Your mother barely tolerates your father. I’m very sorry to see that he’s fallen so far. There was a time when he had a lot of potential. Maybe he loves her, but it’s impossible to know because of how much time he’s spending with his head down, drunk. Almost the entire time I’ve been here, in fact. What is more, you’re too smart not to know that. So don’t pretend your parents have something to aim for. You were never going to have love like they talk about in poems.”
I knew he was right, but still it enraged me. I clenched my fists. Hitting him would be fruitless and really, I had no idea if he was the kind to hit me back.
He lifted an eyebrow. “You’re not going to hit me. You could. I would never hurt you, but you won’t do it. You’re too controlled for that, and you have nowhere to run right now. No horse to jump on to escape, because you have a line of people out there waiting for you to fix their lives. So, by all means, hit me if it will solve whatever it is that’s going on in your head. I give you permission.”
In one breath, he told me I wouldn’t hit him and in the next he gave me permission to try. “I won’t hit you. Not ever. As you said, you’re my husband. That would be completely inappropriate, but you don’t get to give me permission to do anything. If I want to take a lover, whether it’s true love or not, I will. You’ll live your life. I’ll live mine.”
I couldn’t believe that I said that. I wasn’t going to take a lover. But his gaze flared heat, and then his mouth came down on mine. I didn’t know who was more surprised he was kissing me, Truett or me.
Chapter Eight
Hours after the angry kiss from Truett, I still wasn’t sure what to make of the whole thing. I didn’t think he meant to seduce me with the pressing of his lips to mine. It was more like he took his anger and tried to give it to me when our lips pressed together. He stormed away right after, and I went back to taking meetings.
But the sun was lowered in the sky, and I had no idea how to get through the next days with the guys so all over the place in my mind. Why can’t this be simple?
“Hey,” a voice called to me as I wandered into the backyard. Charles sat on a blanket near our rose garden, which currently wasn’t blooming. It was the wrong season for those flowers. They had to come out in their own time and couldn’t be rushed. I recognized the blanket. It was Mama’s, and the only way he had it was if she’d given it to him.
She’d obviously taken a liking to Charles. Not everyone gets to sit on her blanket.
I waved at him, walking over. “How are you feeling?”
“Like it’s a beautiful almost-evening and would be better if you sat with me.”
I couldn’t think of a good reason not to sit with him for a moment. Charlie looked tired. He wasn’t as pale as before, but his eyes showed he still suffered through healing. Those mothman creatures were deadly. Was there a reason they couldn’t be tracked to their nests or stopped on sight?
Sinking down next to him, I was shocked when he pulled me into his lap to lean against his stomach. I guessed it was the only part of his body that didn’t hurt. His arms came around me. We shouldn’t have been so comfortable with each other, but maybe it came from the caregiving when his injury was fresh. He still wasn’t fixed entirely and needed my help.
“You had so many people come through today. I couldn’t believe it. They all wanted something from you. It must be exhausting.”
I guessed so, but all I could think about related to Truett and the angry kiss he gave me. I pushed the unwanted thought away. It didn’t really matter. I could just add it to the list of things I didn’t understand.
Like why sometimes our apple tree grew fruit and sometimes it didn’t. There was no explanation for it. Or why some old buildings stayed upright from before everything changed and some didn’t. Why was that? And…
“Sloane,” he spoke in my ear. “Where did you go?”
