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That wasn’t a no. Didn’t they tell me how, in the end, Sadie only liked Oliver and that was why he was Pascal’s father? Maybe he’d seduced her. Maybe he didn’t know how to do things otherwise.
“Oliver,” I pulled back. “Maybe this sounds stupid to you, but do you love me?”
He stared at me and sighed. “I don’t want to lie about it. It isn’t that I don’t love you, I just don’t believe in it. I think it’s a fairytale. We live in a rebuilt world, reclaimed from an apocalyptic ending.”
Yes, we’d all heard those stories as young children. The world ended. This is what was left. The old buildings and ruins were evidence of it ever existing in the first place.
He continued. “Maybe love existed then, all those years ago. But not now. This, what we have, is survival. We are better together, so I don’t see why we can’t acknowledge our attraction and make that be enough for us?”
Oliver was right. It should be enough.
But it wasn’t.
“I’m sorry. I guess I’m young and stupid, but I can’t do this with someone I don’t love.” Jayne and I used to whisper about our first time at night. We read forbidden books found in the library, then dreamed about it, even knowing our futures might be as Warriors’ wives. I couldn’t just do it with Oliver, in the tent, because he said it was best. It wasn’t going to be how I worked.
He smoothed his finger down the side of my face. “By this time next year, the part of you that believes somehow will be gone. Then, I’ll admit how much I miss it, because hearing you say those things touches a part of me that is mostly dead. Not alive enough to matter, but it’s still there.” He shook his head. “Shall we find the others, then?”
At least he wasn’t being mean after I said no. I imagined things could go quite differently for others. He opened the flap and offered his hand to help me up. I took it, meeting his hungry gaze with a few hungers of my own. As I stepped into the night, he drew me against him. We really were alone, since they’d pitched our tent on top of a hill. In the distance below, I could see other tents spaced carefully. A central cooking fire crackled with flames, while a crowd of people hung out nearby speaking.
“I’ll get everyone going on their assignments. In the morning, we’ll take you to our home. That will be the safest place for you.”
I wasn’t sure anywhere would be safe. “You know the red guy? The one with the horns I saw in my ritual?”
He stared at me, his eyes darkening. “Sure. The big bad. Yes.”
“Do you think you can beat him? If you saw him, do you think you could take him down, like you took those flying beasts and the mothman?”
The wind blew, making me shiver, and he drew me to him into a strong hug. “I think I would die trying.”
His vow didn’t fill me with a lot of security. But we’ll never see him. No one ever does. There were clearly more pressing things that I had to think about.
Saying goodbye the next morning was sad for me. Jayne left before dawn with her guys, headed to look for Carissa’s men. We’d said goodbye around the fire the night before. No one had been talking, so I huddled up with Jayne, Hannah, and Caroline. We all seemed to understand it would be a very long time until we saw each other again.
“I had a vision,” Hannah whispered. “Of a beast that looked like a man but was a beast. It’s a shapeshifter. They don’t seem overly concerned about handling it, so we’re leaving in the morning.”
I nodded. At least it wasn’t a new something. I really didn’t like how that was happening so much. Why did things suddenly start to change? Hannah and her men left before dawn, too.
But Caroline was still there when we got our things together to get going.
Truett was heading back into Hawkseye alone to speak to Judge. Afterward, he would meet us back at their home. We were just next to Hawkseye, so he might even catch up before we got very far. Especially since Miranda might not let him see Judge, and he was much faster alone than they could be with me on horseback. That just left Caroline and me in front of the ashes from the campfire the next morning.
She put her arm around me. “I need to thank you.”
I blinked. “I’m just feeling lucky because you don’t hate me. I don’t know why I did that to you.”
“Because I needed to wake up and have visions. I did. You woke up my power. How did you do that?”
Was that what I did? It felt more like I’d thrust it upon her. “I don’t know. I just wanted you to see it, too. At the time, I thought it was important, but I wasn’t in my right mind.”
She squeezed me. “We’ll see you soon, I hope. We’re going to our manor. They’re…getting used to me now.”
Should I ask her if she had sex with them? Despite turning Oliver down, and knowing he wasn’t likely to ask again anytime soon, I still thought about it. Would he ask again? It wasn’t that I didn’t want to touch him. It just felt disingenuous to have sex when he didn’t love me. Does Charlie love me? He certainly had stronger feelings for me than Oliver. Freddie wasn’t sure about me, which was mutual at this point.
And Truett…remained a bit of a mystery. I thought we were thawing a bit, but then I had my vision. He didn’t really like me as much as he pretended, did he?
“Sloane!” Caroline squeezed me tighter. “Whatever is vexing you, put it aside. You saved a lot of people twice now. What happened with Carissa wasn’t your fault. I saw that much. It was as though…the wizard rider…he was looking for her specifically. I don’t know why that would be, though.”
Why, indeed? That was interesting. I needed answers, but I didn’t think I was going to get them anytime soon.
