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The ache in my chest turns into a crushing pain. I remember the last time I felt like this—the day I found my mom throwing her suitcase in the car. There’s no fucking way I can go through that again.
“Where is this coming from? I don’t understand.”
“Now or in a few months, the outcome will be the same. It’s not like we’re serious about each other.” I can’t be here anymore. Can’t deal with more questions. Can’t face the truth. I’m terrified of how I feel about her, and that fear will only grow, become more unmanageable, the longer I stick around. I thumb over my shoulder. “Okay, well, Beat, I’m going to go.”
She doesn’t stop me. Just stands in the kitchen, looking lost, and lets me walk out the door.
CHAPTER 27
RIX
I’m still standing in the middle of the kitchen, trying to figure out what the hell happened, when Hammer walks through the door.
Her nose scrunches up, and she thumbs over her shoulder. “I saw Tristan in the hall, and he looked like he was about to commit a heinous crime. Possibly murder.”
I nod and try to swallow past the lump in my throat.
“Are you okay?” She drops her purse. “Rix, what’s going on?”
“I don’t know what just happened.” My chin wobbles. “I think Tristan broke up with me.”
“What? Why? Did you get into a fight?” Hammer looks as confused as I feel.
I shake my head. “We don’t fight. I mean, we haven’t gotten into an actual fight.” Not since the cake incident. Anything other than that has just been mild bickering, which quickly turns into sex. “He doesn’t like arguing because there was so much of it in his house when he was growing up.”
“You’ve never had a disagreement?”
“He shuts down.”
“Is that what happened? Did he shut down and leave?”
“No.” I shake my head. “Maybe? I don’t know. I’m so confused.” My eyes prick with tears.
“Okay, don’t panic. Sit down and tell me what happened. Maybe it’s nothing. Maybe he’s having a day.” Hammer grabs a box of tissues and guides me to the couch. “Start from the beginning.”
I explain what happened—that he was upset when he got here and said his brother had stuff going on, that I distracted him with sex, and we made dinner, but he was quiet and off in his own world. “Even the sex was…not typical. Like, it happened, and I came more than once, but he seemed…detached.”
“Detached how?”
I roll my eyes to the ceiling. “Like usually there’s dirty talk, and he’ll do…things.”
“Like fuck you with a cucumber, spit in your mouth, and try to fit his entire hand in your vagina?” she asks.
“Yes. No. He likes to feel my pulse. Fuck.” I close my eyes and shake my head. I’m about to start bawling because this might have been the last time. “He kept kissing my neck and burying his face in my hair. It wasn’t the way it usually is with us. We’re typically like an explosion. Oh…” I press my fingers to my lips. “Oh, God. It was like he was saying goodbye.” Stupid tears leak out of my eyes. “Maybe he came over here knowing he was going to break up with me.”
“But how did he break up with you?”
“He said he couldn’t do this anymore.” I rub my temple. “That he might get traded because his contract is up at the end of the season, and that we weren’t a good fit. That he couldn’t give me what I needed. That it didn’t matter if we ended things now or in a few months because we weren’t serious about each other.”
“I don’t understand why he’s worried about that now when the season has just started.” Hammer looks like she’s trying to decipher hieroglyphics.
I dash the tears away. “I guess he doesn’t feel the same way about me as I do about him.” I wrap my arms around my middle. “I feel sick. I can’t believe he broke up with me.”
“Tristan is stupid in love with you, Rix.” Hammer hands me a fresh tissue. “Maybe you should call him.”
“And do what? Ask him point blank if he’s breaking up with me?”
“Yeah.” Hammer gives my hand a sympathetic squeeze. “If he’s breaking up with you, he at least needs to own that shit and not do it in some weird way that makes you question what happened. Which is completely on brand for Tristan, by the way.”
“Okay. You’re right. I’ll call him.” I grab my phone and pull up his contact. I feel like I’m going to hurl as I hit Call. It rings four times before he answers.
“What’s up?” It’s clear he’s in his car. Horns blare in the background.
“Did you break up with me? Is that what happened?”
He sighs, and I’m pretty sure my heart falls out of my chest and hits the floor with a splat. “Yeah. Like I said, we weren’t serious. I can’t be what you need. I’m not the best choice for you long term.” He’s silent for a moment before he asks, “Do you need clarification on anything else?”
