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I brace myself because I'm sure he's going to tell me that he's not better, and I can't have that discussion with him right now. It's not really about me as a person next to him as a person. It's my entire life up against his. He has a good family. He can bring someone home for Christmas without having to explain the disaster they just got out of. He won't have to tell anyone that his mom is living with his aunt because of the monster who showed up at my door. He's good, and I can't be good like that.
But Griffin doesn't say that. He doesn't argue with me.
“I'm here,” he says, and drops a kiss to the top of my head. “I'm here, and I love you.”
I love you.
I take a shuddering breath. I don’t know how he can, but I take it. Because I love him, and I need him even if I don’t want to.
“I love you too,” I sob, and it's not pretend at all. As much as it hurts, it's real.
I love him and I want him to love me.
Griffin
I don't know how long it lasts, and I don't try to keep track of the time. I just hold her until she's able to stop crying. She trembles in my arms and I can’t believe she tried to go through this alone.
Finally, Renee looks up at me with tear stains all over her face. “I don't think I can cry anymore,” she says with a tired laugh. “I think that was all the tears I had in me.”
“It's okay if you have more.”
“I don't.” She shakes her shoulders. “God. I'm sorry you have to see me like this.”
“I love seeing you like this,” I say without thinking.
She frowns up at me and I clarify. “I don't like seeing you sad.” I stroke her cheek with my knuckles. “But I'm glad you can be sad in front of me.”
Renee lets out a shaky laugh. “That makes one of us.”
I sit her down on the couch and take her coat off.
There’s no fucking way either of us is going in today. Bar is closed. We’ll blame it on the weather.
I bring her a wet paper towel and wipe her face. I get her some Tylenol and a glass of water, and then I convince her to take a nap. She just needs some rest, and she'll feel so much better. She doesn't kick me out this time.
That’s progress.
Renee falls asleep almost as soon as she puts her head on the pillow, and I tiptoe out, closing the door gently behind me. I shower in her apartment and make myself look less like I slept in a hallway all night and get out just in time.
My dad texts me back. I messaged him last night to tell him what was going on. I told him and Brody. That shit can’t happen. There’s no fucking way I’m going to let that ever happen again.
Renee was wrong about me being better than her. I don't know where she got the idea that she's not good enough for me. She's perfect, and I'm just a guy who had a lot of lucky breaks in life.
I was especially lucky to have parents like mine.
And lucky enough to know people who can make problems like her father go away. Brody filled me in on details I imagine Renee wouldn’t ever want to say out loud.
I want that bastard gone. Out of her life. Out of her mother’s life.
Fucking gone. My phone pings as I stand by the counter waiting on coffee.
Robert: Yeah I know her father. And I’ve heard things.
I text back and forth with Robert and Brody. My Dad gives me his contacts and I feel somewhat better as the hour passes.
It's not much later when I hear Renee stirring in the bedroom. I knock before slipping in. She stretches out on the pillow, her face pink, blinking herself awake.
“Hey.” I sit down on the edge of the bed and run my hand up and down her arm. “Feel any better?”
