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MAGGIE KENNEDY-O’KEEFE
Monday, June 22, 2020
Once I deliver the evidence to the state lab I drive the three hours back to Grotto but instead of heading straight to the orchard I make a split-second decision and make a sudden turn off onto an old service road.
I’ve avoided coming to this spot since Eve died. I had no reason to return unless it was work related and somehow I managed to dodge any calls relating to these caves. Now, after all these years, I’ve come here of my own accord.
I open the car door and step out onto the pavement. It’s still god-awful hot and my stomach hardens with the Braxton-Hicks contractions that have been plaguing me all weekend. I reach back into the car and take a big swig out of my water bottle, hoping that I won’t have to pee anytime soon.
I grab my department-issue flashlight, step from the car and begin the trek to the caves. It’s not far but I have to travel through a wooded area with no clear path and I have to fight annoying gnats and low-hanging branches and a tangled carpet of weeds and fallen logs. I move slowly, carefully so as not to trip. Daylight filters dreamily through the canopy of leaves and I’m reminded how magical this place once felt to me. Now all I feel is dread.
As children, Eve and I would pack sack lunches and play tag here, chasing one another around tree trunks until we were sweaty and out of breath. We’d look for secret paths and bear cubs, unsuccessfully of course. The only things we managed to find were Nola lurking after us and poison ivy, but we still had fun.
Above me I hear what I hope is the scuttle of a squirrel or a raccoon. Supporting my belly with two hands I pick up the pace. Eventually the trees thin and I find myself standing in front of Ransom Caves.
The three caves sit before me like a disturbing series of Halloween masks. One with an entrance in the shape of a wide, gaping smile, another with a half-closed sneer and a third with a tight-lipped, nearly impassable smirk. Eve died just inside the gaping smile known as Rattlesnake.
We were forbidden to go inside Rattlesnake because it was known to flood in heavy rains and it had a dizzying number of paths and with one wrong turn you could get hopelessly lost. We were supposed to stick to the sneer. Of course we didn’t listen and we spent hours exploring Rattlesnake and it became as familiar to us as our backyards.
I don’t know why I’m here, except that maybe things have come full circle. This is where the story of my last twenty-five years began and now ends. The evidence is in the custody of the state lab. It’s out of my hands. The sun is beginning to set but I have no intention of staying long, just long enough to talk to Eve. To apologize, to ask for forgiveness. I move toward Rattlesnake and take a hesitant step inside. Immediately the temperature drops and the cool air feels good against my skin.
“Hello,” I shout and the word bounces right back to me. We did that as kids, shout random words into the dark and listen as the sound waves spring wildly against the cave walls like a bouncy ball.
I turn in a slow circle, trying to take in as much of my surroundings as I can before the sun completely fades. Fireflies wink back and forth to one another and I have a flash of nostalgia. Me and Eve and Nola chasing after lightning bugs, holding them carefully in our cupped hands. Except for Nola, who would spread the wings out wide and then peel away the golden orb.
I duck my head to avoid striking my forehead on a rocky low-hanging dip. A dank, mildewy smell fills my nose and my heart bangs against my ribs. A shallow river trickles along a fissure in the stone and collects in a wide, deep crevice. I’m standing on the spot where Eve was found. The crime scene photos flash in my head. Eve’s wide, unseeing eyes. The red-rose bloom of blood haloing her head. “I’m so sorry, Eve,” I whisper and then sway and reach out for something to hold on to and find the uneven, cool rock wall.
I move more deeply into the cavern until I’m at the spot where the cave’s ceiling opens up into a natural skylight. Above me the evening sky is marbled blue and pearl gray.
“Maggie?” a voice says. “Are you okay?”
I startle. “Nola?” I ask, turning toward the sound. “What are you doing here?” Her red hair is scraped back from her face in a messy ponytail and she’s got a backpack on her shoulders.
“Now what are the chances of the two of us running into each other this way?” Nola asks breezily.
My stomach feels crampy and a surge of heartburn threatens to bring up my lunch. “I’m guessing zero,” I say trying to keep the fear from my voice. The last place I want to be is anywhere alone with Nola. “What do you want?” I ask. “What are you doing here?”
“Obviously, I followed you,” Nola says, her eyes scanning the cave walls. “I wanted to make sure you delivered the evidence to the state lab.”
“You followed me to Des Moines?” I ask in disbelief. How could she have tracked me all the way to the state lab and back without me noticing? I wonder if she saw me pulling off onto the gravel road earlier in the day. Nola just stands there with a nasty grin on her face.
“I did what you told me to. Now can’t you just leave me alone, Nola?” I ask. I’m so tired. My pelvis aches and I feel vaguely nauseated.
Nola rubs her arms as if she’s cold. She looks around, and the smugness is replaced with sadness. Is it genuine? Maybe. Just outside the cave, the sun gives its final gasp and disappears behind a black curtain of clouds.
“It’s getting late,” I say, stepping past her. “I’m going home.”
“No, wait,” Nola says, latching on to my wrist. “I just want to talk to you for a minute.”
I squirm away from her grasp. “Seriously, Nola, I’m really tired and feel like crap. I’m going home, put my feet up and count the number of minutes between contractions.”
“If only I thought you were truly sorry,” Nola says, sliding the backpack from her shoulders. It lands on the stone floor with a thud.
My head is pounding and my stomach is queasy. Despite the cool air, sweat trickles down the back of my neck. I glance over my shoulder toward the cave’s opening. Why do I feel like I’m being ambushed? There’s no way I’ll ever be able to outrun her. “But I am,” I say. “I am sorry. I’m so, so sorry that I hurt Eve. If I could go back and change what happened I would. I would trade places with Eve in a heartbeat.”
Nola flips on her flashlight and folds her arms across her chest, a bitter smile on her face. “So you say.”
My belly tightens and releases again. It doesn’t exactly hurt but it’s got a bite to it. I can’t be in labor, can I? It’s too early. The baby isn’t ready to come yet. I’m not ready for the baby to come yet. I look around and find a ragged boulder to sit on. I take a few deep breaths and after a minute the world stops tilting.
