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As soon as Andy Fraser left Stowe, I wanted to go too. Simon was still holding on to his face and resisting Jamie, who was trying to pull his hand away to get a closer look.
“We’re out of here,” I said. Jamie turned to look back at the barbecue set up. “Leave it,” I said. The caterers could clean it all up. They were being paid enough. The cops were still walking in and out of the house. I went to our car and started the engine. Jamie and Simon were too slow to follow. I wanted to roll down the window and scream at them to hurry up. I couldn’t be there anymore. Couldn’t look at the lake, at the boat bobbing gently at the jetty. It was like a goddamn horror movie. Finally, Jamie and Simon climbed in. Simon’s door was still closing when I accelerated away.
“Rory!” Jamie said.
“Sorry.” I didn’t slow down.
“I don’t blame you for being upset. Jesus. That woman is crazy. She’s lost her mind. I mean, completely lost her mind.”
I kept driving. I wanted to get home and shower again. I needed to talk to Simon.
“I’m going to call Matthew Wright as soon as we get in. He better not think we’re going to let this one go.”
I didn’t respond. At that exact moment, I didn’t give a shit about anything except getting home and getting back into the shower. All day, all I’d been smelling was lake water, from my hands, my clothes, my whole body. It felt like the water had soaked into my skin. Like I was sweating the stuff, which wasn’t possible. I’d gotten home from Stowe just before 5:00 A.M. I’d parked the truck in the garage. I stripped there and threw my clothes and boots straight into the trash can, then walked naked to the bathroom in the gym downstairs. I’d been in there for less than five minutes when Jamie came looking for me. She assumed I’d been working out, and I didn’t correct her. I’d just had time to dry off and dress and then I’d had to drive straight back to where I’d just come from.
“Don’t you think we should call Wright and make sure he’s going to charge her? What if she turns up at our house? I honestly think anything’s possible at this point.”
“Let it go, Jamie.”
Her whole body stiffened. She gave me a look that I didn’t like.
“Just give me a minute, okay? It’s been a long day. I need time to think.”
She acted then like she was fine with whatever, but that meant nothing. Jamie is very good at hiding what she really feels. We got home. I went upstairs and straight to the shower. I turned the water up as hot as it would go and washed with shampoo, twice, then body soap, three times. When I got out and dried off, I could smell only eucalyptus. I dressed and went looking for Simon. I found him in his bedroom. He was lying on his bed, with his shoes still on, headphones over his ears, scrolling through his phone. He looked up when he saw me, slid his headphones back, and gave me a sunny smile. He looked like a kid. Like a boy.
“Hey, Dad.”
“Shoes off the bed.” I said it automatically. How fucking stupid.
Simon slipped his shoes off, let them drop onto the floor, and sat up straighter on the bed.
“You were right about the search. It was the right thing for me to go. Sorry I was kind of an asshole last night. It’s just a lot, you know?” He was upbeat. Almost giddy. Because he thought he’d gotten away with something.
There was an armchair in the corner of Simon’s room that I’d never noticed before. It was oversized, tan leather, and the cushion was firm. It was masculine and stylish. Designer. I could tell by looking at it that the cost of the chair was probably more than my first car. Simon hadn’t picked it. He sure as hell hadn’t paid for it. Jamie must have put it here, but when? Was it a recent purchase, or had it been there since we moved in? I didn’t know. How much else had I missed?
I sat in the chair and looked at my son.
“They’re not going to find her, Simon.” I watched his face. The smile didn’t drop. “They’re not going to find her, because I already did.”
I saw the shock of it hit him. The smile disappeared. His mouth fell open. His body stiffened. He tried to pull himself together, to bullshit his way past it.
“You found Nina? But that’s so great. Is she okay? Where was she?”
“Stop. Stop it.”
I closed my eyes. I couldn’t look at his face. I couldn’t watch him try to figure out how best to lie to me. But I couldn’t sit there with my eyes closed either. I turned my head and looked outside. Night had fallen. The pool lights had come on and the water was an eerie blue in the darkness.
“Why did you do it?”
There was the longest silence. His response, when it came, was a whisper. “It was an accident.”
I saw everything start to slip away. His future. The life we’d lived together as a family, the life I’d wanted for him, all of it started to slip away. I swallowed.
“Tell me.”
The words came out in a rush.
“We’d been drinking. And we’d been hiking all day. We were both tired. We started arguing about stupid stuff. Whose turn it was to make dinner, you know. And so I made dinner, but I was pissed at her and she knew it and she didn’t want me to be angry. Like, she wanted me to make dinner but also say that it was my turn and that I was fine with it, but it wasn’t, and I wasn’t, and it all seems so fucking stupid now.” He was crying. The words kept spilling out of him. “She wouldn’t leave me alone. I went upstairs and she followed me up. So I went back down to the living room and she followed me there too. She kept asking me to apologize and I wouldn’t and she wouldn’t let it go. She kept at me and at me and pulling at me and the more I shook her off the more she got worked up. And then she grabbed my arm and I just... sort of... pushed her off me. That’s all, Dad. I swear it. But she stumbled backward and her boots were on the floor and she fell over them. She hit the back of her head, really hard, on the stone hearth. And she just... she just died.”
