AllFreeNovel
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“You mean like in the program?”
“The principles can be applied to anything.”
“I’ll send flowers, thanks.” I picked up my fork and dug into my cake, delicious because chocolate is perfect.
“Did you eat dinner?”
“No.” I’d forgotten, with everything that went on.
“You know to watch that. Remember HALT.”
“Right.” HALT was our acronym for hungry, angry, lonely, and tired, which were the times that we were likely to drink. But for days, my routine had been thrown off. “It’s been crazy at work.”
“What’s going on at work, apart from fighting with your brother?”
I realized I couldn’t be specific about my fake-relapse, so I forkedanother hunk of cake into my mouth. “I feel the lowest since I got out of rehab.”
“Can you say why?”
“I’m investigating a hard case, and I was face-to-face with somebody dying of cancer, like, could dietomorrow.He’s part of a lawsuit that even if we win, won’t come in time for him.”
“That’s serious.”
I tried to shake it off. “But then, this is how people live, normal people who don’t drink. They do this every day and they don’t drink. They do it and they don’t whine. Theyhandleit. This plaintiff I’m telling you about, his name is Joe,he’shandling it. He’s handlingdeath. He doesn’t have to call somebody to come hold his hand.”
Jake’s face fell. “You’re doing fine.”
“I don’t feel like I’m doing fine. I feel like I’m screwing up.” I wolfed down the rest of the cake.
“Maybe you should think of it this way.” Jake linked his fingers in front of him. “You said you made a date, right?”
“Yes.”
“You got a cat, though you never had one before?”
“Yes.”
“It sounds as if things are getting harder at work. You met someone at the end of his life. That’s a special time that you shared with someone—that’s special.”
“You’re pushing it with thespecial.”
“My point is, this iswhyyou got sober, TJ. To have these difficulties. To straighten things out at work. To get a woman to go out with you. To get a cat. To make your own choices. This is the goal, TJ. You’re living for the first time ever. Do you follow me?”
I blinked. “Honestly, yes.”
“You didn’t do any of these things before. All you did was drink. This is new to you, isn’t it?”
“Yes.”
“So you’re going to make mistakes. You’re a beginner.”
“Atlife?”
“Exactly.” Jake smiled. “Normalize that doing hard things can make you feel good, but it’s difficult. Credit yourself for dealing with challenges you never did before. Be patient with yourself. Time takes time. Welcome to life.”
“Thanks,” I told him. I did feel better.
Jake seemed to relax. “I have faith in you. Keep coming to meetings. You don’t have to do it alone. The program is there for you, all of us are. It’s the way to stay sober, one day at a time.”
