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"Da," I sigh. "Come on, I really have to go to work. I can't be late." Not again. I've only just got this job. The last thing any of us need is for me to lose it. I'm the only one who’s paying the bills. If I lose this job, then we're all fucked.
"Job," my da sneers. "Stripping isn't a job, it's a fucking abomination."
Oh, here we go again. My father has a problem with my job. I get it; not everyone is happy that I'm stripping. But it's the only job I could get that paid enough for me to pay the bills and make sure my family is taken care of. My da gets money from the government as he had an accident while at work. He hurt his back and hasn't been able to work since. But the money he gets is to keep his alcohol and gambling addiction up. My ma couldn't put up with it any longer and walked out. We haven’t seen her for the past four months. So it's down to me to keep everyone from homelessness. It happened once, and I swore we'd never end up back there. Not again.
"Maybe if you didn't piss all your money away, then I wouldn't have to strip. But seeing as you're never going to change, Da, don't you dare try and make me feel bad for doing whatever it takes to keep this family fed and keep a roof over our heads."
He glares at me. The look of disdain on his face used to make me shiver in shame, but not anymore. "You're as bad as your ma. She was full of shit too."
I laugh, but it's mirthless and filled with spite. "You ran her away. She was sick of dealing with your bullshit, Da. Why on earth can't you see just how fucked up this is? I mean, I'm eighteen. I should be at college and living my life, but instead, I'm here, making sure Mikey, Fiona, Hannah, and Evie are safe and looked after. We both know you're not capable of doing that. So until you get your arse out of your head and stop acting like the martyr, when in fact you're the reason all of this shit has been happening, you don't get to try and make me feel guilty."
He reaches for his jacket. "Fuck you," he snaps and walks out of the house.
I take a deep breath and sigh. God, he's never going to change, and there's nothing I can do that will help change his perspective and get him to see that if he helped with the bills rather than spending his money on booze or gambling, things would be different.
Hell, it's so bad that he's started to steal my tips from my purse. On a good week, I make around two thousand euros, but we're in so much debt that I'm using the majority of my wages to pay that debt off, and then everything left over goes on food, heating, electricity, and making sure the kids have clothes that fit them. Having my da steal money from me just makes things so much harder. It's got to the point now that I sleep with my money on me so he can't steal it from us.
"Ailbhe," Mikey says as he shuffles into the room. "We'll be okay. You need to work."
I close my eyes. My brother is fourteen and he's the best person I know. He's not angry at me for taking this job. In fact, he's the only person who's actually supportive of me doing it. He's far from stupid. He knows how bad things are and he knows that if I don't do it, we'll be out on the streets.
"I don't have the money for a babysitter," I tell him with tears in my eyes. "Da stole the money I saved up for it last week."
He nods. "That's okay," he promises me. "I called Ruairi."
I gasp as I turn to him. "You didn't," I whisper.
He glances away. "I'm sorry, Ailbhe, but I did. You can't do this alone. It's not fair. Ma should never have left. She should have kicked Da's arse out and made him leave. We all would have been better off had she done. Instead, she ran and left you to deal with everything. That's not okay. So I've called Ruairi."
I close my eyes. God, I'm going to have to deal with an overprotective brother now. Ruairi is away at college, or he was. He was in Cork and having the best time. He was thriving and living his best life. I was proud of him, and I was hoping that once I had paid off my da's debt, I could start to save money and give it to Ruairi to help with his expenses down in Cork, but that's now gone to shit. Ruairi's going to hit the roof when he finds out about everything that’s been going on.
"When's he arriving?" I ask, wondering how much time I have before the shit hits the fan.
"He should be here soon. I called him this morning. He told me he would pack up his stuff and leave. I thought he'd be here by now."
I inwardly groan. This is not what I need. I've had to put up with Da's shit for long enough, along with Ma's when she’d had enough of Da. I was always in the middle of it all, and now that she's gone, I'm right at the forefront, taking the brunt of it all. I don't know how much longer I'll be able to keep this up before I fall to pieces. It's hard. It's so fucking hard being in charge of so much and wondering if your hardest efforts will be enough. I understand why Ma left, but Mikey's right. She should have kicked Da's useless arse out of the house instead. We'd all be in a better place had she done.
"How much have you told him?" I ask.
His cheeks tinge with red, and I already know what he's going to say. "Everything. I've told him everything. He's mad at you, Ailbhe. Real mad."
I release a harsh breath. "I really don't care. I've done what I needed to do for this family."
Mikey nods. "I know. I've watched how hard you've worked, Ailbhe. And I know that you're also going to beauty school during the day and taking care of all of us while you're doing it. You've given up everything to help us."
I cross to him and pull him into my arms. "I'd do it all over again. I love you, Mikey. I love you, Hannah, Fiona, and Evie. I'll do whatever it takes to make sure we're all together and that you don't have to be without food or warmth."
His arms tighten around me and his body bucks, and I know he's trying to keep in his emotions. I hate that he's close to tears.
"It's going to be alright," I promise him.
"I know," he tells me. "You always make it good."
My heart clenches. God, he's the bomb. "Just keep up the good grades, okay?"
That's something that's changed since Ma left. Mikey's grades have drastically improved. I think it could be because I'm making him do his homework and I’m helping him out with the things he gets stuck with. I realized that our parents had been neglecting us, and in turn, we all neglected each other. I'm trying my hardest to ensure that everyone doesn't feel as though they don't matter. I want them to feel loved and cherished. So I'm giving everyone one-on-one time to ensure that they're okay, and since I've begun doing that, everyone has significantly improved. They all seem happier, and that's all I want.
"You're the best sister in the world. You know that, right?"
