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Once I’m finished, my stare fixes back on her. As expected, her face is expressionless—nothing giving away her thoughts on the matter.
“I see,” she says, and my stomach flurries with nervous energy as she scribbles away on her notepad. “How has not speaking to him been? Do you miss it? Do you miss him?”
“Yes.” I sigh, knowing the answer before even considering the question.
“Then call him. If you stop letting things hold you back in life, they’ll stop holding you back in your dreams. Who knows?” she snickers. “Maybe next time you dream about him, you’ll get a happy ending.”
Brenden
“Hey, it’s me again.” I sigh into the phone, wondering why I keep torturing myself like this. She hasn’t answered or returned any of my calls. You think I would’ve taken a hint by now. “Would you please call me back so we can talk?”
I startle at a noise behind me and disconnect the call, turning toward the sound.
“Does that mean you’re still mad at me?” Allison asks, standing in my bedroom doorway.
Everything is such a mess. And I hate not knowing how to fix it. I’m not pissed at Allison; I’m furious with myself. But letting her believe I’m angry is easier than having to talk about what happened.
I acted like a complete jackass. Lizzy has every right to be upset with me. But fuck, how do I apologize if she won’t answer her goddamn phone? If I knew where she lived, I would’ve already showed up at her house, begging her to forgive me.
I don’t answer Allison, at least not verbally, letting my crossed arms and twisted mouth do it for me.
“Come on, Bren. I’ve said I’m sorry like a hundred times. What can I do? You want me to call her? I’ll do anything,” she pleads, taking a timid step into my room.
“All right, fine. Tell me what’s going on with you and Jon. I want to know what had your panties in such a bunch that it caused you to run your mouth in the first place. Then I might consider your apology.”
It’s low of me to use her apology to my advantage, but they’re not talking. It’s obvious something big went down. After years of being in the middle of their strange little relationship, they’re shutting me out and I don’t get it.
“That isn’t fair.” She sounds defeated as she looks down at the floor, and I almost feel guilty.
“Yeah? You know what else isn’t fair? You taking your crap out on Lizzy. She didn’t deserve that and now she won’t even talk to me,” I sneer, running my hands through my hair.
“I know, and I’m sorry it came out like that.” She meets my eyes again, the sorrow in hers causing remorse to rip through me. “It needed to be said, though. You’re developing feelings for her. Anyone can see it.”
“What if I am? How is that any of your business?”
She bristles at my sharp tone. “Because I care about you. I’ve never seen you like this. I’m happy for you, but also worried.” She takes a step toward me, stopping in her tracks when my voice comes out booming.
“Worried? Why? Because I’m getting to spend my time with a beautiful, smart, funny woman?”
“No.” She shakes her head, her voice desperate. “I’m worried you’ll finally fall in love and it’ll end badly. I don’t want you to end up closed off to the idea of love forever.”
Allison’s use of the word love sends my heart flying into my ribcage, my breath catching in my throat. Am I falling in love with Lizzy? I honestly don’t know. I don’t know what it feels like.
Before I met her, love didn’t seem like a possibility. As crazy as it seems, she’s had a huge impact on me in such a short amount of time. Deep down, I know the fear isn’t about whether I’m falling for her; it’s about whether she’ll ever love me in return.
“You know what?” I grit, throwing my hands up. “I’m not worried about what feelings she and I may or may not have down the road. None of us know what tomorrow will bring. Hell, there may not even be a tomorrow. Lizzy is amazing, and I like spending time with her. We’ve been good for each other. I’m not going to miss out on today by worrying about tomorrow.”
