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We step inside my office, the small windowless room feeling even more suffocating than usual. My chest tightens at the sight of her pale face and fear-filled eyes.
“Brenden, what’s going on?” Lizzy asks as I shut the office door, her voice shrill and words hurried.
I sigh and face her, dread heavy in my stomach. “You wanted to speak to the school counselor. I’m the school counselor.”
She blinks, her hands unsteady as she hugs herself. “I don’t understand.”
“I’ll explain everything, but why don’t you sit down?” I gesture to the chair behind her and let out a breath of relief when she takes a seat.
“Did you know who I was from the beginning?” Her voice is a near whisper, her eyes wet.
“No,” I say, rushing over to kneel in front of her. “I didn’t know. I’ve never, and would never, lie to you, Lizzy. I swear.”
She recoils as I reach for her hand, and my stomach churns with fear. “But you’re my daughter’s counselor?” A single tear streams down her face, and she angrily wipes it away.
“Yes, but—”
She holds her hand up, cutting me off. “And you didn’t think this was something I should know? What the hell is wrong with you? I guess I know now why you never wanted to talk about your work.”
“No, it isn’t like that at all. Please, Lizzy, let me explain,” I plead. “I didn’t know Maddison was your Maddie until yesterday, and I was going to tell you, I swear. I just—”
I drop my head in defeat, unsure how to explain myself. This is exactly why I hesitated to tell her. I was so worried she would come to this conclusion and not be willing to hear me out. It’s clear she feels I’ve invaded her privacy and betrayed her trust, but neither are true.
“Am I supposed to believe you’ve been counseling my daughter without realizing it?” she snaps, her tone laced with aggression.
I lift my eyes to meet hers again. “Her last name is Blake. How was I supposed to connect that to you?”
“You knew Shea was my maiden name. I told you I didn’t take his name when we got married.”
“Yes, but you never told me Xander’s last name.”
“But you didn’t seem to have a problem figuring things out yesterday.” She crosses her arms, sitting back in her chair as her eyes focus on the wall.
“That’s only because I was trying to reach someone to talk about why Maddison stopped coming to counseling.”
Her eyes are wide as they snap to mine. “She stopped?”
I nod and reach out to place my hands on her shaky knees, relief flooding me when she doesn’t pull away. “She only met with me once.”
“But why?” she croaks, fat tears rolling down her cheeks.
“I’m not sure, but she’s an exceptional girl—honestly. I think she’s going to be fine.”
“Oh god,” Lizzy sobs, her head falling into her hands, “you must think I’m a nut bag.”
“Hey,” I coax her hands from her face, wiping her tears with the pads of my thumbs, “I don’t think that about you at all. But, why didn’t you tell me about Xander?”
She takes a deep breath. “It isn’t something I really like to talk about. But with you…I think I liked you not knowing. You didn’t treat me the way everyone else tends to, like I’m broken and damaged.”
I take her hands in mine and give them a gentle squeeze. “My knowing doesn’t change the way I see you, or the way I feel about you. I doubt anything ever could.”
Her eyes flutter as she bites down on her quivering lip. “It’s not fair,” she whines. “You’ve seen the worst sides of me. You know things about me most don’t, but there’s so much of you that’s still a complete mystery to me.” An odd sound that seems to be a hybrid between a sob and laugh comes out of her mouth as she playfully kicks me. “I didn’t even know what you did for a living, for Christ’s sake.”
I let out a nervous laugh, my pulse starting to race again. She’s right. I haven’t been open with her. If I want this thing between us to be real, I need to share my darker parts with her too. But that scares the hell out of me.
“Fair enough. If you want to know me better, even the darker parts, I’ll share them with you.” My stomach knots at the promise, bile rising in my throat.
She nods, her hands tightening around mine. “I really do.”
“All right.” I take a deep breath, already regretting what I’m about to say. My past isn’t pretty. It isn’t something I care to relive. Since I’m being forced to do exactly that at the end of the week, I might as well take her along for the ride. “Are you free Friday afternoon?”
