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43
Elizabeth
“Was Xander the first guy you ever slept with?” Brenden asks, jerking me right out of my post-coital bliss.
He’s been acting so strange all week. Every time I asked if anything was wrong, he was adamant that everything was fine. Something is bothering him, though. He hasn’t been his normal, playful, goofy self.
He’s also been asking more questions about Xander. They seem casual enough. How did you meet? How long did you date? That type of thing. But I can tell there’s something hidden behind his questions, like he’s searching for something in every answer.
“Yes,” I caution, turning my head so I can see him.
His sad sigh makes my stomach knot. Why is he dwelling on my past with Xander now? It’s not as if he only recently found out about him.
Today, I even caught him staring at some of the pictures up in the hallway of me and Xander. He was so focused on them he hadn’t even heard me approaching. The expression on his face seemed almost pained. Surely, he knows pictures and other mementoes of Xander around the house aren’t really for me. They’re for my children.
Until now, I’ve never felt the need to hide my life—or love—with Xander from Brenden. I thought he understood and accepted that a part of me would always love Xander. He was my first love, my husband. The father of my children.
“What’s going through that gorgeous head of yours?” I ask, rolling over on my side to face him as I begin tracing over the tattoo on his chest with my finger.
“I was just thinking about our future.” His tone is flat and a little bitter, his eyes focused on the ceiling as he answers me.
“Why would you be doing a thing like that?” I tease, moving to straddle him so he’s forced to look at me. “I thought you were all about the here and now.” Grinding my hips, I lean down and kiss him, pulling back as he begins to deepen it. “Personally, I’m thinking the here and now is pretty damn incredible.”
My lips curl as his gaze heats with lust.
“Indeed, it is.” He quickly flips me so I’m on my back, and then he positions himself over me, that mischievous smile I love so much back on his face. “That’s why I want to ensure moments like this are a part of my life forever,” he says, his voice husky as he leans down and nibbles at my neck again.
I know I should be focusing on what he’s saying rather than what he’s doing, but my mind is becoming hazy with my desire for him.
Stopping, he lifts his head and meets my eyes, his features drawing together. “That’s what you want too…right?”
“What?” I shake my head to clear it enough to ask, feeling like I missed something big.
“This. Do you want this? Do you want me—forever?”
The vulnerability in his eyes causes my heart to clench as icy panic courses through my veins. Suddenly, his beautiful naked body touching mine is the last thing I’m thinking about.
“What are you asking me, Brenden?” My closing airway causes my words to sound strained.
“Come on, Lizzy. Don’t do that,” he sneers, rolling back over to the other side of the bed.
I pull the covers over me and sit up. “Do what?”
“That!” he shouts, throwing his hands out as he sits up. My head spins as he scoots to the edge, turning his back to me. “You always act like you don’t understand what I’m talking about when you’re trying to buy some time to figure out what you want to say.”
My heart sinks as he gets off the bed and walks over to his clothes on the dresser. “Where are you going? Why are you mad at me? I don’t understand what this is all about.” My desperation and sorrow grow with each piece of clothing he puts on. Even though he’s still in the room, it somehow feels like he’s miles away.
His shoulders slump, his head hanging as he pinches the bridge of his nose. “It’s about me wanting you to be my forever and you already choosing someone else for that.”
“What?” I gasp, my entire body shaking as tears begin to fall down my face.
So many emotions hit me at once—confusion, fear; even utter happiness. Brenden just said he wants me to be hisforever.
“I can’t do this anymore,” he clips out, his voice tight as he runs his fingers through his hair and shakes his head. “No, I’ll never be enough for you. I’ll never be your forever because I’m not him.”
When I see him brushing away his own tears, I jump off the bed, grabbing my robe from the chair and throwing it on before rushing toward him. “What? Brenden, no—”
“Don’t.” His voice booms so loudly, I jump back and remain frozen as my heart pounds. “I’m sorry,” he murmurs. “If you come near me, I’ll want to touch you. If I so much as look you in the eye right now, I’ll never be able to do this.”
