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Lori still hasn’t met my stare, so I’m surprised when she allows me to pull her into my arms, wrapping hers around my neck in return.
“You’ve been avoiding me,” I say.
“No, I haven’t.”
“And you seem upset. Do you want to tell me what I’ve done?”
She shakes her head. “You’re being paranoid.”
“Okay. Maybe if you try looking at me when you say that I might believe you.”
She groans, then leans back to lock her eyes with mine. “Everything is peachy,” she grits.
“Did Julianna say something to you about last night?”
She shakes her head, but her nostrils flare with her deep breath, giving the truth away.
“Well…if she did, I just want—”
“If she had,” Lori sneers, “it wouldn’t matter to me.”
Her words are a blow to my pride, exactly as she intended, successfully ruffling my feathers. “Okay, fine. You want to talk about what’s going on with Levi? The two of you seem very chummy.”
She purses her lips, her eyebrows knitting together, and I know I’m not getting any information from her. We sway in silence for the rest of the song, her eyes bouncing from place to place to keep from meeting my stare. Once it’s over, she pulls out of my hold and hurries off the dance floor.
ILLUSIONS OF ASH
For the first couple of months Nicole was dating Jim, our interactions were brief and typically not cordial. After I discovered Jim lived in my neighborhood and pieced together who he was, I purposely kept my distance. Not only was he Jacob’s brother—a boy I loathed from school—but he was also Jeep Boy.
Every morning on my way to school, I passed by this cute boy in a white Jeep. And every morning, this boy would smile at me. Boys didn’t usually seem to notice me—no one did, for that matter. I never felt special or pretty. But Jeep Boy made me feel seen. And I started crushing hard.
I never actually saw him in the neighborhood—had no clue who he was or if he was even cute up close. But that was part of the excitement. There was no chance of actually having to interact with this guy, which meant there was no fear of rejection.
But when he started dating Nicole, he became real.
He wasn’t nearly as cute as I’d built him up to be in my head, but the attraction was still there. Enough to make my heart beat a little faster and cheeks blush when we were in the same room. There was this looming question as to whether he knew who I was. If those brief moments each morning meant as much to him as they had me. If they meant anything at all. I decided it was best to just keep my distance.
It was New Year’s Eve when Jim started his manipulation.
I was outside smoking a cigarette, crying over a fight I had with my boyfriend. The truth was, I didn’t even like Allen. He treated me like garbage most of the time. Until I would break up with him. Then he would plead for me to take him back. And I would. Because deep down, I didn’t feel like I deserved better.
Allen called that night to tell me he was at a party in Memphis, spouted out some nonsense about not wanting to be tied down in a relationship. Before he hung up the phone, I heard a girl calling his name. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out what was going on. Despite my lack of true feeling for Allen, it still hurt.
When Jim stepped out on the porch, I immediately threw down my cigarette and turned to go inside. But he blocked my path, genuine worry in his eyes as he asked if I was okay.
“Guys are assholes,” he told me, a smirk on his face. “I should know, I am one.”
My gut was telling me not to trust him, though I desperately wanted someone to care. I brushed off his concern, but he pulled me into his arms and wrapped me into a tight hug. I was as stiff as a board at first, not sure how to feel about what was happening.
Even now, my memory of that moment is so vivid. The way his warmth felt comforting to my cold body. The way he smelled as I sucked in a ragged breath. Before I knew it, I was returning his embrace, wishing I could stay in his arms forever.
That was all it took for him to gain my trust. With that one simple act of caring compassion, he won me over.
I didn’t know then what I’m certain of now. He was merely grooming me.
21
Lori
