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That shouldn’t be a problem given I don’t plan on speaking to him at all any time soon, if ever again.
Nodding, I draw an X over my heart with my finger. “You have my word.”
She takes a deep breath and averts her eyes from me, pushing the cart again as I follow close beside her. “I think Spencer is planning to propose,” she says.
I do my best to keep my features schooled as she looks to me for a reaction, but I can feel my body stiffen. “What makes you think that?”
Her forehead creases, her mouth dropping open as she comes to a screeching halt again. “Oh. My. God. He is, and you knew.”
Trying to deny it, I shake my head, but there’s no use. We know each other too well. I let out a huff of breath in defeat and roll my eyes. “What if he is?” I shrug. “Isn’t that what you want? I mean, I would think someone like you—someone who’s so in love with the idea of marriage and happily ever after would jump at the chance to marry a guy like Spencer.”
There’s more of a bite in my tone than I intended, and Cat’s cheeks redden as she looks away from me again and moves toward the next aisle. “Don’t you think it’s a little early for him to be talking marriage?”
I chuckle and take a sip of my Starbucks. “When is it an appropriate time to get married? You’ve technically been dating longer than Lizzy and Brenden and they’re already married. Hell, my sister married Eric and she’s only been back in Tennessee for six months. The ink on her divorce papers is barely even dry.”
“Both of those situations are different, and you know it,” she clips.
“Cut the bullshit, Cat. What’s really the problem here? If you don’t want to be with Spencer, you need to tell him. There’s no point in continuing—”
“It’s not that,” she says. My insides twist, hating that little part of me that had been hoping she didn’t want him anymore. “I want to be with him. I’m just not sure he’ll still want to be with me if he ever finds out what I did.”
I come to a stop and grab the cart, forcing her to do the same. She drops her head, looking at me through hooded eyes. “What are you talking about, what happened?”
“Lawrence.” Her answer is little more than a whisper, but it feels like a slap in the face. She doesn’t even try to give any further explanation, knowing there’s no need.
Cat fell in love with Lawrence Grier when she was thirteen years old. It’s been obvious over the years she’s never really gotten over him. After she saw him at Caroline’s last week, Cat told me herself she still felt something for Lawrence. But I never dreamed she’d cheat on Spencer, never thought it was even in the realm of possibilities.
“You’ve got to be kidding me. The guy broke your heart years ago, and now you have this great guy who’s good to you. How could you cheat on him with that asshat?”
My loyalties should lie with my best friend, but I’m so livid with her for doing that to Spencer. I can’t stand the thought of him getting hurt.
“You don’t think I feel like utter shit?” Tears cascade down her face, and I immediately feel like crap for reacting so harshly. “Things are more complicated than right and wrong, bad and good. It’s not like I intended for anything to happen.”
A part of me wants to tell her she sounds like a cliché. I mean isn’t that always what cheaters say? But I’ve lived in between the right and wrong sides of life—in the gray—for so long. Who am I to judge her?
I pull her into my arms, holding her tight as she begins to sob. “I was so afraid you’d hate me too,” she cries into my shoulder. “Every day that passes feels like added weight on my soul. I’m starting to feel like I can’t breathe.”
I know that feeling all too well. I’ve been carrying around my secret for seventeen years.
Shushing her, I smooth her hair and survey our surroundings. We’re alone in the aisle, and my body relaxes a little. Thankfully, we like to do our Target shopping early or we might have an audience right now.
Pushing her back to arm’s length, I lock my eyes on hers. “I could never hate you, Cat. You’re my best friend—my sister, I will love you until the end of time. Nothing you could ever do would change that.” She nods and smiles as more tears stream down her face. “But…Spencer is my friend too. You need to tell him what happened. Keeping this from him won’t be good for either of you.”
“I know,” she says. “You’re right, and I’m going to tell him.”
I attempt to give her an encouraging smile, though my heart feels like lead in my chest. My selfish mind goes into a tailspin as I try to figure out what Cat coming clean might mean for me. If it will mean I lose Spencer forever.
Spencer
The truck is silent as we sit in the parking lot at the funeral home, Cat staring out the passenger side window. She’s been noticeably different since she went to Caroline’s to say goodbye to her father last week. It’s no secret Cat tends to carry the weight of the world on her shoulders. If someone feels pain, Cat feels it with them. But I can’t seem to shake the feeling that her distant demeanor is about something else entirely.
As far as I know, we aren’t having any issues, but Cat seemed reluctant about me coming with her today. I guess it’s possible someone let what I said the night of Brenden’s bachelor party slip, and she’s wondering why I’m holding off. Or, maybe, she’s hoping I won’t ask at all.
Perhaps I’m being a paranoid freak, and it doesn’t have anything at all to do with me. She did witness a man taking his last breath. I imagine that would be hard on anyone to watch, especially for someone like Cat.
“Are you going to be okay? We should probably get inside.”
Her shoulders rise as she takes a deep breath, turning to face me. Hiccupping a suppressed sob, she nods her head and reaches for the door handle. I hop out of the truck and meet her at the end of the bed where she’s stoically watching all the people filing into the building. Not meeting my eyes, she grabs ahold of my hand and squeezes as if trying to summon strength from me.
