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I scoff. “You just finished telling me how wonderful and easy everything is with Julianna.”
“True, but if you recall they haven’t always been that way. I went through a lot to get that woman. There was never a clear path leading the way.”
“Look, I’m so glad that things have worked out for you, but not everyone’s love story is the same. I supported you while you were figuring everything out. Now I’m asking that you do the same for me.”
I park the truck in front of the jewelry store and Eric sighs, giving me a sad smile as my gaze shifts to him.
“All right.”
ILLUSIONS OF ASH
Once I broke it off with Allen, things with Jim began to escalate fairly quickly. It started with inappropriate jokes, prolonged glances, and whispered flirtation. I was torn. Getting the kind of male attention I craved was exhilarating. He made me feel wanted and beautiful. But there was a heaviness in my gut. The kind that reminded me it was wrong.
You know that infamous expression, playing with fire? My life had become the perfect example of that. I could sense the danger, growing closer and closer to getting burned. But I was addicted to the rush of it all. Each time I escaped unscathed, I wanted to go back for more.
The night he came over to my house, under the pretense of fixing my computer, was the first time I truly felt the heat of the fire. My stomach knotted in warning when he offered to come over, and I should’ve said no. It was late, and I was all alone, but the desire for my next fix was too strong.
Full disclosure, I combed my hair and brushed my teeth before his arrival. I even changed into a cuter, more form fitting pair of pajamas and sprayed on some perfume. He told me more than once how much he loved the way I smelled.
“You smell good enough to eat,” he’d say when no one else could hear.
When he showed up that night, he did do some work on my computer. Or at least he seemed to be doing something. It wasn’t long before he ended up next to me on the couch, asking more questions about Allen. Nicole told Jim about the calls, emails, and text messages that followed my break-up with Allen. He hadn’t taken it very well, and Allen was relentless in his anger.
I was so nervous that night and have no clue what was said during that conversation with Jim. I only remember ending up in tears. That’s when he scooted closer, wrapped his arm around my shoulders, and pulled me into his side.
“Don’t cry,” he whispered before placing a light kiss on my forehead.
His request only caused more tears to fall, and I curled my body toward his, my head rested on his shoulder. We sat in silence like that for some time. After a while my eyes drifted closed, and sleep began to beckon.
I wanted so badly for it all to be real—the comfort, safety, and love I felt in that moment. But, deep down, I knew it wasn’t. A fact that was solidified the second his warm lips landed on mine.
I wish I could tell you I pushed him away, that I told him to leave and never return, that I rushed to call my sister and told her everything. But I can’t. I let the fear paralyze me, merely pretending to be asleep until his lips left mine.
24
Lori
My hands cling to my coffee cup, praying it will help warm me. Sleep deprivation always makes me feel so cold, and I haven’t had a full night’s sleep in days. Maybe even weeks.
“So, you’re avoiding both of them? And you call me a kid?” Levi shakes his head as he tsks his tongue at me. “Don’t you think that’s a little childish?”
He snickers as I flip him the bird and roll my eyes. The couple at the table next to us looks over at me with upturned noses. I give them an apologetic smile, fighting the urge to flip them off as well, before placing my hand back in my lap.
The coffee shop is abnormally packed and noisy this morning, and I’m in no mood. Between the lack of sleep and the stress from the situation with Cat, my head is pounding in protest. I stayed up most of the night working on Ashland’s story, only going to bed when I could no longer keep my head up. The words have been flowing out of me like water. I’m terrified that if I stop, they’ll dry up.
I’m certainly grateful for the distraction it’s provided over the past couple weeks. Between that and baby Winston here, I’ve barely had time to dwell on the fact that my best friend is evading me or face the fact that I might be harboring some real feelings for Spencer.
The book hasn’t done much to improve my state of mind, though. Ashland’s thoughts and feelings are much like my own. The guilt she carries for not speaking out about what Jim was doing is the same guilt that weighs on me for never telling anyone about the things Paul had done to me.
“Technically, Cat is avoiding me. I’m simply trying to stay out of their bullshit. Besides, I don’t have time to deal with their drama. I have a book to write.”
“That’s an excuse and you know it.” Levi smirks as he leans back in his chair, crossing his arms. “Eric said he went with Spencer to buy her an engagement ring. Are you really going to let him go through with this knowing Cat cheated on him?”
Shushing him, I survey the people around us to make sure no one heard before narrowing my eyes at him. “No…” The knowledge that Spencer has officially purchased a ring for Cat causes the pounding in my head to intensify and I dig in my bag for some aspirin. “I’m counting on Cat to do the right thing, but if the two of them are so determined to be legally bound to each other, who am I to stop them?”
When I find the bottle, I pour four pills into the palm of my hand and pop them into my mouth, saluting Levi with my cup before washing them down.
He laughs and shakes his head. “Has anyone ever told you that you’re extremely stubborn?”
